Page 30 | As a guest, what's the stingiest thing you've ever experienced?

Marssuri · 2024-03-28T16:01:00+00:00

Just that! I'll start I invited friends for dinner at mine. I made traditional dishes from where I'm from, sausage rougail, chicken cari and dessert. A few days later they text me telling me to come to theirs for some food at dinner time. I show up and bring a small jar of chilli peppers. One of the people who invited me goes "is that all you're going to eat?". I was confused and asked what they meant. They replied "It's everyone brings their own food." I told them I thought they had invited me for dinner and they go "yes, we invited you to come to the house for dinner!". They saw my face and said "don't worry, we can share some food with you!" before cutting a couple of raw carrots, aubergines, cherry tomatoes with some white sauce and putting them in the middle of the table. They then served each other the meal they had made for themselves and digged in. *Note from MNHQ - we've had lots of nominations for this thread to be moved over to Mumsnet Classics and, as we're very generous hosts, we've done exactly this.*

Poshjock · 29/03/2024 19:43

I've got a work one. About 6 work colleagues go out for dinner, different grades. 2 were managers, 2 trainees, 1 manual worker and 1 supervisor. Every orders, and the trainees both order only 1 course and coke. The 1 manager orders full 3 courses the other 2 courses and they share 2 bottles of wine. The remaining 2 have 2 courses and 1 alcoholic drink. Very different price points.

At the end of the meal the manager who had eaten the most took the bill and divided it by 6. I saw the face of the trainee next to me fall, I asked if she was ok and she said she only ordered as she did as it was all she could afford (trainee wages are shocking). Being a bit older and well past the being nice for nice sakes I said we will pay what we each consumed. Both trainees instantly had their money ready as they had planned their meal accordingly. The manager develops sudden amnesia. The bill was a handwritten affair so no clues there. The other manager (OM) was interestingly mute and I suspect was all to happy with 1/6 of the bill. Suddenly the waitress appeared behind tight wad manager (TWM) with her order pad and starts reciting everything he ordered and it's price, she then looked around the table and asked if anyone else needed help. I also already had worked out my portion so she started taking payment from me and the trainees. OM seemed to remember what she ordered and offered up her card. TWM was still faffing around with his phone calculator but eventually had to concede and pay his share. His bill was more than double the trainees and both managers' considerably higher than than the "proposed" 1/6 share.

It was staggering meanness and entitlement from TWM and in my opinion fully enabled by the OM. It was a glorious moment when the waitress appeared, she obviously realised what was going on and was having none of it.

BrightLightTonight · 29/03/2024 19:47

Woahtherehoney · 29/03/2024 19:32

Honestly maybe you’re just very lucky to not know any very stingy people! Trust me there are lots of them about.

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I believe there are stingy people - I don’t believe peoples “roll over attitude”.

43ontherocksporfavor · 29/03/2024 19:50

To me , being stingy or tight is the worst insult. I go out of my way to be generous.

toomanyy · 29/03/2024 19:51

RosesAndHellebores · 29/03/2024 10:05

@Svalberg they weren't hard up just excruciatingly mean with food.

Sounds the like the child would have been round for tea most nights, which could have got annoying fast. Unless the child was deprived I can’t see what was wrong with sending him hoe for tea every night.

Godesstobe · 29/03/2024 19:53

My SIL is incredibly tight with money (although she has no need to be, it is just a mindset). Her presents have become the stuff of legend in our family.
For example, her wedding present to us was a book about Alister Crowley, the occultist, despite the fact that, surprisingly, it wasn't on our wedding gift list and neither of us had ever expressed the slightest interest in him or the subject.

But our all time favourite is the Christmas present she gave our 12 year old DD - a pink ladies' razor. ( To be fair it did come in a pack with a natty little sticker thing for attaching it to the wall.) My DD is blonde and was about as far from hirsute as it was possible to be. We laughed so much when she opened it and 20 years on we still roar with laughter whenever we recall it. Truly the gift that has kept on giving.

Fluffycatbelly · 29/03/2024 19:54

This thread is amazing and makes me feel better about my in laws 😂

Dinner at one set of in laws : fajitas for dinner.... Only one each! Host said there might be one extra fajita going for any "hungry daddies", at the time I was a breastfeeding mother and constantly ravenous!

