Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

As a guest, what's the stingiest thing you've ever experienced?

1000 replies

Marssuri · 28/03/2024 16:01

Just that!
I'll start

I invited friends for dinner at mine. I made traditional dishes from where I'm from, sausage rougail, chicken cari and dessert.

A few days later they text me telling me to come to theirs for some food at dinner time.

I show up and bring a small jar of chilli peppers. One of the people who invited me goes "is that all you're going to eat?". I was confused and asked what they meant. They replied "It's everyone brings their own food."
I told them I thought they had invited me for dinner and they go "yes, we invited you to come to the house for dinner!".
They saw my face and said "don't worry, we can share some food with you!" before cutting a couple of raw carrots, aubergines, cherry tomatoes with some white sauce and putting them in the middle of the table.
They then served each other the meal they had made for themselves and digged in.

Note from MNHQ - we've had lots of nominations for this thread to be moved over to Mumsnet Classics and, as we're very generous hosts, we've done exactly this.

OP posts:
Emotionalsupportviper · 30/03/2024 09:11

samarrange · 29/03/2024 21:25

I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue!

Show quote history

This was brilliant!

Thank you. 😂

toomanyy · 30/03/2024 09:12

Whatinthedoopla · 29/03/2024 22:12

I would always invite my friend over with her partner, and they would never invite us over. Once they did, and just made any excuse for us not to go over, then said they had nothing to do so went to another friends for dinner. These types of people just take take take

Did you stop inviting them?

toomanyy · 30/03/2024 09:17

changeme4this · 29/03/2024 22:33

Not sure if this is stingy in the gist of the thread but I have just cancelled a stop over by friends of DH who invited themselves to stay along with their grandchildren. We don’t have young children or toys anymore to entertain them.

the main reason being is he doesn’t like what I cook (roasts, soups, slow cooker meals etc) because he says it’s what his mum’s generation cooks. I actually do not know what he likes to eat as I have never been invited to have a meal with them at theirs…

secondary to that is last time they were here, DH had to leave mid way for a pre arranged issue. Was only gone for an hour, but the male guest told his wife to get up as they were going. Myself , SIL and his wife were all in conversation so it’s not as if they were being ignored.

thirdly, we hosted a big do for DH at a very nice venue and had them it had accommodation options. Most people came back to ours for supper which was soup, breads, cheese and fruit platter and he made a point of not eating anything and complaining about the cold basket of breakfast items they were served earlier in the day. Other friends sitting at our table looked at me rolling their eyes, so don’t think it’s just me.

so I’m being stingy with my hospitality towards them and not offering to host them again any time soon except perhaps meeting up somewhere else for lunch.

Good! How did they react when you said they can’t stay?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General food
toomanyy · 30/03/2024 09:24

storminabuttercup · 29/03/2024 23:04

I've marked my place and need to catch up, but mines similar to others, been friends with my 'best' friend for years, cooked for her loads, then her and her husband for dinner and then with their child. They'd turn up with bottle at the most, go home with leftovers, I never minded. They invited us to them, but said 'it'll be takeaway' that's fine, we get handed a menu to order, we don't go wild, 2 pizzas between the 3 of us, food arrives, they ask us for 'our share'
The most ridiculous thing is we've had them here since. I'm a total mug.

But have you stopped having them now? Please say yes!

toomanyy · 30/03/2024 09:29

RazzlePuff · 29/03/2024 23:19

First Xmas at our house as young couple. Having heard a morning radio host mercilessly mock Ferrero Rocher chocolates as most naff gift ever … we giggled when best couple friends brought and presented us a large Ferrero Rocher pyramid.
Shocked later to see them leaving early and take the unopened pyramid with them hidden beneath an overcoat.

Naff is as naff does !!!
20 yrs later we still laugh at Ferrero Rocher remembering that big pyramid that we never got.

I bloody love Ferrero Rocher and would be chuffed with a pyramid of it.

I prefer it to Hotel Chocolate stuff any day.

Flatandhappy · 30/03/2024 09:29

@PrincessPeachy I’m guessing you didn’t read the full thread before posting your silly comment. Funnily enough some people serve more than one dish at a meal! Sounds delicious btw op.

