Page 31 | As a guest, what's the stingiest thing you've ever experienced?

Marssuri · 2024-03-28T16:01:00+00:00

Just that! I'll start I invited friends for dinner at mine. I made traditional dishes from where I'm from, sausage rougail, chicken cari and dessert. A few days later they text me telling me to come to theirs for some food at dinner time. I show up and bring a small jar of chilli peppers. One of the people who invited me goes "is that all you're going to eat?". I was confused and asked what they meant. They replied "It's everyone brings their own food." I told them I thought they had invited me for dinner and they go "yes, we invited you to come to the house for dinner!". They saw my face and said "don't worry, we can share some food with you!" before cutting a couple of raw carrots, aubergines, cherry tomatoes with some white sauce and putting them in the middle of the table. They then served each other the meal they had made for themselves and digged in. *Note from MNHQ - we've had lots of nominations for this thread to be moved over to Mumsnet Classics and, as we're very generous hosts, we've done exactly this.*

toomanyy · 29/03/2024 20:42

Chelsea26 · 29/03/2024 12:02

A lot of this is very familiar to the behaviour of EXH’s family - if they visited I’d load the fridge with things they liked and they’d get at least two home cooked meals a day and all the booze and we’d get sod all at their house but I’ve just remembered one example of his sister who was the worst of all of them.

I was pregnant so obviously not drinking and she suggested we go to Frankie and Benny’s for dinner. I obviously said I don’t mind driving but I couldn’t fit everyone in the car. No matter, it was approx 20 min round trip so I drop ExH, SIL and her two kids into town and loop back round to pick up BIL.
As we were getting back into town SIL called BIL and I could hear her saying “Make sure you pay for parking.” I was surprised given what I knew about her but thought, ‘oh that’s polite as I’m picking them up and dropping them home.’ I did have a quick look while he was paying - £1.50

Anyway in the restaurant - SIL & BIL get stuck into the beers, order all the food, their kids order from the adult menu and ExH and I order our food but he doesn’t drink as we’re leaving early in the morning and sharing the long drive home. Bill comes and SIL splits it down the middle and says we owe nearly £100.

I’d swallowed a lot from them by this point and wasn’t in the mood so I said.
”Well no, there’s 4 of you and you’ve been drinking and we haven’t so don’t think we do.” And she said, you’ve guessed it, “but we paid for parking!”

I sat there with the bill and worked it out to the penny and told them what it added up to. She still had the audacity to say ‘have you split the parking?’ And I snapped at her not to make me start on the petrol as well and she finally shut up!

We never went for a meal with them again!

Masterful 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼

cuckyplunt · 29/03/2024 20:44

It’s the Scottish thing.. “You’ll have had your tea?”
Can anyone remember where that comes from?

RedPanda2022 · 29/03/2024 20:45

A wedding reception where we were asked to bring a specific dish of food, e.g. I was asked to bring coleslaw for 12 plus whatever we wanted to drink. Luckily tap water was available for those who forgot a drink.

BlueLimeRun · 29/03/2024 20:46

happens where I work too - people that earn 4/5 times as much taking food from the desks of juniors.
or asking where’s the food ? Er you can just buy it yourself in many places a few minutes walk away.

MadMadaMim · 29/03/2024 20:46

Not me but in our group of friends (friends 34 yrs).

Friends Y and Z (part of group since teens, married mid 20s) invited friend A and her husband to visit for the weekend. They owned a local small business and regularly airbnbed their spare rooms. All going well, lovely weekend. Hosts told guests to help themselves to whatever and make themselves at home.

Monday morning, cooked breakfast so the don't need to stop for lunch (5 hr drive). As they're leaving, hosts present friend A with an invoice for their stay - 3 nights' board, drinks and snacks they'd helped themselves to (as instructed), the alcohol and the they'd consumed, the last breakfast.

She has complete form and it's why I went NC 25 yrs ago. Friend A stupidly paid ('on principle').

Needless to say, none of us see Y and Z. I've never met anyone like her. If I shared some of the stories, you wouldn't believe them

MILTOBE · 29/03/2024 20:49

I think these work-related ones should be reported to HR. It's outrageous that a manager should expect a junior to pay for an expensive meal when they've deliberately chosen cheap dishes.

toomanyy · 29/03/2024 20:50

JudgeJ · 29/03/2024 12:57

And I think that that sums up this thread, inevitably it's the people with plenty who give the least generally. I taught in a socially mixed area of a city and we took classes for a week to a place in the Dales, it was the children from the better-off homes who turned their noses up at anything messy on the rota. One boy lost his spending money on day 1 so I loaned him money, being told I'd never get it back. A few days after we got back he stayed behind and gave me an envelope in which was the money and a note of apology from his mum that she hadn't been able to send it immediately. He also pulled a box of chocolates from his bag, Here, don't tell the others, they'll think I'm dead soft!