Other set of in laws made a roast dinner of one medium chicken and a scant amount of sides for 7 adults!!

toomanyy · 29/03/2024 19:55

JudyP · 29/03/2024 10:20

Cannot quote those that quoted me re gluten free - it's more when they come to visit us we get a massive list of things to buy for him and her and we always get it all - he also manages to use our toaster when he visits with no issues so maybe he isn't coeliac just intolerant 🤷🏻‍♀️ but they made a big deal out of making something the toddlers would like ( spaghetti bol) and gave us the stingiest portion of terrible pasta - as I said this was 20 years ago - these days it's really fine - they had nothing for the kids breakfast - obviously no cereal ( didn't expect lots of different cereals) and as I said no toast it was a very difficult 7 days with hungry kids - and after they had asked what they should get in for the kids for breakfast and lunch - they then ignored all requests got absolutely nothing a normal toddler would eat - some lettuce for lunch,,,, so as I said we went to the pub a lot

Don’t worry, it was obvious from your first post that the in laws were stingy!

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 29/03/2024 19:58

My good friend went around to a guy's house she was dating and he made her just pasta with olive oil on top. Talk about tight.

toomanyy · 29/03/2024 20:02

Popworks · 29/03/2024 10:38

When I was about 8 or 9, i was invited to my first sleepover at a friend's house. I was so excited. My mum told me to remember that different families do different things, and that I should try my best to eat what I was offered, even if it was unfamiliar, and that I must be polite. I was a very polite, sensible, shy child so that was fine.

Her mum picked us from school - so was well aware that I hadn't eaten my evening meal. We played quite happily in her bedroom until about 6.30pm when her mum knocked on the door. "Friend, come downstairs now". She said to me to wait there and that my friend would be back in ten or fifteen minutes. I was actually a bit worried as her mum sounded stern and I thought my friend was in trouble. She came back and i could smell food on her. I remember feeling so awkward and unsure, but we carried on playing until, after ten mins or so, I asked when we would be having dinner. My friend wouldn't look at me, but just said "we already have". I just was too shy to argue back that I was hungry, but I thought I'd be OK as surely they would give me something before bedtime - in my family, we would always have some weetabix or toast or a couple of biscuits a little before bedtime, if we were hungry. But a few hours later, her mum told us to go to bed - no food offered. I remember lying there, trying to go to sleep (on a thin camping mattress with an itchy blanket - they were as ungenerous with comforts as they were with food!) with my stomach growling, feeling so confused.

I woke up, sick with hunger, at about 4.30am and laid there until my friend woke up about 7 ish. Finally, at about 7.30, her dad called up "Time for breakfast". I remember feeling SO relieved. We walked downstairs and her dad stopped me at the bottom. He was a tall, deep voiced man and he scared me a bit. "You'll be home soon enough, you don't need anything". I remember them watching as I walked back up the stairs and I just didn't dare say "but I'm hungry". They also told me that I didn't need to brush my teeth as I had done it last night - maybe saving toothpaste?

Eventually my mum picked me up, as arranged, I think about 10.30 or 11am. I politely thanked them on the door step, as I knew I had to do, and I got in the car with my mum. I don't think we even had driven out of their street before I burst into sobs and told my mum how hungry I was, having not eaten since my school dinner the day before. I don't think I had ever seen my mum so furious. She spun the car around and marched back to their house, before hammering on the door. I don't know what was said - I was still I the car and it was far enough that I could only hear raised voices - but she never spoke to them again and I suspect she told a lot of people, as I remember other children asking me about it, so presumably had heard from their parents.

I do have a positive memory from it though; after my mum had yelled at them, she drove me to the supermarket and told me to pick anything I wanted for lunch. I chose a heinz cheese and bean pizza, which new to the shelves (showing my age there!) and an apple cream cake, so I felt incredibly spoilt. I still can't believe though that anyone would leave a child to go hungry whilst feeding themselves.

