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Original poster

Wedding guest awkwardness

33 replies

pinkiepurpl · 27/03/2024 15:26

So me and my fiance are having a small wedding this autumn.

he fell out with his brother but has recently made up. The fallout was over a comment his sibling made about me, but we now think it was their wite who was steering it all.

Im happy my fiance is back speaking to his brother. I know his brother and wife dislike me they have from when they met me and I’m not sure why

no matter how hard I tried with them and their kids they just made funny remarks and then last year I’m not sure what the purpose was but it highlighted to my fiance how I’m not deluded and they actually dislike me!

we’ve sent invites out and he’s said he wants to invite his brother now , which I understand.

I did say could we just invite his brother, I mean I’m not comfortable around him but it’s his brother and I get it. But my fiance is scared of awkwardness so doesn’t want to just invite his brother but understands why I wouldn’t want his brothers wife there as she makes me uncomfortable

is there any way around this or compromise? Do I have to have people who dislike me at my wedding lol??? I have to invite his brother I get this but I thought meeting in the middle would be the brother invited alone (so then it’s only 1 person who dislikes me there haha)

OP posts:
GodSavetheJean · 27/03/2024 15:30

As much as I hate her for you, not inviting the SIL will only make it even more awkward. I would suck it up ( I KNOW IT SUCKS TO HAVE TO DO THAT ON YOUR WEDDING DAY!) for the good of the future. Just make sure your best friend spills Pinot on the SIL so you get the last laugh.

2dogsandabudgie · 27/03/2024 15:35

Has your fiancé asked them why they don't like you?

Original poster
pinkiepurpl · 27/03/2024 15:41

@2dogsandabudgie no he doesn’t want to pose an awkward convo he said. Found it hard but not hard when he told BIL (to be) to fuck off after that text I mentioned in my post

I feel bad as I’d hate if my sister disliked ny fiance and was open about it it’d be very uncomfortable

OP posts:

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Weddings
Jasmin1971 · 27/03/2024 15:45

Elope?

LenaLamont · 27/03/2024 15:51

You can’t invite him and not his wife. Either both or neither.

Original poster
pinkiepurpl · 27/03/2024 15:52

I’ll give some context of the comments I’ve had over the years

i met My fiance when I was 20, he was 7 years older. I preferred someone older and more mature. His brother constantly made comments about our age gap, me being ‘too young’ and even went as far to say their divorce parents had the same age gap and to ‘watch out’ lol.

when we got our house he said “I can’t wait to see how you two cope with the stress of bills and owning a house”. We’ve had our house 5 years now :) and it’s going well

said similar when we announced our pregnancy years ago.

he s made comments about money in the past as my fiance earns a good wage but has worked bloody hard to. He constantly makes ‘jokes’ about how my fiance can afford anything and is ‘rich’ (he’s a good saver too)

he made comment about my age the first time I met him so before I even got to make an impression

OP posts:
UnravellingTheWorld · 27/03/2024 15:55

You can't invite the brother but not his wife.

DaBlackCatsAreDaBestCats · 27/03/2024 15:59

I actually don’t think the comments he made are that bad but no, to invite him and not the wife is bad form

Original poster
pinkiepurpl · 27/03/2024 16:02

I do think this was just hoping I could :(

those aren’t horrendous I will leave out which one he made which made them fall out but quite snippy comments which were disguised as ‘jokes’ and only a few of many mentioned

OP posts:
LakeTiticaca · 27/03/2024 16:35

I would not want someone who dislikes me at my wedding. Your DP needs to grow a pair, stand up for you, and invite neither of them

ChoccieEgg49 · 27/03/2024 16:42

I think kill them with kindness. Invite them both. Just paint a smile and fake it. Don't let them know they bother you. Its way more annoying to nasty bullies when their comments have zero effect on a person!
Agree with others though OP- You absolutely can't invite his brother and not SIL. You would be feeding into their contempt and giving them ammunition.
Let them come to your wedding and see how happy you both are - rub their condescending faces in it and have the most amazing day - you won't even notice they're there!