Show quote history

Such a kind thing you did. His mum must have been so happy when he told her.

Accipe · 29/03/2024 20:52

Godesstobe · 29/03/2024 19:53

My SIL is incredibly tight with money (although she has no need to be, it is just a mindset). Her presents have become the stuff of legend in our family.
For example, her wedding present to us was a book about Alister Crowley, the occultist, despite the fact that, surprisingly, it wasn't on our wedding gift list and neither of us had ever expressed the slightest interest in him or the subject.

But our all time favourite is the Christmas present she gave our 12 year old DD - a pink ladies' razor. ( To be fair it did come in a pack with a natty little sticker thing for attaching it to the wall.) My DD is blonde and was about as far from hirsute as it was possible to be. We laughed so much when she opened it and 20 years on we still roar with laughter whenever we recall it. Truly the gift that has kept on giving.

My SIL used to keep a huge suitcase under the bed where she kept a load of crap that she bought when she saw it. For our daughter on her 6th birthday she gave her a totally unsuitable bikini that was far too big, a punctured uninflatable pink pig and something else odd. All went into the bin.

mathanxiety · 29/03/2024 20:52

Drove nine hours with the DCs to visit the ILs and there was nothing for us to eat when we arrived. MIL suggested we try a restaurant they liked, so we got back into the car and drove there. It was shut.

toomanyy · 29/03/2024 20:55

Tattooedcoffeeaddict · 29/03/2024 13:39

My ex sil! She lived around a two hour drive from me and ex husband. One year, shortly before Christmas she decided to invite herself over for a few days. It was shortly before pay day, we had not long had ds and we were really skint so tried to put her off until the next week. She was having none of it! Said it would be fine and she wouldn’t expect us to ‘host’ her or pay for her meals. Begrudgingly agreed.

First night she insisted on takeaway promising she’d pay her share. We really couldn’t afford it so me and ex ordered one main to share and a rice to share. No sides, no popadoms. Just the cheapest meal on the menu. Our usual takeaway which did large portions were closed but we assumed the portions would be decent anyway.
Sil couldn’t work out what she wanted so ordered two mains, rice, a couple of sides… the works basically with the plan of eating anything left over for dinner the next day.

Food turns up and so I ask sil for her share of the costs… of course she has no cash on her! ‘She must have spent it on the way and not realised… oooh aren’t i so dipsy’. I then have to pay for her food and I’m a pound or two short. The ex starts hunting down the back of sofas and going through drawers trying to find the shortfall. I was really upset, the change was what I was going to use to pay for milk in the morning. Anyway eventually we manage to find the extra £1.20 and mortifyingly pay the man.

To add insult to injury I notice that the portions are a fair bit smaller than any takeaway I’ve ever had before and it was going to be quite a slim dinner for me and ex that night. Sil can see this, swoops in announcing she likes the look of what we’ve ordered and says she’s trying some. Pours about a quarter of the container on her plate and then proceeds to sit there with her bountiful feast while me and ex husband have the amount you’d feed a 7 year old.

Ex husband asks if he can try some of hers and gets a firm ‘no, I’m saving the left overs for my lunch tomorrow’.

I was livid. I never pandered to sil again after that. We eventually fell out over her trying to effectively steal our laptop but that’s another story!

Edit: caught up on thrrad

KnitnNatterAuntie · 29/03/2024 20:58

This isn't a guest story but it's very definitely a stingy one. It must have happened 20+ years ago but I've never forgotten it . . . .

My DM was in hospital and there was a sweet elderly lady in the bed next to her. Her daughters visited her and the old lady asked them if they could bring in a toilet bag to keep her toiletries together when she went to the bathroom. The three daughters argued about this for the rest of visiting time. . . which one was going to provide the toilet bag, how much it would cost, did Mum REALLY need one etc etc etc. They were very well dressed ladies and didn't appear to be short of the 99p it would have cost them to buy their Mum a toilet bag 😕

spottydinosaur · 29/03/2024 20:59

Popworks · 29/03/2024 10:38

When I was about 8 or 9, i was invited to my first sleepover at a friend's house. I was so excited. My mum told me to remember that different families do different things, and that I should try my best to eat what I was offered, even if it was unfamiliar, and that I must be polite. I was a very polite, sensible, shy child so that was fine.

