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As a guest, what's the stingiest thing you've ever experienced?

1000 replies

Marssuri · 28/03/2024 16:01

Just that!
I'll start

I invited friends for dinner at mine. I made traditional dishes from where I'm from, sausage rougail, chicken cari and dessert.

A few days later they text me telling me to come to theirs for some food at dinner time.

I show up and bring a small jar of chilli peppers. One of the people who invited me goes "is that all you're going to eat?". I was confused and asked what they meant. They replied "It's everyone brings their own food."
I told them I thought they had invited me for dinner and they go "yes, we invited you to come to the house for dinner!".
They saw my face and said "don't worry, we can share some food with you!" before cutting a couple of raw carrots, aubergines, cherry tomatoes with some white sauce and putting them in the middle of the table.
They then served each other the meal they had made for themselves and digged in.

Note from MNHQ - we've had lots of nominations for this thread to be moved over to Mumsnet Classics and, as we're very generous hosts, we've done exactly this.

OP posts:
Thatsajokeright · 30/03/2024 07:41

I drove 1.5hrs to visit a friend's new house (She married well and the house was worth about 750k at the time, 10 years ago).

I took a housewarming gift.

When I got there she didn't have anything in for lunch so we drove to a shop to buy it.

Before I left she asked me for half of what she spent on lunch, despite the leftovers staying in her fridge!

Ilovecleaning · 30/03/2024 07:48

Threads like this one describing other people’s’ bad behaviour is the reason I have stepped away from a lot of socialising in recent years. I simply CBA with a lot of people now and I focus on close family, a few friends and a hobby group where a shared interest creates its own relationships. I don’t feel disillusioned or miserable; it is very liberating.
And I agree that stinginess is a VERY unattractive trait!

DomesticatedSavage · 30/03/2024 08:03

My SIL would comment on here that I'm stingy with wine, that she's brought a bottle to my house, that I have offered her squash or tap water, and I have more money than she does.

My side of the story would be quite different.

I don't drink wine but my DH does, he works away a lot. SIL would come round and drink a full bottle and then want more, my DH started getting annoyed that "his" wine was disappearing. I was buying a mid-priced bottle, knowing that SIL was coming round, but she was drinking the whole bottle and then helping herself to more. The bottle that she was bringing with her always stayed unopened and she'd smuggle it back into her bag at the end of the night.

It started to grate a bit, that we were basically just funding SILs drinking sessions. So the next week all wine removed from our kitchen apart from the usual mid-priced bottle plus one really cheap nasty thing that I think we'd won in a school tombola.
SIL drains the whole mid-priced bottle and then starts hunting for more. I offer her the cheap bottle but no she doesn't want that. Oh dear that's all we've got, what a shame, would you like squash?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

TeaPleaseX · 30/03/2024 08:06

My mum one Christmas. Went round with my kids and partner. Dad opened up a pack of cakes to give my children and she came charging in and went "don't give people all our cakes!!!" People???? No idea what was going on at the time. But she's not usually that bad. We left after half hour.

Oldie2 · 30/03/2024 08:11

Some people never get past the child stage. A good friend of mine had a 'boyfriend' for some years. He came to a BBQ at our house, eat the food & drink we'd supplied, & then went home with the just in case bottles of beer he'd brought undrunk. When later I became single, he made a pass at me. I was shocked, since he was with my friend. He replied, oh no, she's just a friend. Being Swiss, she had the habit of hospitality, & you would always be offered decent food if you visited her house. Basically, it would appear, he hung out round there for free food & heating, & presumably sex, even taking laundry round. My brother in law is also quite stingy. We stayed overnight at their house before their big day, & bought them a chinese takeaway & some wine, since they wanted to stay, in, & we had no money to take them out anyway. Next morning, we had to forage for breakfast, since they were busy getting ready. There was just a slice of white bread & some marg. To my horror, at the registry office where we were assembling, there was no toilet & being still early in the morning, there was nothing open within walking distance with a toilet either. I had to go behind a bush in a quiet corner. Afterwords, we went to a wedding lunch for close relatives, about 40 people, in the top room of a grotty pub. We waited downstairs for the room to open, where there were no drinks supplied, or even coffee, since it was still before pub opening hours. We then went upstairs to be greeted with a small glass of sherry. followed by some dreadful blue nun type wine served with a dreadful meal, about a glass per person, all while they cracked open a bottle of champagne at the top table for themselves. After that, it was the church hall, where a huge crowd were invited to a disco. They got in quite a haul of presents all in all. We had been requested to give them some original art. This was a brave request, & to their credit, they have put them up on the wall in their house, which is nice. Two original Frank Forty watercolours, one painted while he was in New York, & the other on a visit to Japan. At the disco, we were fed on some curling up sandwiches & sausage rolls. I went back home early, feeling nauseaus, & then hacked up all night. Everyone else was OK, but I am very sensitive to food poisoning, so pre prepared sandwiches are a no no for me, but I was hungry & ate them. This has happened to me before more than once, I hacked up in a pub after eating a prawn pasta in a nearby restaurant. The people I was with, who didn't know me really well, just assumed I was drunk...a horrible experience. This tightness, in my experience, is a more common thing with the British than one would think. Foreigners & those with foreign roots, however, have hospitailty more ingrained in their culture. In the face of Hitler, & afterwords, we prevailed, but to achieve that, for anything more than a cup of tea, & possibly a biscuit, food took a back seat.

