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Original poster

Do you feel you've fulfilled your potential??

43 replies

Yuja · 26/03/2024 21:04

Just being nosy really. I was a smart kid at school, did an arts degree at a good uni then trained as a teacher and enjoyed this for a decade or so. Came out of teaching for various reasons and now work in quite an average job related to education but not teaching. Job is easy enough, wfh, get paid fairly decently (just under 40k) but have limited promotion prospects and isn't wildly challenging. Fits around my DC who are 11 and 9 so still need pick ups etc. I'm 38, feel like my career has stalled and I'm nowhere near my potential level.
Wondering how many of you feel like you've fulfilled your potential, or if you managed to fulfil it later when your DC were a bit older?
Don't get me wrong, im really happy with my life generally - happy DC, loving DH, live in a nice area but do feel like I've underachieved somewhat

OP posts:
ForestBather · 26/03/2024 21:08

What does fulfilling your potential even mean? If you mean in terms of career, then no, I could have gone much further, but I don't believe we can have it all, and didn't want to pay the price fully fulfilling my potential in a career would require.

Original poster
Yuja · 26/03/2024 21:09

Yeah I guess it's career I'm getting at

OP posts:
MrsElsa · 26/03/2024 21:11

38 isn't old tho in terms of career. I bet there are a good few paths open to you if you want to progress. If it bothers you, put the time and effort into progressing. Kids won't be needing you like this for ever.

Mazuslongtoenail · 26/03/2024 21:12

No. I think I could have been more successful. But I’m financially comfortable, really happy and have made a conscious decision to coast a bit for the sake of my home life.

And I don’t mean taking on more of the domestic load, DH does about 60%. I mean about not being shattered everyday and having time and energy for non-work things.

Swoopy · 26/03/2024 21:12

Career wise, not at all (or not yet, anyway). Academically and personally, yes.

Mum2jenny · 26/03/2024 21:14

No, I’ve screwed up big time but I’m having to deal with it. Partly my choice in choosing work I enjoy rather than climbing the ladder to better paid boring jobs.

JustJessi · 26/03/2024 21:19

I’m convinced that the notion of ‘reaching one’s potential’ is a scam. It’s never-ending; there is no end to anyone’s potential. I am very fulfilled by my job (teaching) and satisfied with what I have (which is plenty; I’m not trying to glamorise poverty!).

If you've got a good life, but you’re always striving for more, even if it is for the seemingly moral obligation of reaching one’s potential, when is anything ever enough? Does the quest for ‘reaching potential’ stop us from recognising the positives we already have?

Ioverslept · 26/03/2024 21:19

No, I feel similar to you but I'm older

Villagetoraiseachild · 27/03/2024 22:13

Thanks Op for posting this. I was thinking the very same today and wondered if there was a thread on Mumsnet and lo and behold it is.
I think I also see it in terms of personal fulfillment, notv exalted position in a hierarchy or very high pay.
Maybe it's finding your own niche or if you're a creative, creating something only you can create.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 27/03/2024 22:20

What does potential mean though? Earning a high salary (compared with what?)? Becoming well-known in your field? Getting a job that counts as good or impressive (based on what criteria?)? Or doing what you wanted to do?

I'm a teacher. It’s all I ever wanted to do. I decided that when I was 12 and am now 52. I certainly have some moments when I wish I weren't one, but it feels like it's what I was meant to do, so I guess that's my potential. I have an Oxbridge degree though, and many of my contemporaries from uni have had very high-flying careers.

Mayflower282 · 27/03/2024 22:21

We had it drummed into us at school to make sure we were “always reaching out potential”…myself and a lot of my old school friends have at some point burnt out, mental breakdowns etc. I wish I could go back in time and go to a different school. It’s hard to de-program myself. I just want to relax and enjoy life, but I feel so much guilt if I’m not always pushing 100% 😕

WishesPromised · 27/03/2024 22:57

No. I've wasted a good deal of my time and potential.

I am trying to sort that out now, but it's much harder when older with children.

ForestBather · 27/03/2024 23:01

PhD dropout here. I've realised I don't even want to fulfill my potential. Just take me into the wilderness and leave me there for a while. I'd rather explore and be at one with nature than have a big bank account.