Your mum sounds ace! Oh to be a fly on the wall when she hammered on their door…

Bellyblueboy · 29/03/2024 20:03

Isseywith3witchycats · 28/03/2024 16:36

Not at a friends or relatives house but a guest house in Ireland, my brother got married in Dublin so me my 2 sisters mom and brother booked a B&B for the weekend just outside of there, we left Birmingham airport at 6am and by the time we got to the B&B it was mid afternoon, the landlady said as we came in to book in if you want a cup of tea or coffee theres a cafe up the road, now we are Brummies so the kettle goes on before your fully through the door we looked at each other in utter astonishment so much for Irish hospitality

But it’s a business and a bed and breakfast at that??

I am Irish, and I wouldn’t expect a welcome cup of tea at a B&B, in a hotel yes I would pay for a coffee.

toomanyy · 29/03/2024 20:05

AnybodyAnywhere · 29/03/2024 10:48

Many years ago my Aunt, mother’s sister, was visiting from Australia. I drove to Heathrow, waited about 4 hours for Aunt’s delayed flight so cost a fortune in parking, drove Aunt to Mother’s house - nearly 150 miles round trip.

Got to Mother’s and after greetings and a cup of tea mother said to sit down for lunch, I was starving as I’d set out at 4am. Mother came in with 2 plates of wonderful smelling chicken casserole, one for Aunt and one for Mother, looked at me and said ‘I didn’t make anything for you, if you’re hungry you’d better go and get some chips or something.

My Aunt is now 97 and has dementia but she still remembers and always tells the story to visitors if my name gets mentioned.

Bloody hell with mothers like this who needs enemies.

Notsuretoputit · 29/03/2024 20:06

KnitnNatterAuntie · 29/03/2024 06:04

When I was a little girl (many years ago!!!!) there was an elderly lady who lived in the next road to my family home. She always looked so poor, her hair was long and straggly and she wore a mans gaberdine raincoat which had seen better days

She would stand in the doorway of the local shops, looking wistfully at the food, until a staff member would enquire if she was OK. She would then say "your cakes/fruit/sausages look so lovely - it must be wonderful to be able to afford something like that." The staff would inevitably find something for her and she would express her gratitude for the wonderful treat. This went on week after week for years

There was a large plot of allotments nearby and she would hang around the gates, admiring everyone's crops and would often be given some fruit and vegetables

She would also turn up at any church (R.C., C of E, Baptist, Methodist etc) that had a meeting followed by food and would linger around the kitchen afterwards, wondering aloud where all the leftovers would end up. She would then be offered a food parcel. She always attended funerals and often managed to be an uninvited guest at weddings too!

The local schools always gave her a generous hamper at Harvest Festival

Everyone in the area knew her, she was lovely to talk to and I suspect that many people "helped her out" with gifts of food

When she died, with no will written, her estate was more than half a million (this was in the 1960's in a working class area of small terraced houses). Her house was hoarded, mainly with newspapers.

Sorry, I know this doesn't fit the 'stingy guest' topic but so many of these posts seem to be about well off people being incredibly stingy regarding food so I thought I would share the story . . . .

When I was in my early 20s I worked abroad. I met a woman who was from the UK who had worked in my job but was at that point unemployed and living in a hostel.

She was skint and I paid for loads of things. I let her stay with me, would pay for drinks, meals out etc.

She thought she was ill after a few months and she couldn’t get treatment so I suggested she fly home to be treated. I asked if her parents could lend her the flight money, knowing how skint she was. She laughed and said ‘well I could just take it from my savings. Not the trust fund, obviously, that’s for my wedding and buying a house’.

I am working class, had sold my car to pay for the flight to work abroad, and had nothing but the (very small) wage I made each month, and I’d been paying for her.

As my mother said, there’s often a reason rich people are rich.

43ontherocksporfavor · 29/03/2024 20:06

A B&B normally has team and coffee making facilities in the room.

Eatdust1 · 29/03/2024 20:10

My in-laws were generally decent people but sadly very fat phobic. I suspect that a lot of their reasons for being poor hosts were down to the fear of gaining a gram in weight.

My mother in law could cook when it came to impressing friends but for family meals I suspect she kept things just barely edible to prevent anyone overeating. We knew the score and became accustomed to eating very small portions of her unappetizing food and filling up when we got home.