My stingy story is boring, BIL and SIL would arrive for lunch or dinner with their arms hanging but demolish quite a few bottles of wine and some beers. Fine if they reciprocated but they didn’t. SIL only drank white and we mainly drank red but would make sure we had her favourite as good hosts. The excuse was usually “we didn’t get a chance to pick up any wine” even though they drove past our local shop that sold it. One day they arrived and SIL asked for a glass of white and I told her I didn’t have any, she could walk down to the shop and get some. She bought one bottle of white but BIL still drank our red and beer. Invites petered out after that.

toomanyy · 30/03/2024 09:31

Garlicking · 29/03/2024 23:42

While I was travelling around the North-East of Brazil, I met a German guy who'd been floating around the country for several months. After a couple of weeks chatting with him, I gathered that he had a 'relationship' with a Brazilian girl in each place he stopped at - nothing too unusual there - and stayed with their families. Okay, but these were not well-off people; they were the kind of families who'd kill a chicken for a guest, then have to do without meat for the rest of the week.

He apparently had a very small amount of funds coming in each month, insufficient to pay for accommodation. The Brazilian families understood very small funds all too well, so would bend over backwards to make him comfortable for weeks at a time. Slightly suspicious, I pressed for more information.

He was on a paid 12-month sabbatical. The reason for the very small funds was that he was getting most of his salary for the year paid into his massive pension fund - he bragged about the luxurious retirement he looked forward to - while shamelessly exploiting the hospitality (and bodies) of people on the breadline. He knew the English word "freeloader" and didn't consider it an insult, looking rather smugly pleased with himself.

That was 30 years ago, and I still feel outrage when I think about the selfish cunt.

That’s diabolical. I hope his pension fund goes bust.

Emotionalsupportviper · 30/03/2024 09:33

Fulfordfluff · 30/03/2024 02:31

This happened when I was a teenager... got yelled at for using more than two squares of loo roll when staying at at a friend's house for the weekend.

How did they know?

toomanyy · 30/03/2024 09:33

Angrymum22 · 30/03/2024 00:31

Slightly of topic but a true story.
DSis was starting a six month job abroad. She was renting and didn’t want to waste money on rent while abroad so packed up her flat and distributed her boxes and belongings around a few friends then drove up to our house with a car full of boxes to store in our spare room.
The following day I dropped her at the airport (2hr round trip). She had asked if we could take her car to my parent’s house ( 100 miles away). She knew we were visiting my other sister the following weekend and DP’s house was sort of on the way. She’s always been good at organising everyone else.
We were more than happy to help.

Anyway I jumped in her car the following week only to find no fuel in the tank.
So not only did I agree to store a car full of boxes, drive her to the airport, and no she didn’t offer any petrol money, I also had to fill her car up and then drive it to DP’s.
I don’t remember her ever thanking us or even bringing us anything from her travels.

She has frequently introduced me to friends as her rich sister. I take offence since she probably has far more than we do since we are generous with our money. She has also been very flaky with Christmas and birthday gifts for DS, and will often brag about the gifts she has bought my nieces while failing to remember DS.
I have just sent her a beautiful piece of jewellery for her birthday just to embarrass her, although I doubt it will. She hasn’t bought me a gift for years but this year is a big birthday so maybe she will break with tradition.

Edited

I don’t know why people think being even more generous with tight people will make them behave better, it won’t.

You’re just validating her because she thinks you think she’s amazing as she is.

Stop all gifts, even when she has kids.

Calliopespa · 30/03/2024 09:36

Emotionalsupportviper · 30/03/2024 09:33

How did they know?

Show quote history

Must have swept in after and counted what was left!

Calliopespa · 30/03/2024 09:36

Emotionalsupportviper · 30/03/2024 09:33

How did they know?

Show quote history

… or fulford didn’t flush! 😆

toomanyy · 30/03/2024 09:39

jandalsinsummer · 30/03/2024 02:39

My Uncle is the stingiest person I know, I have never seen him pay for anything or buy drinks. It is so obvious we would joke about it as children, we used to meet at a pub when we were kids and he would always make my dad pay for the round of drinks, never had change to buy a pack of crisps for his own kids. At my sisters wedding he tried to add his hotel breakfast/charges to my brothers bill, announced he had no cards with him so couldn’t chip in for the 3 course pub meal he had eaten, couldn’t pay for a cab to the venue had to make someone drive back and get him, walked round the room at the wedding asking everyone to give him a lift back to the hotel and on and on. My sister took a few people out for lunch the next day, on top of everything she had already paid for he was the only one who had pudding, he seriously made 20 people wait and watch him eat, including the poor couple who had been cornered into giving him a lift. He is a nasty little man who seems to exist solely to see what he can coerce other people to pay for.

Why on earth did your sister select him as one of the lunch attendees?

People need to say no to him.

toomanyy · 30/03/2024 09:41

Whereareallthemillionaires · 30/03/2024 03:26

Visited my db and sil, prearranged and a four hour drive for us.
My sil went out clothes shopping before we got there
There was
No food.
No hosting
No offering even a cup of tea
I made everyone a cup of tea. My db ate the cake we brought.
We left.