Ilovecleaning · 30/03/2024 08:13

I don’t have any stories like the horror stories on here, but we have friends who are very nice people in many ways but they are very ‘careful’ when hosting: a small bowl of thin soup or soup made from leftovers with no roll, a plated up main course with a minute amount of meat and dinky portions of veg, never anything on the table like stuffing, sauces or extra meat and potatoes. There’s simply never enough.
They are both quite chunky so they don’t eat like that all the time. It is a bit miserable and we never look forward to eating with them but we accept it because this is how they are and we make jokes about it now.
I think stinginess makes us angry because we are made to feel disrespected, that we are not worth the effort of planning and providing a nice meal, that our discomfort doesn’t matter, that they don’t actually care about us.

Ilovecleaning · 30/03/2024 08:16

Thatsajokeright · 30/03/2024 07:41

I drove 1.5hrs to visit a friend's new house (She married well and the house was worth about 750k at the time, 10 years ago).

I took a housewarming gift.

When I got there she didn't have anything in for lunch so we drove to a shop to buy it.

Before I left she asked me for half of what she spent on lunch, despite the leftovers staying in her fridge!

Did you pay ?

SchoolQuestionnaire · 30/03/2024 08:21

Popworks · 29/03/2024 10:38

When I was about 8 or 9, i was invited to my first sleepover at a friend's house. I was so excited. My mum told me to remember that different families do different things, and that I should try my best to eat what I was offered, even if it was unfamiliar, and that I must be polite. I was a very polite, sensible, shy child so that was fine.

Her mum picked us from school - so was well aware that I hadn't eaten my evening meal. We played quite happily in her bedroom until about 6.30pm when her mum knocked on the door. "Friend, come downstairs now". She said to me to wait there and that my friend would be back in ten or fifteen minutes. I was actually a bit worried as her mum sounded stern and I thought my friend was in trouble. She came back and i could smell food on her. I remember feeling so awkward and unsure, but we carried on playing until, after ten mins or so, I asked when we would be having dinner. My friend wouldn't look at me, but just said "we already have". I just was too shy to argue back that I was hungry, but I thought I'd be OK as surely they would give me something before bedtime - in my family, we would always have some weetabix or toast or a couple of biscuits a little before bedtime, if we were hungry. But a few hours later, her mum told us to go to bed - no food offered. I remember lying there, trying to go to sleep (on a thin camping mattress with an itchy blanket - they were as ungenerous with comforts as they were with food!) with my stomach growling, feeling so confused.

I woke up, sick with hunger, at about 4.30am and laid there until my friend woke up about 7 ish. Finally, at about 7.30, her dad called up "Time for breakfast". I remember feeling SO relieved. We walked downstairs and her dad stopped me at the bottom. He was a tall, deep voiced man and he scared me a bit. "You'll be home soon enough, you don't need anything". I remember them watching as I walked back up the stairs and I just didn't dare say "but I'm hungry". They also told me that I didn't need to brush my teeth as I had done it last night - maybe saving toothpaste?

Eventually my mum picked me up, as arranged, I think about 10.30 or 11am. I politely thanked them on the door step, as I knew I had to do, and I got in the car with my mum. I don't think we even had driven out of their street before I burst into sobs and told my mum how hungry I was, having not eaten since my school dinner the day before. I don't think I had ever seen my mum so furious. She spun the car around and marched back to their house, before hammering on the door. I don't know what was said - I was still I the car and it was far enough that I could only hear raised voices - but she never spoke to them again and I suspect she told a lot of people, as I remember other children asking me about it, so presumably had heard from their parents.