AyeupDuck · 27/03/2024 23:01

I did well enough, academics came easily to me and I didn’t really have to do much. My brother always says how lazy I am, he has a PhD and said my laziness was stopping me doing a PhD. He is mega successful. I have plenty of friends, healthy retirement pot, lovely DH and DS. Peak of my career was running an academic library at a well regarded University. So was never going to be a millionaire.

My ideal day is striding along The Roaches in Staffordshire, eating sandwiches and drinking a flask of tea with DH and chatting about anything and everything.

Our most successful friend career wise is a guy that did his PhD at Cambridge with DH. He has an absolute mega job in the city and earns huge amounts of money, he is also the mardiest bastard I have ever met. He has a huge distrust that all women are after his money.

Feeling loved and being able to give love is my greatest achievement as I grew up in a very emotionally cold house.

Bluewallss · 27/03/2024 23:04

Yes and no.

Yes for the circumstances I grew up in. I couldn’t have done any better. I grew up being abused and as a young carer so everything was a real challenge.

No because I am 100% sure if I had better access to education growing up I’d be doing even better. Even though I am not doing badly at all.

dudsville · 27/03/2024 23:06

I'm going to say I'm continuing to fulfil my potential by leading a good life. "Good" as defined by me. And "continuing" because my life is still in progress.

Namechanged4obviousreasons · 27/03/2024 23:13

Nope, I could have achieved more in my career. Do I want to though? Nope.

It can seem like a hamster wheel where there’s never an end to wanting to achieve more and what for? I’m satisfied that I hold down a job I enjoy most of the time, I do good for my community, I can give my children a reasonable life (it has been tough at times but much better now). I can get any other fulfilment I need through hobbies and interests, rather than slogging my guts out to make someone else rich and missing out on actual life.

What is it that you think you’re missing? There’s always a trade-off so would you be happy to give up other things to achieve more? Usually the trade-off is less time for more success. Success can be measured in so many ways though and a career/money isn’t my preference. A lot of those that push themselves at work are burning out and very unhappy. They’re also unlikely to ever be satisfied and constantly searching for more.

Brightandbubly · 27/03/2024 23:20

Career wise probably not but life wise v happy. long loving marriage and brought up some wonderful compassionate children. I think the realisation that this for is for me what really matters means is more important

grinandslothit · 27/03/2024 23:56

What would your ideal achievement look like to you?

Moveoverdarlin · 27/03/2024 23:58

I was. Then I became a mother which in all honesty fucked it up.

Penguinsa · 27/03/2024 23:58

Generally very happy - academically got to Oxbridge first person from my comp to go then got to do all the jobs I dreamed of doing which also used my degree so happy with that. Lovely husband who have been married to for years and 2 lovely kids, lovely house thatched cottage that I dreamed of as a child. Nice holidays. Mortgage paid off years ago. And a great cat.

coxesorangepippin · 28/03/2024 00:34

Nope.

I actually quite clever but didn't go to a good secondary school. Went to a red brick (BA) but basically have failed to really launch.

I earn decent money in a good job, but nowhere near as impressive as I think it could have been.

I'm trying to improve my career prospects with extra training/qualifications, but let's face it, with an arts degree there are limitations.

WrenNatsworthy · 28/03/2024 00:42

I honestly don't care. I used to.
Measuring my self worth by all kinds of goals, always wanting more, never feeling as though I was enough.

My life changed drastically because of a cancer diagnosis in 2019. I stopped making prisons for myself. I give myself so much less of a hard time. It's still a work in progress, but just letting go of having to 'be' anything is so much relief.

Giggorata · 28/03/2024 00:58

No, I didn't.
Looking back on it all though, I don't mind.
I didn't do Oxbridge like the rest of the family, didn’t have the six figure salary career and the house in the Cotswolds and all that.
I followed a more bohemian route and have had some very interesting times and experiences.
Went to uni as a mature student in the end and now have retired from a challenging yet rewarding career, and have enough money to live happily. Just.

Of course, this is assessing it on monetary and conventional success type terms.
I would say that I have achieved my potential as a reasonably well rounded being, with people I love, interests, contentment and so forth.

SprinkleOfSunak · 28/03/2024 01:06

You sound so much like me OP in many ways. I achieved my ambition of becoming a Teacher and have been one for many years, but only because I feel I am trapped and can’t get out of it. I have come to truly hate it.

I constantly think about all the different things I could have done, and really don’t think I’ve reached my potential, and it really depresses me when I realise I probably never will.