Why didn’t your brother host you?

Maybe SIL got sick of your brother expecting her to host and strategically absented herself.

determinedtomakethiswork · 30/03/2024 09:41

So they brought you some chocolate so that it looked like they had given you a gift but they took them away with them? I would've wrestled them to the ground!

toomanyy · 30/03/2024 09:44

WiddlinDiddlin · 30/03/2024 04:56

Try reading that again... she wouldn't cook a roast at all...

Show quote history

Try reading back the posts in context…doorpath was responding in the context of a Sunday roast. Who serves Sunday roast without roasties?

Calliopespa · 30/03/2024 09:45

toomanyy · 30/03/2024 09:33

I don’t know why people think being even more generous with tight people will make them behave better, it won’t.

You’re just validating her because she thinks you think she’s amazing as she is.

Stop all gifts, even when she has kids.

Show quote history

Yes my mum gets hurt that her Dsis doesn’t respond as generously with gifts to our side of the family.

DM buys all her nieces and their small children thoughtful birthday gifts but my aunt just sends cards. This causes DM to try to get something even better the next year - I don’t know if she genuinely thinks it wasn’t good enough to warrant a reciprocal gift or if, as the poster above has said, she’s trying to make it even more awkward for them not to. But whichever it is, it doesn’t work. They just find her more and more stupid/ validating/ annoying in getting it than they did before. I feel sorry for her as DM is a naturally caring generous person but she isn’t going to change them. In short, they don’t want to engage with the expense and that’s the end of it.

suburburban · 30/03/2024 09:48

Flatandhappy · 30/03/2024 09:29

@PrincessPeachy I’m guessing you didn’t read the full thread before posting your silly comment. Funnily enough some people serve more than one dish at a meal! Sounds delicious btw op.

My stingy story is boring, BIL and SIL would arrive for lunch or dinner with their arms hanging but demolish quite a few bottles of wine and some beers. Fine if they reciprocated but they didn’t. SIL only drank white and we mainly drank red but would make sure we had her favourite as good hosts. The excuse was usually “we didn’t get a chance to pick up any wine” even though they drove past our local shop that sold it. One day they arrived and SIL asked for a glass of white and I told her I didn’t have any, she could walk down to the shop and get some. She bought one bottle of white but BIL still drank our red and beer. Invites petered out after that.

Wasn't one of them driving so couldn't drink?

toomanyy · 30/03/2024 09:53

Ilovecleaning · 30/03/2024 08:13

I don’t have any stories like the horror stories on here, but we have friends who are very nice people in many ways but they are very ‘careful’ when hosting: a small bowl of thin soup or soup made from leftovers with no roll, a plated up main course with a minute amount of meat and dinky portions of veg, never anything on the table like stuffing, sauces or extra meat and potatoes. There’s simply never enough.
They are both quite chunky so they don’t eat like that all the time. It is a bit miserable and we never look forward to eating with them but we accept it because this is how they are and we make jokes about it now.
I think stinginess makes us angry because we are made to feel disrespected, that we are not worth the effort of planning and providing a nice meal, that our discomfort doesn’t matter, that they don’t actually care about us.

Why have you accepted it? Stop inviting them please!

Jo58 · 30/03/2024 09:54

StitchVic · 30/03/2024 09:03

Reminds me of a couple I know. Many years ago a friend invited a group of us round for a girls night in. Everyone brought a bottle of wine. One person (let’s call her Jenny) brought a bottle of red round, proceeded to drink the white/rose that everyone else had brought round, then asked the host if she could take the bottle of red back home at the end of the night as it hadn’t been opened.

On another occasion, Jenny & her boyf came to a New Year’s Eve party, bringing a bottle of booze with them. Drank other booze all evening, and then snuck off at the end of the night carrying their unopened bottle. They probably thought no one would notice. Someone did, and naturally was gobsmacked and told everyone else.

Same couple (now married) asked my DH to help with some DIY at theirs. DH and Jenny’s DH were working all day on the DIY. Jenny was in the house, and didn’t once offer any refreshments, so DH came home starving after working his arse off round there all day as he hadn’t eaten a thing!

Needless to say that although the DH’s are friends and see eachother, we don’t meet up as couples. Their unashamed tightness drives me up the wall. (Should add that along with lots of other posts on here, they are not tight when it comes to buying things for themselves!!)