NorfolkEnchantsIsThere · 27/03/2024 16:48

Honestly I don't think those comments were too bad on the grand scale of things. Just the brother being snippy.

I wouldn't invite the brother and leave the wife out, it's just petty.

Rocknrollstar · 27/03/2024 17:02

Invite them and don’t sit them near you.

Brightshoe · 27/03/2024 17:06

Oh dear, you're not even married yet, but what you actually have is a DH problem.

Why do you want to marry a man who wants people who openly dislike you at your wedding? What has he done to try and resolve this?

No, you can't invite the brother and not his wife.

Doseofreality · 27/03/2024 17:09

I would make it very clear that you are the Bride and without you there simply is no wedding. If you don’t want her there, don’t show up if she does.

vanillawaffle · 27/03/2024 17:11

Your brother needs to have a chat and say look mate there's no point you or the misses coming if you don't actually like my fiance.

vanillawaffle · 27/03/2024 17:11

Don't invite them and if they ask your fiance has to say because it's obvious they don't like you so why would they want to come?

zurg123 · 27/03/2024 18:06

If they are the height of the comments then I think you need to lighten up. I think invite both or none.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 27/03/2024 18:12

Can you invite them both to the wedding, @pinkiepurpl, but get your friends/bridesmaids to run interference and make sure she never gets anywhere near you?

NewName24 · 27/03/2024 18:25

You need to invite them both.

If the comments you have written out are all you are worried about, then you are creating drama, tbh.

There is nothing (in what you have told us to try to make out how awful they are.....) that a brother wouldn't say to his brother.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 28/03/2024 16:27

I would invite them but put them at a table as far away from you as possible. Beside the loo preferably. They sound like the sort to take it personally. Which is nice.

Then I wouldn't give them a second thought. Not your circus.

Mummame2222 · 28/03/2024 16:29

pinkiepurpl · 27/03/2024 15:52

I’ll give some context of the comments I’ve had over the years

i met My fiance when I was 20, he was 7 years older. I preferred someone older and more mature. His brother constantly made comments about our age gap, me being ‘too young’ and even went as far to say their divorce parents had the same age gap and to ‘watch out’ lol.

when we got our house he said “I can’t wait to see how you two cope with the stress of bills and owning a house”. We’ve had our house 5 years now :) and it’s going well

said similar when we announced our pregnancy years ago.

he s made comments about money in the past as my fiance earns a good wage but has worked bloody hard to. He constantly makes ‘jokes’ about how my fiance can afford anything and is ‘rich’ (he’s a good saver too)

he made comment about my age the first time I met him so before I even got to make an impression

Umm, nothing outrageous here?

Mrsjayy · 28/03/2024 16:34

Invite them pretend they are the best thing since sliced bread, and ignore any snippiness, not inviting your future sil is just going to cause a scene and a family rift. How the bil behaves is about him not you it's probably some strange sibling rivalry.

sprigatito · 28/03/2024 16:36

Hang on, it's BIL who has made the (admittedly quite catty) remarks, but you want to invite him and exclude SIL, because you believe she is "steering" him? That's nuts. He's responsible for what comes out of his mouth. It's weird and misogynistic to cast SIL as some sort of evil Svengali and him as a powerless puppet.

Either invite them both and don't interact with them much, or don't invite either of them and tell them why. Stop the pointless drama and mind games.

CuttingMeOpenthenHealingMeFine · 28/03/2024 16:36

You know fine well OP that you can’t invite BIL without SIL, or at least you can’t without coming over as a massive arsehole to the extended family.

The comments don’t sound that bad at all and I agree with pp’s that say you seem like you are just looking for drama. My guess is that you don’t like them and are projecting this into them hating you as an excuse not to have them at the wedding.