Did boomers get it right?

[GreyGoosehound]

I’ve lurked on several recent posts about deteriorating behaviour in schools, with increasing violence and 4 and 5 year olds who don’t have basic skills.

I’ve also seen threads and SM posts about boomers, mainly negative. But it’s also acknowledged that GenX are quite a hardy, resilient bunch.

I am generation X, and have brought up my genZ children differently to how I was raised. I was more present in their lives, made huge efforts to meet their needs in a way that my parents didn’t, as did many other parents in my age group.

You don’t need to look hard to find criticism of Millenials and GenZ, and GenAlpha (2012+) are commonly discussed as nightmare fodder.

Did the benign neglect and distanced parenting of boomers work better for growing children? Did the freedom that GenX had make a huge difference in their development?

I know there are global issues that contribute - the internet must have made a huge difference to both parenting and in child development, financially GenX had an easier time of becoming independent from parents, all this will have an effect.

I wonder if this is just a blip in human development, or how genZ and future generations will parent their children in response to how they were parented.
Thought this would make an interesting discussion.

My Mum didn’t have a washing machine until I bought her one when I started work in the 1990s. Similarly no microwave. We had a cooker and a fridge. My dad would never have put his hand in his pocket to pay for anything that would have made her life easier.

I honestly think that in those days people thought that just continuing as normal was the right thing to do. They were aware of our problems and worried about them, but they saw what we call now "mental health issues" as things beyond their control.

We didn't get a microwave until the 90s either, but there were plenty of easy foods. My DM just opened cans and cooked in the saucepan. It really wasn't drudgery in the way it was in the 50s and 60s.

We only got a shower in the 90s too, but from other threads I gather that most MNers had them in the 80s.

Before the washing machine, I presume you went to the laundrette though? It's a hassle, but it's not the same as having to hand wash everything.

@Gwenhwyfar we'll have to agree to disagree. I'm very biased as a bullied, sexually assaulted (more than once), abused child that no one gave a shit about enough to even ask if I was ok.

I'm on your side. And aren't Boomers the main generation with estranged kids and they just 'have no idea why'?

No, she literally did all the washing by hand. Our nearest launderette was miles away. I remember her boiling whites in a bucket on the stove. Tbf, we hardly had any clothes compared to these days, and I doubt she’d wash things that had been worn for a few hours like we do now. I remember taking my little brother round to my friend’s house and they had a microwave. He thought it was a TV and came home and said “She’s dead posh! They’ve got a telly in the kitchen!” 😂

Not from the number of posts on here from people with teens accusing them of toxicity.

Fair enough. Though how will that play out in the longer term. Mine are in their 20s and tell me I got it right, they've always felt supported and have great memories of their childhood. Wish I could say the same.

I suppose individual experiences (as mine was too) may not be representative though. Something currently obviously isn't working for society as a whole - you just have to look at teacher's experiences of violence and abuse in the classroom, the epidemic of poor mental health among young people.

Not from the number of posts on here from people with teens accusing them of toxicity.

It depends whether there is any truth to those claims. Intergenerational trauma is a thing.

I'm not on the autistic spectrum, but it certainly suited me. Fortunately I went to very traditional schools in the 1960s and 1970s which didn't go in for setting group projects. That style of teaching may perhaps be better preparation for the world of work, but there's a balance to be struck, as one does need a good foundation of knowledge and skills.

I'm a boomer and my Mum stayed home and looked after me and my sister's. She gave us scrambled eggs every day for breakfast with toast. My Gran kept chickens so sent us free eggs. Mum cooked lunch every day and I came home from school to eat a cooked lunch every day, a stew, roast chicken roast potatoes and 2 vegetables, shepherd's pie and vegetables, fish pie and vegetables, steak and kidney pie, sausages and mash with baked beans. For tea we had beans on toast, hot dogs, jacket potato with cheese, omelette, cheese on toast etc. Mum spent all day cleaning and baking. She baked at least twice a week, cakes on Tuesday and often Fridays too and pastry Wednesdays. She made desserts too like rice pudding, bread and butter pudding, apple/rhubarb pies and crumbles. Not only did she love feeding us she baked lots of cakes for school Fayers, fetes, Brownies, for our school friends too. She was never too busy to play with us too like turning the handle of a skipping rope, play board games or take us to the park. I think parents today mostly both work and they are short of time to do the nurturing role, so they give material things like tablets and gaming computers to amuse their DC whilst they are home they have to cook and clean and font have as much time for playing with their DC. I think that's why they sometimes don't notice a problem with their DC until it's quite bad. They just have so little time to try to squash everything in and certain jobs like laundry have to get done. I had the most wonderful childhood. My parents were not rich but they could manage on one wage and Mum wanted to be a SAHM. I watch my own DD who works 4 days a week with long hours, rush around exhausted and tired a lot of the time.

My DM (boomer) would have said the same in her 20s. It took her till her 40s to start rebelling and telling my dgm what she thought of her childhood. Dgm swears she did the best she could and was a wonderful GM.

And the whole group work thing disfavours introverts.

Well we can't write off a whole generation as bastards. There are good people in each generation, just like there are in every country in the world. Differences in 'culture' don't always mean people didn't care. They just had a different way of dealing with things. Obviously in your case you were abused even by the standards of your own time.

There was a thread a while ago about parental neglect and quite a lot of the 80s 'neglect' was perfectly normal for the time. That's the kind of thing talking about.

My mother won't even entertain hearing it. Oh well.

They just had a different way of dealing with things.

Yeah , by not dealing with them. From the basic neglect that lots of you don't think was a big deal , to allowing their kids be abused in schools (by peers and teachers), to abusing them at home, to even worse.

Those were the days eh?

Funnily enough, gen x , or my generation (millennial or as people like to call snowflakes) aren't exactly well adjusted, functioning, mentally and emotionally healthy generations. But of we were raised all so resilient. Which brings me back to my previous point. What the majority of people see as resilience is maladaptive coping mechanisms, which are even better if we can't see. Then we can all pretend everything is fiiine... I wonder who we learned that from?

@ForestBather my mother still refers to me as a wild teen with no understanding or acknowledgment of WHY I was like that. She even complained MY teen years were traumatic for her. I asked her once if she can even imagine how it was for me (the trauma), and she said no because she has never been through that. Literally that limited. It didn't happen to her so no empathy or sympathy. Of course, the fact that it never happened to her, it's also because she's a better quality of person.

Well we can't write off a whole generation as bastards.

Agreed. I'm very sorry for the experiences some posters have shared on this thread. I'm afraid, though, that children in every generation have experienced neglect and abuse of all kinds. There will be children growing up now who will have similar stories to tell in 20 years from now. That doesn't mean all parents of the same age are useless and abusive.

What could they realistically have done about your being bullied. If they'd gone into school you'd have been known forever as the girl whose parents came to school to talk about her being bullied. Schools didn't take bullying seriously in those days unless there was sustained violence.

Definitely. I had school friends who self harmed with compasses and one who was anorexic.

I'm Gen X raised by boomers as are all my old school friends.

When was parents ' income never a factor? I'm from the time before fees, but parents income determined whether and how much grant you got. Still, parents didn't usually come to open days or interfere

As a student in France in the mid 90s I remember a French student being shocked that an English friend 'had been sent to work part time at 13'.

• The Greatest Generation – born 1901-1927. ...
• The Silent Generation – born 1928-1945. ...
• The Baby Boomer Generation – born 1946-1964. ...
• Generation X – born 1965-1980. ...
• Millennials – born 1981-1996. ...
• Generation Z – born 1996-2012. ...
• Gen Alpha – born 2013 – 2025.

This is how it seems to be split.