I do have a positive memory from it though; after my mum had yelled at them, she drove me to the supermarket and told me to pick anything I wanted for lunch. I chose a heinz cheese and bean pizza, which new to the shelves (showing my age there!) and an apple cream cake, so I felt incredibly spoilt. I still can't believe though that anyone would leave a child to go hungry whilst feeding themselves.

Awful, awful people. This isn’t just stingy, it’s downright cruel to not feed a child. I’m so glad your mum gave the nasty so and so’s what for.

I will never understand why these people would invite someone if they don’t actually want to host. They are a disgrace.

Calliopespa · 30/03/2024 08:26

Lunde · 29/03/2024 12:51

Mine is from one of my first jobs in the Civil Service in the 1980s. After 3 months I was seconded temporarily to a different section and was told to arrive a 9 am to meet the boss.

On arrival I was shown into his room where there was a wonderful aroma of freshly brewed coffee - the boss had a coffee percolator bubbling away in his room.
"would you like a coffee?" he asked.
"Oh yes please." I replied
He then rummaged in in his drawer, produced a tiny jar of of Tesco Value instant (the powder, not even the granules), pointed at the door and said "You'll find hot water at the tea station, down the stairs, on the floor below", while he poured himself a freshly brewed cup.

😳

toomanyy · 30/03/2024 08:28

Sennelier1 · 29/03/2024 19:12

I once went to babysit children I didn't know well but my mother knew the parents and had volunteered me. I always was good with children and a much asked-for sitter. I had to spend the night as the parents would only be back very late and not able to drive me home at that time. The family lived very well, big posh house. Before leaving the house the father turned down the thermostat on the heating, in winter! Once I had fed and bathed the children, read stories, and put them in bed, the heating went on nightsettings. I was so angry I turned it back up again ánd used lots of wood in the open fire as well ánd made long phonecalls with my then-boyfriend. In the morning I was expected to feed and dress the children, brush their teeth after breakfast and entertain them untill the parents were out of bed around noon. I was paid the price of a packet of cigarettes in those days (late '70s). I refused to ever go back.

Wow that’s so tight. Did they wonder why you wouldn’t go back?

SchoolQuestionnaire · 30/03/2024 08:37

RiseYpres · 29/03/2024 12:02

DH eats them the next day cold with a slice of cheddar cheese.

I love them with cold gloopy gravy and loads of salt. Delicious. (Revoltingly gross but delicious).

A PP mentioned being told the pub meal 'would do' as her birthday gift also. That reminded me of my childhood. My birthday is 11 days after Christmas and my maternal grandparents would every Christmas we spent with them say 'It's for your birthday as well'... whatever the gift was. Single book or whatever. It always made me feel really small like they though I was greedy to 'expect' a birthday gift (which i never actually did) but also like I mattered so much less than the other grandchildren who would get separate gifts for their birthdays by virtue of being born at another time. It was usually said with an air of disgust as well - like it was a massive inconvenience to them that I was born at such an time.

They are twats. You deserve to have your birthday celebrated and you certainly deserve better than them.

Ilovecleaning · 30/03/2024 08:41

SchoolQuestionnaire · 30/03/2024 08:21

Awful, awful people. This isn’t just stingy, it’s downright cruel to not feed a child. I’m so glad your mum gave the nasty so and so’s what for.

I will never understand why these people would invite someone if they don’t actually want to host. They are a disgrace.

Oh my God this post has upset me so much! I want to back in time and smash their psycopathic faces in!
So glad your mum gave them hell 😡😡😡

Calliopespa · 30/03/2024 08:45

BreadInCaptivity · 29/03/2024 15:56

Picking up on the wedding theme I agree with many posters that the worst weddings I have been to have been in the "poshest" venues.

My theory is that people have this vision of their wedding and think people will remember the destination and that's where they put their money and as costs mount they compromise on the food/drink. The reality of course is that the guests don't remember the posh marble fireplace/sweeping staircase etc. They just remember they spent the day parched/ hungry and incredibly irritated in return for what they spent on wedding gifts/travel/outfits etc.

The very best wedding I went to was to was that of a uni friend. She and her boyfriend had an unplanned (but happy) pregnancy and got married straight after uni. They were just starting out so didn't have much £.

However her mum's sister had married a farmer and she was really close to her aunt/uncle and they offered to host the wedding for her.