Her mum picked us from school - so was well aware that I hadn't eaten my evening meal. We played quite happily in her bedroom until about 6.30pm when her mum knocked on the door. "Friend, come downstairs now". She said to me to wait there and that my friend would be back in ten or fifteen minutes. I was actually a bit worried as her mum sounded stern and I thought my friend was in trouble. She came back and i could smell food on her. I remember feeling so awkward and unsure, but we carried on playing until, after ten mins or so, I asked when we would be having dinner. My friend wouldn't look at me, but just said "we already have". I just was too shy to argue back that I was hungry, but I thought I'd be OK as surely they would give me something before bedtime - in my family, we would always have some weetabix or toast or a couple of biscuits a little before bedtime, if we were hungry. But a few hours later, her mum told us to go to bed - no food offered. I remember lying there, trying to go to sleep (on a thin camping mattress with an itchy blanket - they were as ungenerous with comforts as they were with food!) with my stomach growling, feeling so confused.

I woke up, sick with hunger, at about 4.30am and laid there until my friend woke up about 7 ish. Finally, at about 7.30, her dad called up "Time for breakfast". I remember feeling SO relieved. We walked downstairs and her dad stopped me at the bottom. He was a tall, deep voiced man and he scared me a bit. "You'll be home soon enough, you don't need anything". I remember them watching as I walked back up the stairs and I just didn't dare say "but I'm hungry". They also told me that I didn't need to brush my teeth as I had done it last night - maybe saving toothpaste?

Eventually my mum picked me up, as arranged, I think about 10.30 or 11am. I politely thanked them on the door step, as I knew I had to do, and I got in the car with my mum. I don't think we even had driven out of their street before I burst into sobs and told my mum how hungry I was, having not eaten since my school dinner the day before. I don't think I had ever seen my mum so furious. She spun the car around and marched back to their house, before hammering on the door. I don't know what was said - I was still I the car and it was far enough that I could only hear raised voices - but she never spoke to them again and I suspect she told a lot of people, as I remember other children asking me about it, so presumably had heard from their parents.

I do have a positive memory from it though; after my mum had yelled at them, she drove me to the supermarket and told me to pick anything I wanted for lunch. I chose a heinz cheese and bean pizza, which new to the shelves (showing my age there!) and an apple cream cake, so I felt incredibly spoilt. I still can't believe though that anyone would leave a child to go hungry whilst feeding themselves.

This is by far the worst. Most of the stingiest on this thread relates to adults but as a child this is crazy someone could do that!

Good on your mum for confronting them. Would love to know what words were exchanged!

WoollyRosebud · 29/03/2024 20:59

My parents always used to have a New Years Day party for the neighbours when I was growing up. Dad used to stand in the kitchen making massive fry ups for all the guests. I can remember the couple across the road turning up, seeing all the food being cooked and going home to get their kids so it would save having to cook for them later. Dad didn't mind in the slightest and threw more sausages, eggs and bacon into the frying pan. I met the wife a couple of summers ago and she reminisced about the wonderful parties, the food, ever flowing drinks and how much her children had enjoyed the fry ups. Dad and Mum are not alive any more but I am sure would have been delighted to be remembered as being such good hosts.

Emotionalsupportviper · 29/03/2024 20:59

cuckyplunt · 29/03/2024 20:44

It’s the Scottish thing.. “You’ll have had your tea?”
Can anyone remember where that comes from?

There was a radio programme with Graeme Garden and Barry Cryer (Hamish and Dougal) where this was a catch phrase. Every now and then it's repeated on bBC sounds, - might even be on at the moment.

Edited following a fierce skirmish with autocarrot which insisted on changing Dougal to Douglas. It just tried to do it again, the bugger!

Mistralli · 29/03/2024 21:01

Recently invited a friend to dinner. "You do mean dinner, right?" She said. "With food?"

"Erm yes, I'll do a roast. Is chicken good? The baby-" [we're baby group friends]-"can eat it too. Bring the highchair." I was utterly baffled.

She the proceeded to tell me about this bizarre "barbecue" they'd been invited to, by one of her NCT friends. After sitting with them for 3 hours and no food appeared or barbecue being lit, they'd made their excuses and left to go home and eat. Her best guess was that the other friend had just forgotten about the invitation!

So possibly not stingy, just absent minded parent struggles, but I think a barbecue without any food at all rather takes the biscuit! :D

OldPerson · 29/03/2024 21:10

There's something fundamentally wrong here. Not sure if this is a wind up. But people only invite people into their homes if they are friends. People only cook for friends or family. Really not getting my head around OP inviting "friends" for dinner and cooking, and then "friends" inviting OP to dinner and not providing food. It's just not British on any level.
I would honestly say "Run for the hills".
This is just wrong on so many levels.
I would honestly advise "Call the Sammaritans"
It's either slightly nasty bullying.
Or seriously, regardless, find new friends.

Daftmum47 · 29/03/2024 21:13

I was at my friend’s house recently, while my child played with her children.

