Did boomers get it right?

[GreyGoosehound]

I’ve lurked on several recent posts about deteriorating behaviour in schools, with increasing violence and 4 and 5 year olds who don’t have basic skills.

I’ve also seen threads and SM posts about boomers, mainly negative. But it’s also acknowledged that GenX are quite a hardy, resilient bunch.

I am generation X, and have brought up my genZ children differently to how I was raised. I was more present in their lives, made huge efforts to meet their needs in a way that my parents didn’t, as did many other parents in my age group.

You don’t need to look hard to find criticism of Millenials and GenZ, and GenAlpha (2012+) are commonly discussed as nightmare fodder.

Did the benign neglect and distanced parenting of boomers work better for growing children? Did the freedom that GenX had make a huge difference in their development?

I know there are global issues that contribute - the internet must have made a huge difference to both parenting and in child development, financially GenX had an easier time of becoming independent from parents, all this will have an effect.

I wonder if this is just a blip in human development, or how genZ and future generations will parent their children in response to how they were parented.
Thought this would make an interesting discussion.

My Mum would have been one to say 'just wear the heels'.

"Don't make a fuss." "Don't be difficult." "Be easy." "It's not that bad."

Yes, and who could blame her for not trying to overturn millenia of patriarchy. But it was the 'boomer' generation who made great inroads into equality, prepared the ground, who were prepared to strike and protest, the second wave feminists. They didn't all sit on their tusches in their cheap houses wallowing in their riches and sticking their fingers up at generations past and future.

I assume that today's youth will be refusing any inheritance from their 'boomer' antecedents as they're so against unearned wealth.

That’s not what helicopter parenting is. It is never letting your child try anything for themselves, or take risks, or fail at anything.

You can spend a lot of time with your child and still foster independence/let them make their own mistakes, and that wouldn’t be helicopter parenting. Equally you could barely see your child, but helicopter them from afar via daily interfering emails to their teachers, friends’ parents, etc.

My mother certainly wasn't one of the trailblazers. Even now my parents think anything I do outside the home is a hobby and not to be encouraged. I've been very family focused but have been proactive in letting my daughters know they have choices. So standing up the patriarchy started more with me.

Standing up to my father and his verbal abuse started with me. My mother asked me to just say nothing and take it to not rock the boat. I told her that if she wanted to allow him to abuse her, then that was up to her, but I wasn't accepting it. Funny though, he backed down very quickly when I did stand up to him.

'Standing up to my father and his verbal abuse started with me. My mother asked me to just say nothing and take it to not rock the boat. I told her that if she wanted to allow him to abuse her, then that was up to her, but I wasn't accepting it. Funny though, he backed down very quickly when I did stand up to him.'

Great that you could do that. Not being able to stand up to an abuser isn't a 'boomer' thing.

Never said it was. I think women these days are less economically reliant on men in general, which does empower them to put up with less. This can only be a good thing.

More hands off parenting does not mean parents don't love, communicate, or are unsupportive of their kids.

Yes, some parents were, just like some are now.

And the fact that there is a mental health crisis now, which has been well documented, does not mean that anyone is claiming that no one struggled before.

Strange then that people in their 50s (those raised by boomers) are most likely to take their own lives and suffer from severe mental illness.

Suicide statistics showing people, particularly men, between the ages of 45 and 54 as being the age group most likely to take their own lives have been fairly static since at least the 70s. I'm guessing a 50 year old in 1970 wasn't raised by a 'boomer'.

That’s bollocks. I still flinch when I hear a raised voice as I assume a slap is coming. It runs deep.

I wonder if a significant factor in the huge rise in the incidence of mental health problems is the easy availability (and seeming acceptability in some circles) of recreational drugs, especially cannabis and cocaine. Even if a young person chooses not to try them, the very possibility is anxiety-inducing for both parents and children, and contributes to the sense that the world is a dangerous and unstable place.

Whereas in the 60s drugs (and free love) tended to be the preserve of a small, well-heeled bohemian set in the arts and media (hence the public image of the ‘swinging 60s). In fact, the world my older brothers were brought up in was really quite traditional and strait-laced, and the worst anyone ever got up to was a few pints too many on a Saturday night.

It used to be a lot lot easier to get recreational drugs before they were criminalised. Possession of speed wasn't criminalised until 1964 so I don't think you can argue that access is easier now. Speed was a huge part of the very much working-class mod and Northern Soul scenes.

It has definitely gotten much easier to get cocaine and skunk over the last 15-20 years. Younger millennials/Gen Z have embraced the nose beers in a big way partly as it’s cheaper than drinking outside of the house.

No, but interestingly, a 50-year old in '70 was born in '20. Someone born in that era, the roaring '20s likely experienced the poverty etc of the "dirty 30s" and was raised by parents touched by the Great War. Boomer kids were also raised by a war generation.

Both mine were boomers. Not sure if I had typical boomer parenting experience but they were neglectful to say the least. I got zero attention from them (no exaggeration) I cant remember them ever playing with me, reading to me putting me to bed. I was not taught or taken swimming/riding a bike etc. No parks or walks or anything I was scared of everything as a child as had never been shown anything until primary school. Never taught any basic skills. Zero emotional support or affection. I was basically mute through primary as I had had zero interaction with other children before and no clue how to play or socialise with peers. They didnt allow me to get medical attention for my mental problems as said I was just attention seeking etc even though teachers etc told them their Concerto etc. I cried myself to sleep most of my childhood going into my teens. No support through puberty in regards to periods etc they just couldnt be bothered. My dad was always drinking watching TV and my mum on the phone gossiping with friends. I got given a gameboy and was expected to be on that and quiet. They also never made attempt at feeding me healthily (chicken paste rolls and overly salty porridge was my diet haha) I have a lot of mental health problems. Got a lot of therapy through my 20s and various medications. I have very poor relationship with my parents now and they are clueless and think they were brilliant and I am just ungrateful and take no fault in anything.

I am very hardy and resilient and independent and self sufficient. But it is because I had to be from a young age as I had no one to rely on. I am not sure if this is typical style of boomer parenting or not tbh or if mine were just lazy.

Yep, shouting makes me think I’m going to be physically assaulted as well, I’m yet to meet a nice or well balanced person who thinks its kind to physically assault someone.

Oh, god, I'm sorry you had a childhood like that.
Your parents were neglectful. That is not Boomer parenting. It actually sounds like mistreatment.
Luckily, you have risen above that in spite of them.
I do wonder how they were raised and what their damage is, though. It might explain why they treated you so badly.