Show quote history

We know a few couples who seem as tight as each other. I wonder if it’s that tightwads gravitate towards each other and it’s a quality/something in common when they start dating 😁 rather than an ick or if one influences the other to become like them. Of course, there are also sadly couples where one is quite financially abusive so the other feels obliged to also penny pinch to keep them happy. That’s not the case with the couples I know. I’d say both were equally tight when they got together.

What happens if the competitively tight kind who always want the best deal (eg the guy who will get a lager when paying but a double spirit when someone else pays) meets someone the same? Do they just piss each other off getting ripped off all the time so it doesn’t work?

It’d be a huge dealbreaker for me. I was brought up in a family where it’d be quite shameful to not be generous- to excess in my mum’s and nans’ cases. My DH’s family is the same.

supersop60 · 30/03/2024 09:57

bluebird3 · 28/03/2024 16:47

Whenever we stop by my uncles he insists we stay for dinner. He likes to serve one grocery store frozen pizza to be shared between all of us - 3 adults and 2 children. He puts extra cheese on it so apparently it's very filling.

Not even a salad or chips with it?

SanskritPixie · 30/03/2024 09:59

@skoobydoo you are quite right. The usual etiquette has traditionally been that when invited for a meal, the wine you bring is a gift for the host. The host chooses wine that goes with the meal they have cooked.
Amongst my friends, if someone brings champagne, that may get put in the fridge for later. If they have brought chilled champagne, we open it immediately. Anything fizzy is more of a sharing/ party thing. If we are having a more informal or boozy night, then pretty much anything goes, but I’d generally not open a nice fizz at the end of an evening (when we’re sozzled) because it wouldn’t be appreciated

DodoTired · 30/03/2024 09:59

Whereareallthemillionaires · 30/03/2024 03:49

At the time We didn’t really know her she is my db second wife.
She had been to our house once after meeting him and she told my cousin we are snobs because we have 1. Too many books , 2. We are architects and 3. Our kids went to private school.

So yes my sil has always hated us
A classic example of what she gets up to for example
……She put my parents house up for sale before we had even had my dads funeral
……She used to throw away birthday cards and presents we sent to her stepson ( my nephew )
Honestly The list is endless…

Shes a local councillor pretending to be a lovely person to all the locals and yet

she would make dinner or a bedtime hot chocolate for her kids but give nothing to her step son. ( He was only one when my db and her met ).He had to spend every other weekend with her treating him like that.

She is a cruel person.

I havent seen db as a result for over 10 years, since my dads funeral and neither has my nephew seen her or his own dad.

So yes, a very deliberate snub

Show quote history

What a cunt. Poor step son 😓
my heart breaks for him

SchoolQuestionnaire · 30/03/2024 10:02

Chelsea26 · 29/03/2024 21:39

Oh this reminds me of another one. Same family (ExH)

His mum was in hospital and we drove up to see her. We went straight there on the first day because of visiting hours, his dad and sister were there too. They asked if she wanted anything bought to her and she asked for some smoked cheese (that sausage shaped one) and some lucozade so maybe £5 in total.

The next day we’re all in town and all day it was the dad and sister saying
“well deb if you’re going into WHSmith, you might as well get some lucozade”
“Oh no it’s right at the back”
”Dad if you need some milk you could pick up some cheese when you’re there”
“I don’t need milk I have enough for my morning tea”

On the way to the hospital that evening I said “Oh we haven’t got your mum’s stuff that she wanted” and they said,
”Oh it’s too late now, we’ll miss some visiting time” etc

I dropped them at the hospital and went to the supermarket, got her stuff and a magazine and some hand cream and drove back to give it to her.

I didn’t even like her that much, she was as bad as all of them but I couldn’t have someone in hospital not getting the small things they’d asked for. and the most annoying thing was the dad and the sister, instead of being shamed, saw it as a win.

God they were SUCH DICKS! I’m so glad I never have to see them again. I don’t know how I put up with them for any time. This has been cathartic!

Show quote history

You’re a lovely person to do that for her when they were related and couldn’t even e bothered. They will always be twats and you are well out of it.

Natty13 · 30/03/2024 10:23

suburburban · 30/03/2024 09:48

Wasn't one of them driving so couldn't drink?

Show quote history

You've heard of public transport, right?

TedWilson · 30/03/2024 10:27

Went to a family friends house some distance away when I was about 35 weeks pregnant. Her mum asked what she was doing for lunch. She replied she didn't want anything but would feed the 3 visitors. She pulled out for lunch an out of date Waitrose quiche and didn't even heat it. Leaving me wondering if I was going to get listeria or something. Said friend is a millionaire.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In
This thread is not accepting new messages.