I like her a lot, and have been very generous in the past, inviting her to dinner parties at mine, her and her kids on holiday with me, etc and not bothered about whether or not she reciprocated.

It came to tea time, and she made grilled cheddar wraps for the kids, and then offered me one. I gladly accepted, and was just chatting away to her about my favourite quick lunch being blue cheese grilled on pitta bread with walnut pieces and black grapes when I noticed that she was grilling hereself a blue cheese wrap … which she proceeded to wolf down, with a generous helping of black grapes!

Such a little thing, it probably sounds petty written down, but I’ve been so generous to over many years, it really told me something about her.

Original poster

Marssuri · 29/03/2024 21:16

OldPerson · 29/03/2024 21:10

There's something fundamentally wrong here. Not sure if this is a wind up. But people only invite people into their homes if they are friends. People only cook for friends or family. Really not getting my head around OP inviting "friends" for dinner and cooking, and then "friends" inviting OP to dinner and not providing food. It's just not British on any level.
I would honestly say "Run for the hills".
This is just wrong on so many levels.
I would honestly advise "Call the Sammaritans"
It's either slightly nasty bullying.
Or seriously, regardless, find new friends.

They weren't British tbf, they were from a different European country I spent a few years in before moving to the UK. Maybe it was just a difference in cultures and expectations

OP posts:

Original poster

Marssuri · 29/03/2024 21:22

Emotionalsupportviper · 29/03/2024 20:59

There was a radio programme with Graeme Garden and Barry Cryer (Hamish and Dougal) where this was a catch phrase. Every now and then it's repeated on bBC sounds, - might even be on at the moment.

Edited following a fierce skirmish with autocarrot which insisted on changing Dougal to Douglas. It just tried to do it again, the bugger!

Edited

Show quote history

Auto carrot made it even funnier💀

OP posts:

Garlicking · 29/03/2024 21:23

Maybe it was just a difference in cultures and expectations

I don't think there is any culture on Earth that doesn't value generous, reciprocal hospitality. Sure, different cultures have various customs around eating everything you're given or not, bringing a gift or not, offering more and asking for more - but NOWHERE is it normal to entertain guests without refreshments, or to under-cater.

Sharing food is a basic human activity. There's something wrong with those who don't.

DoorPath · 29/03/2024 21:23

Easipeelerie · 29/03/2024 19:00

A mum at dd’s school invited me and other mums for drinks and nibbles.
It was actually an Arbonne sales event and the nibbles were non existent. I was so hungry (as I’d assumed I’d eat there), that I ate some pizza crusts her sons and their mates had left.

Another one where the PP greedily went somewhere and expected - what, dinner? - when you'd been told nibbles. I bet you didn't eat all evening in anticipation. You're the stingy one in this scenario. When you're going somewhere for drinks and nibbles, you're supposed to have fed yourself dinner first and not arrive starving...

Hoardasauruskaren · 29/03/2024 21:24

Totally true that it’s the well off that are stingiest! As a child we lived week to week and would only have food for actual meals left by the middle of the week. I still remember occasions where relatives would pop in for a quick visit unannounced and DM would get one of us kids to run to corner shop for biscuits/ cake rather than serve them tea/coffee with nothing to eat !
Thinking back it was probably her last few quid till pay day but she wouldn’t embarrass herself by not providing a plate of cakes/biscuits & looking poor! Maybe the well off stingy folk know they have nothing to prove 🤷‍♀️

samarrange · 29/03/2024 21:25

cuckyplunt · 29/03/2024 20:44

It’s the Scottish thing.. “You’ll have had your tea?”
Can anyone remember where that comes from?

I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue!

Hamish and Dougal - s01e01 - 2002-12-24 - The Musical Evening

Barry Cryer & Graham Garden as Hamish and Dougal

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLNWxc-1c2I

Garlicking · 29/03/2024 21:25

DoorPath · 29/03/2024 21:23

Another one where the PP greedily went somewhere and expected - what, dinner? - when you'd been told nibbles. I bet you didn't eat all evening in anticipation. You're the stingy one in this scenario. When you're going somewhere for drinks and nibbles, you're supposed to have fed yourself dinner first and not arrive starving...

Show quote history

Eh? She said there were no 'nibbles' apart from left-behind pizza crusts.

Maydayyy · 29/03/2024 21:25

VeronicaBeccabunga · 28/03/2024 19:02

Invited to a friend's for supper, she reminded me that she is a vegan.
Meal was a can of chickpeas, poured out cold and still in their gloopy liquid, between three of us.
My face must've showed my feelings because she added a little dribble of olive oil on top and got out a white sliced loaf, in the plastic bag.

This has made me laugh so much 😂

As a guest, what's the stingiest thing you've ever experienced?

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