It was very much a DIY affair. They'd cleaned out one of the barns and decorated it with fairy lights. Hay bales round the edges to sit on. Entertainment was a local folk group and then in the evening a proper barn dance with fiddlers and all the moves being called out.

Then the food....tables heaving with homemade food her aunt and her friends had made over the previous few days in their farm kitchens. All produce from local farms. Think multiple home baked hams, chutneys, salads, sides, bread, cheese, cakes, scones with homemade jam and clotted cream etc.

Honestly it was incredible - a real feast and enough to feed everyone huge portions and then some.

Plus they'd got in big kegs of beer and set up a bar serving other drinks (all free).

Hands down the best wedding reception ever and bet it cost a fraction of some others I've been to but it's the one 20 years later we all still have very fond memories of.

And very much what weddings started out as being - before the wedding industry grew up.

I think the same of children’s parties. The best ones are still pass the parcel and a treasure hunt in the garden, not movies or go karting. The children can never grasp this in advance and all ooze with excitement about invitations for the latter types - but always come home happiest after the former.

toomanyy · 30/03/2024 08:46

BlueLimeRun · 29/03/2024 20:31

Sone people are just shameless. I’ve really been taken advantage of over the years - but I’ve set some boundaries now - although still seem to be buying my adult nephews gifts when they don’t even send a card to my DC. So perhaps I’ve still a way to go.

I have a friend who I always provide a meal for but only get a hot drink at hers. It’s so odd. She’s a lovely person I just don’t think it crosses her mind.
Another friend, I now say shall we split the bill. She was very happy for me to pay despite earning more than me.

Oh please stop the presents!

SchoolQuestionnaire · 30/03/2024 08:48

stars345 · 29/03/2024 12:25

Thought of another one.

I don't know if technically this counts as I wasn't invited for dinner specifically, but as a child I regularly spent summer days at my aunts house playing with my cousins whilst my mum worked.
I few times I was left there past dinner time. They would all sit down to a home cooked meal or home cooked curry with all the trimmings and not offer me a single thing. I had to sit there whilst they all ate. The hunger pangs would make me feel sick. I wasn't even offered a slice of toast.
It felt horrible and I've never forgotten it. They did it a few times. Again, not hard up, quite the opposite.
I feel as though I was being punished for something but I didn't know what 🤷🏻‍♀️

Again, just awful people. Whatever their issue they shouldn’t have taken it out on an innocent child. I don’t understand how anyone could let a child go hungry. I’d go without myself first. They are just heartless.

Calliopespa · 30/03/2024 08:50

Ilovecleaning · 30/03/2024 08:13

I don’t have any stories like the horror stories on here, but we have friends who are very nice people in many ways but they are very ‘careful’ when hosting: a small bowl of thin soup or soup made from leftovers with no roll, a plated up main course with a minute amount of meat and dinky portions of veg, never anything on the table like stuffing, sauces or extra meat and potatoes. There’s simply never enough.
They are both quite chunky so they don’t eat like that all the time. It is a bit miserable and we never look forward to eating with them but we accept it because this is how they are and we make jokes about it now.
I think stinginess makes us angry because we are made to feel disrespected, that we are not worth the effort of planning and providing a nice meal, that our discomfort doesn’t matter, that they don’t actually care about us.

To which I would add that it implies we are so stupid we can be tricked by a thin soup or spreading the meal across the plate, or simply won’t notice at all.

needquickopinions · 30/03/2024 08:51

Went to visit FIL at his house abroad. Been travelling all day. Finally arrived at 11pm. No food or drink offered. We were starving, so I asked if he had some bread for toast. Was told no. We went to bed ravenous. Next morning he had prepared breakfast for himself and his partner (so clearly there was food in the house), but offered us nothing. We had to leave the house and scour the area for any supermarkets that might be open, but it was a local holiday, so it took hours to find one. I think by the time we finally ate, it had been over 24 hours since our last meal. I have never been back, nor would I ever consider it. I should add that FIL is very wealthy!

Another one - my friend and her DH visited us for 2 nights. Came empty handed and drank our wine all weekend. I said nothing. When they were leaving, friend exclaimed "We left our alcohol in the car", and she went out to retrieve it. She then handed me one bottle of mini budweiser. That was it!

LadyEloise1 · 30/03/2024 08:53

Oh my ! @Popworks
What a dreadful experience Sad. I wonder what happened that girl and her very very odd parents ?

toomanyy · 30/03/2024 08:55

Daftmum47 · 29/03/2024 21:13

I was at my friend’s house recently, while my child played with her children.

