If you have autism/ are autistic, what's your biggest challenge?

[heatemyeasteregg]

For me I just find it very difficult to relate to people. I can't understand why people get upset over things that are normal life things. I also find it hard to make friends.

My traits have become significantly worse since having kids. I coped with life reasonably well until children came along but now I constantly feel that I’ve been promoted well move my level of competency 🤣

Sudden loud noises are getting worse for me. If i'm walking down the street and suddenly a dog starts barking for example when you walk past. It makes me jump out my skin.

The other day I was going for a walk and it was a quiet road. A car goes past and a cyclist whizzed past on my blind side and suddenly shouted at the car. Took me a few minutes to get my breath back.

Yup. I didn't realise that I had a problem with it until other pupils at secondary school told me that I was being 'rude'.

I've recently become very aware of my lack of eye contact. When DS was going through diagnosis I was asked what his eye contact is like and I realised that I had absolutely no idea as I don't make eye contact with him.

Pretty sure I have RSD. Whenever my bosses have a closed door meeting I immediately assume I'm getting fired. If a couple of my friends meet up without me I think they're phasing me out. I struggle to complete work in case people read it and think I've done a shit job etc.

There are many times, usually after a day full of meetings at work that I come home and physically can't speak. This happened a lot after school too and I just assumed it was tiredness but now I'm thinking it maybe selective mutism.

I'm fairly new to all this but the absolute worst thing is knowing that all the things I hate about myself, all the things that have held me back, I have passed onto my son. I'm just glad we know about it now and he can understand himself and access support.

@Theothername

Are you sure feeling broken and worthless in the presence of your in laws is a sign of autism?

I do too.

The sensory problems are the worst. Balance, sensitivity to lights, smells and tastes. Also I struggle in social situations especially with people who try to control situations using tone of voice, silence, or body language. I can't do any of those things, but I can see people doing them to control me and it makes me feel intensely uncomfortable.

I also find it really hard to unsee nasty things that I have seen or read in the newspapers or even on mumsnet. I saw something written on MN today that was really yukky and I am still struggling to unsee it several hours later.

My inlaws couldn't stick my at any price either tbh.

Not knowing what to expect/what I’m doing

The noise! I have huge sensory issues around noise. My children make a lot of noise. And I really like other people but find the concentration required to chat with people I don’t know super well or outside of a one to one situation really exhausting.
I find it extremely challenging when plans change unexpectedly, especially meal plans.

Also there's practically nothing I can safely eat and I'm allergic to everything including tap water, antihistamines, and the air in summer. The last two cause my throat to swell up.

LED light bulbs give me migraines.

So basically the whole world is now a health hazard for me. And people wonder why my ds and I struggle with anxiety.

Also that I’m hyperempathetic. I feel all the emotions of everyone else all of the time. For example: I euthanised an elderly couple’s cat last week and sobbed for hours afterwards as they were so sweet but devastated

I'm the same. I have to be really careful these days about what I understand other people to be thinking, because sometimes I can assume people are sad when they really aren't.

I'm 53 and wasn't diagnosed until I was 51. It explained alot. I have been bullied alot . Throughout my schooldays, by so called friends, abused by partners badly, workmates and family members. I had complete breakdowns due to it and I still fear it. Thank God for my lovely wee family and learning more about myself now that I am who I am.
I still struggle with socialising and work conversation. I never fit in to the woman chat. I would love a woman pal as a platonic friend but I never know how to do it as any I have had has always see me as the strange, odd option until a cooler person comes along. Tried to be normal but it never works. I also have been gullible to people who have deceived me . I can't tell when people are lying or ripping me off. This was worse when I was younger . It has some terrible consequences for me.

This thread is so interesting and really demonstrates that autism is a spectrum!

My biggest challenges are

1. I struggle to cope with unexpected change and surprises. I intensely dislike surprise gifts, as I worry I won’t react appropriately and get it wrong. I find change in general can be a bit anxiety inducing.
2. Social communication. I can communicate well and am eloquent, but I do have a tendency to be blunt and also frequently feel quite baffled by the more social aspects such as humour, sarcasm and understanding social cues. That leads to high masking for me, which is quite exhausting.

Making friends. Turn taking in conversation. Self care. Eye contact.