She once very kindly offered to take my two young sons (6 & 8) to Chester Zoo along with my SIL and her 3 children. She stated she would take a picnic lunch. When the boys returned home they asked (in front of their Grandma) "What's for tea? We're starving!" MIL then revealed that the picnic was a packet of crisps and and apple, not much sustenance for a day traipsing around a large zoo. From pp I should be grateful that at least they got a packet of crisps each!

toomanyy · 29/03/2024 20:13

Somepeoplearesnippy · 29/03/2024 11:07

Invited to a friends house for dinner. We turned up (four in a shared car) with hostess gifts of wine, champagne, flowers, homemade bread, chocolates etc. she hadn't cooked anything and suggested we order a takeaway. The food was delivered and very nice. The gifted champagne wasn't opened, nor were the chocolates, or cake or bread served. The next day she sent us all an email asking for £5,70 each towards the cost of the takeaway.

The same friend invited a group of women to her holiday home while our husbands were away together (staying with my DH at our second home in his country of origin). My DH had stocked up our house with wine, beer, food and extra sets of golf clubs so his mates wouldn't have to pay anything but their flights out and car hire and I guess we expected this wife to be similarly hospitable. Far from it. A few days before we arrived (4 women for a 2 day break) she sent us a copy of her Ocado shop and asked us to pay 20% of it each .
The delivery included a pack of 24 loo rolls, a big bottle of Persil, soap, shampoo, cleaning products. She basically expected us to divvy up for her monthly big shop.

It would be great if people could add the outcome…did you pay the 20%? I’m so curious!

Bayleighp · 29/03/2024 20:17

Some of these are unbelievable. Went on holiday with another family once and not once did they offer to buy the ice creams that day. We bought our kids and their kids an ice cream every day because we couldn’t let ours eat one and let them go without. Not once did they return the favour just told their kids to say thank you each time. Their kids even started to ask us when they wanted an ice cream! Listen, we don’t begrudge buying a kid an ice cream at all, we just couldn’t believe they were like that. Another one recently, my sister in law asked my son if he wanted a milkshake as she was ordering a Deliveroo, he’s 10 - he said yes please. She then asked me for £3.75 🤣🤣 I just find it really strange. About 10 years ago, we were quite short of cash, we were having a lot of work done on our house and just had no spare money, because of this we hardly went anywhere as we knew we just couldn’t afford to buy a big round of drinks etc. if these people can’t afford to host they just shouldn’t, it’s as simple as that

Pearlg · 29/03/2024 20:28

@43ontherocksporfavor they sound like the same woman!! for my SIL daughters christening (her own DGC) she offered to bring sandwiches & proceeded to turn up with about 6 egg & onion sandwiches for about 20 people. Gross! My DH would eat about 15 sandwich triangles himself easily haha!

wizzbitt · 29/03/2024 20:31

I remember one Christmas we spent with some family friends. All the parents were from the same country so had the language and culture in common. But that was it really. All of us children got on so we were happy to go. However the meal was meagre. A slice of meat, one potato and some veg. I remember there was no gravy and the meat was dry! I think because I was so used to excess at Christmas I expected it elsewhere. I was about 8 and probably a little entitled. I remember asking for more and the room went silent and my mum told me off! I was confused by this as she’s a total feeder and very generous with people who visit us. It was only years later that I learned it wasn’t a happy home and the two elder daughters were removed due to abuse. The parents were quite draconian in their methods of parenting which included small portions and making the same dinner every night along with physical abuse if they challenged anything ☹️ it was all very sad.

BlueLimeRun · 29/03/2024 20:31

Sone people are just shameless. I’ve really been taken advantage of over the years - but I’ve set some boundaries now - although still seem to be buying my adult nephews gifts when they don’t even send a card to my DC. So perhaps I’ve still a way to go.

I have a friend who I always provide a meal for but only get a hot drink at hers. It’s so odd. She’s a lovely person I just don’t think it crosses her mind.
Another friend, I now say shall we split the bill. She was very happy for me to pay despite earning more than me.

Garlicking · 29/03/2024 20:31

Theroadnottravelled · 29/03/2024 19:43

My PILs are really lovely and generous in lots of ways but MIL is really odd about portion sizes. They eat barely anything and there’s never enough to go around if they have us over - like 2 small meatballs and some veg for dinner or 1 crumpet for breakfast. My H is a big man and eats loads so I don’t understand why they are like this. Not hard up either, it’s not a money thing.