I like her a lot, and have been very generous in the past, inviting her to dinner parties at mine, her and her kids on holiday with me, etc and not bothered about whether or not she reciprocated.

It came to tea time, and she made grilled cheddar wraps for the kids, and then offered me one. I gladly accepted, and was just chatting away to her about my favourite quick lunch being blue cheese grilled on pitta bread with walnut pieces and black grapes when I noticed that she was grilling hereself a blue cheese wrap … which she proceeded to wolf down, with a generous helping of black grapes!

Such a little thing, it probably sounds petty written down, but I’ve been so generous to over many years, it really told me something about her.

I hope you dialled back the dinners and holidays?

toomanyy · 30/03/2024 09:01

Garlicking · 29/03/2024 21:23

Maybe it was just a difference in cultures and expectations

I don't think there is any culture on Earth that doesn't value generous, reciprocal hospitality. Sure, different cultures have various customs around eating everything you're given or not, bringing a gift or not, offering more and asking for more - but NOWHERE is it normal to entertain guests without refreshments, or to under-cater.

Sharing food is a basic human activity. There's something wrong with those who don't.

I agree. I’ve had friends and family from multiple cultures and no culture owns generosity and no culture owns miserliness.

However, I think there are some cultures (not mine) that take generosity to a different level. There is always so much food cooked that they can always easily feed unexpected visitors. It’s humbling to see.

Santina · 30/03/2024 09:02

Went to friends for food and drinks, a big crowd of us. We walked in the house, the table was set, the oven was on, thought I was in for a good meal. We sat down and I offered to help serve food. She pulled out a packet of spring rolls, a packet of onion bhaji, some chicken on stick things. I thought it was picks before the meal. There was barely anything to fill us . And was had a knife and fork to eat it.

StitchVic · 30/03/2024 09:03

NotbloodyGivingupYet · 28/03/2024 17:31

Took a bottle of champagne round to a new year's party (just a few friends, not a huge bash). Never saw it again, a bottle of Tesco prosecco came out for midnight toast!
Also remember a house mate who would order a double whisky when it was somebody else's round, and get himself half a lager when it was his. He was the highest earner in the house too. Tight git!

Reminds me of a couple I know. Many years ago a friend invited a group of us round for a girls night in. Everyone brought a bottle of wine. One person (let’s call her Jenny) brought a bottle of red round, proceeded to drink the white/rose that everyone else had brought round, then asked the host if she could take the bottle of red back home at the end of the night as it hadn’t been opened.

On another occasion, Jenny & her boyf came to a New Year’s Eve party, bringing a bottle of booze with them. Drank other booze all evening, and then snuck off at the end of the night carrying their unopened bottle. They probably thought no one would notice. Someone did, and naturally was gobsmacked and told everyone else.

Same couple (now married) asked my DH to help with some DIY at theirs. DH and Jenny’s DH were working all day on the DIY. Jenny was in the house, and didn’t once offer any refreshments, so DH came home starving after working his arse off round there all day as he hadn’t eaten a thing!

Needless to say that although the DH’s are friends and see eachother, we don’t meet up as couples. Their unashamed tightness drives me up the wall. (Should add that along with lots of other posts on here, they are not tight when it comes to buying things for themselves!!)

toomanyy · 30/03/2024 09:06

DoorPath · 29/03/2024 21:23

Another one where the PP greedily went somewhere and expected - what, dinner? - when you'd been told nibbles. I bet you didn't eat all evening in anticipation. You're the stingy one in this scenario. When you're going somewhere for drinks and nibbles, you're supposed to have fed yourself dinner first and not arrive starving...

How convenient that you’ve missed that she was tricked into attending a sales event…

Maybe she had to go straight from school run to the woman’s house so didn’t have a chance to eat.

And no nibbles were offered at all.

Emotionalsupportviper · 30/03/2024 09:08

Marssuri · 29/03/2024 21:22

Auto carrot made it even funnier💀

Edited

We're pretty much a double act.

I act as straights-woman to AC's cruel, but often hilarious, jibes.

Nothing will convince me that I am not being deliberately targeted by technology.

Cantabulous · 30/03/2024 09:11

cuckyplunt · 29/03/2024 20:44

It’s the Scottish thing.. “You’ll have had your tea?”
Can anyone remember where that comes from?

It’s Graham Garden on Radio 4’s ‘I’m sorry I haven’t a clue’

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