I'm actually very good at talking to people. My job is talking to people. But I have to work really hard at it. I rehearse conversations all the time, and I'm very aware of if I'm making too much or not enough eye contact. I have to really hold myself back from interrupting when I have something to say. I mirror body language and repeat/ paraphrase to show I'm listening but that is a learned skill. I prevent myself from self soothing by tapping or twiddling my thumbs or rocking because that wouldn't be appropriate. I make sure I don't copy sounds or mouth peoples words along with them. It's exhausting and I often go straight to bed when I finish work so I can be quiet and on my own.

I get on well with people but maintaining relationships is incredibly difficult. I actually have no idea how that works. Probably requires more input than I have to give.

Getting myself into the shower or brushing my teeth is ridiculously hard even though I know it should be easy. I don't cook and I have some odd rules around food touching other food. My preference really would be to live on pre-packaged sandwiches and coffee.

If you aren't my immediate family (or reading this post) you wouldn't know any of this though. If you are my immediate family then thanks for letting me just be me with all my slightly odd (by NT standards) behaviours!

Other people, especially neurotypicals. A lot of the time they think I mean something entirely different when I say something, it's easier not to even bother talking.

The fact that being around people exhausts me, and causes a shutdown - I can't do anything and need to be alone and sleep to get over it. Sometimes it lasts days.

My executive functioning is shit, I sit trapped thinking of things I should be doing but never actually doing them. My house is a mess because of this and I get overwhelmed about where to start so end up doing nothing. Also similar - if I know I am doing something later on in the day I can't do anything else, I just get stuck waiting for that event.

Yes this! When to start talking, when to stop talking, remembering to talk so I don't come across as stand-offish but trying not too talk too much, or about the wrong things, or to the wrong person.

Bloody exhausting it is!

This is so interesting. I’m not ND but have taught many ND children. What I wonder is, for those of you who find other people difficult to work or socialise with, do you find it easier to get on with ND people? Or are there certain types of people who are easier to spend time with? I know generalising might be hard here.

Also, can you spot neurodiversity in others (not family)?

For everyone struggling with eye contact (me included), I read a quote recently from a US author called John Elder Robinson, which made me laugh:

"I don't really understand why it's normal to stare at people's eyeballs."

I generally find other autistic (and ADHD) people very difficult to get on with - I’m actually better with NT people. Often get on quite well with people who have dyslexia, for some reason.

I can generally tell when people are ND.

I have ADHD but do suspect autistic traits too

Eye contact is painful!

I have friends and like socialising with one or two at a time. I find socialising in a big group really difficult and overwhelming though! I can never work out what to say and when to say it. I just end up sat there silently, feeling like I’m ‘there’ but not part of it, seeing everyone else laughing and enjoying themselves. I just end up pretending to laugh etc whilst feeling like someone observing from the outside.

Im actually fine with picking up on and reading ‘social cues’ but often struggle with why people can react or feel like they do. I often feel like social rules and relationships and life is just so bloody confusing and overwhelming.

I struggle with rules if they seem pointless or make no sense, and can’t understand why some people are so unquestioningly devoted to following rules.

I have lots of typical ‘normal’ interests but often get fixated on very random, geeky subjects and spend lots of my spare time obsessing and researching over them.

Yes, I generally have a good radar for ND in others.

I find it easier to get on with people who ‘get’ my neurodivergence. Sometimes I find it easier to be around other ND people and not have to mask. Sometimes I find some other ND people inflexible in their thinking and that means they aren’t tolerant when I’m not exactly like them. But I’m sure I have been guilty of that too!

I think being able to unmask is what’s important to me and people being open minded enough not to be fixed in their thinking about how things ‘should’ be done, and being able to drop the ‘but everyone has to …’ kind of thinking. People who are genuinely interested and want to understand and not see my difference as a deficit or assume the worst of me.

Husband is definitely 100% autistic but he will not acknowledge it or even try and research it . We have an adult child who presents differently but is sure he is on the spectrum. Just need to get husband on board to support my lovely son and explore together.

I'm naturally drawn to other ND people and find I can just be myself with them. Turns out my 2 best friends are also ND.

I'm actually a really good conversationalist and communicator, but I do get inwardly frustrated with people who aren't clear in their expectations. My manager has now learned how to communicate with me clearly after a couple of false starts. He actually appreciates my honesty as it cuts out all the faff and gets shit done.