She's probably a regular on the MN undereating threads 🤣

Efrogwraig · 29/03/2024 20:32

shenandoahvalley · 28/03/2024 21:59

I have to say OP, one chicken weighing between 1kg and 1.5kg (bones included) between EIGHT TO TEN people sounds pretty stingy to me!!

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It's not the only food. There were other dishes.

romatheroamer · 29/03/2024 20:32

toomanyy · 29/03/2024 20:02

Your mum sounds ace! Oh to be a fly on the wall when she hammered on their door…

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They actually sound quite abusive. I hope your friend was OK as she grew older.

NCForQuestions · 29/03/2024 20:39

Poshjock · 29/03/2024 19:43

I've got a work one. About 6 work colleagues go out for dinner, different grades. 2 were managers, 2 trainees, 1 manual worker and 1 supervisor. Every orders, and the trainees both order only 1 course and coke. The 1 manager orders full 3 courses the other 2 courses and they share 2 bottles of wine. The remaining 2 have 2 courses and 1 alcoholic drink. Very different price points.

At the end of the meal the manager who had eaten the most took the bill and divided it by 6. I saw the face of the trainee next to me fall, I asked if she was ok and she said she only ordered as she did as it was all she could afford (trainee wages are shocking). Being a bit older and well past the being nice for nice sakes I said we will pay what we each consumed. Both trainees instantly had their money ready as they had planned their meal accordingly. The manager develops sudden amnesia. The bill was a handwritten affair so no clues there. The other manager (OM) was interestingly mute and I suspect was all to happy with 1/6 of the bill. Suddenly the waitress appeared behind tight wad manager (TWM) with her order pad and starts reciting everything he ordered and it's price, she then looked around the table and asked if anyone else needed help. I also already had worked out my portion so she started taking payment from me and the trainees. OM seemed to remember what she ordered and offered up her card. TWM was still faffing around with his phone calculator but eventually had to concede and pay his share. His bill was more than double the trainees and both managers' considerably higher than than the "proposed" 1/6 share.

It was staggering meanness and entitlement from TWM and in my opinion fully enabled by the OM. It was a glorious moment when the waitress appeared, she obviously realised what was going on and was having none of it.

I staged a similar intervention last year. Arsehole big boss insisted the team go to a fancy place (where there was also only one item on the menu a colleague with allergies could eat. He knew the colleague's allergies, as we all eat together at least once a month).

So we go, and the poorest paid team members do the same as yours - cheapest main on the menu and water to drink. I said fuck it and had two expensive courses and a cocktail for a change.

When the bill came, he tried to split it 8 ways, but I asked him to pass me the bill so I could calculate my own as I had had much more than others and didn't see why they should subside my fancy meal.

Boss stuttered and flapped as he'd had 3 bloody courses and several drinks....

Anyway. After much faffing, those who had budgeted £20 were no longer being asked to pay more than double that.

I fucking hate it when people ask to split the bill unless we all literally had the same number of drinks, courses or a set menu etc.

We now go to a specific restaurant every time where we all pay at the bar when we order 😂

toomanyy · 29/03/2024 20:39

Poshjock · 29/03/2024 11:58

20 yrs ago worked in an office. 3 of the typists contributed to buy tea, milk, butter and bread and shared daily 10am tea and toast run. Realised in short time that others were helping themselves but not replacing the items used or taking a turn to buy things. They were the technical staff and earning over 3 times our typist wages. Luckily our brilliant supervisor mentioned it to the manager and he personally purchased a small tabletop fridge with a lock. We offered anyone to join in with the "tea fund" but only on of the technicians ever did. The rest weren't interested once they couldn't leach off the least paid staff members!

Utter scum. So glad the manager sorted it.

MummyJ12 · 29/03/2024 20:40

Stayed with some friends to visit a Christmas market, when we got back to theirs we had to eat our cheese and nibbles that we had bought there because they didn’t have any food in and we all shared the wine that we’d taken to thank them for hosting us! In the morning we were given one boiled egg and one slice of toast for breakfast. The house was freezing and they had no milk in for tea or coffee. They’re absolutely loaded so being strapped for cash definitely not the reason. They also had us get a babysitter for our kids but took theirs with us!

As a guest, what's the stingiest thing you've ever experienced?

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