Will parenting two kids ever get easier?

[coffeeatsunrise]

I have a 6 year old and a 9 week old. Up until now, things have gone okay but suddenly everything feels harder. I shouldn't really complain because my oldest goes to school 5 but I'm finding it hard. I think my oldest is watching too much tv, I can't do anything except breastfeed & i can't see when this cycle will end.

I'm wondering if anyone who parented a similar age gap can offer some wisdom about when it will get better/easier or offer me any strategies for coping?

It may be that the early newborn haze is lifting and I'm simply living the reality of two children.

It's hard and I really wish people would stop saying that the second baby "just fits in" because many don't especially when breastfed. The TV thing is pretty normal unless there is someone else to do things with the older sibling.

I think it gets better when the baby can sit up and play with things. I remember sitting my younger one in a high chair at the table with toys and doing something with my older child. If the weather was nice I'd try taking both out for a walk. There's only so much you can do with a newborn so cut yourself some slack.

9 weeks old is still pretty young - I’d get a sling and then you can be hands free with the older one and it makes life a whole lot easier!

Agree with PP - I despise the "Second just slots in" rubbish!

Sorry, pressed post too soon.

We have 2 years between ours. Things were quite hellish that first year adjusting to the new dynamic. Colicky baby + terrible 2s 😵‍💫.

But - even though I feel I spend most days breaking up the bickers, they are great friends and life if far easier than those very early years.

Once youngest was 1 things started to ease up I found.

Similar age gap
Doesn't get any easier I'm afraid

Smaller age gap (just over 3 years). I’ve found it’s got easier as the baby has got older. We are currently in a relatively golden phase - babies naps and breastfeeds are predictable, he can sit up and is very interested in what pre schooler is up to. Baby however can’t yet move. I wouldn’t say it’s easy but it’s certainly wayyyyy more manageable than the very early days. I feel it might go down hill again at the point of baby moving though 😬

I have a similar age gap and youngest is now almost 1.5 and its so much easier.
In the early days baby lived in a sling and oldest watched alot of tv. It was tough. But as soon as she was sitting up things started to ease.
They now play together, we can all go to the park together, il play football with him whilst shes happily running around. Theyl do drawing together for a little while so i can do the washing up etc.
I also tried to once a month have a few hours with my eldest just one on one time which was nice, but i breastfed like you so had to wait until baby was old enough to cope for a short time.
Hang in there, it is a bit of a shock to begin with. Youl find a good routine in time

Similar age gap here. I FFed so had it easier in that respect, but things are really good now baby is 7 months and more interactive- he loves to sit up and watch his big sister and she loves making him laugh

Ime you'll get a lovely honeymoon period until they're teenagers, then you won't know what hit you.

My 6 yr old thought it was fantastic, bed time routines were abandoned, food was often unhealthy frozen rubbish, he was allowed play outside with his friends unsupervised and he watched as much TV as he wished. I felt terrible guilt but just couldn't do more for him as I had newborn twins and DH was gone about 10 hours a day. Unfortunately they arrived during the summer holidays so basically he was abandoned and went feral for a while. Good advice someone one told me is go without guilt to whoever needs you most now. And that's what had to happen for a few months. Its incredibly difficult, I remember wishing he would shut up talking cos I was so sleep deprived I just couldn't listen. But the good thing is he hardly noticed, he was not a clingy child so at least we had that.

Yes ...... when you have a 3rd you realise 2 was easier 🤣

6 years is a big difference. It will be really hard because they will never be in the same place at once.

I have 19 months between mine 6 and 4 and it is definitely easier now. They play and entertain themselves.

Six years between mine.

The other day I walked in to son's room and my older son was allowing younger son to lie on him and was stroking his arm while they watched tv. I thought they were just sitting together. Never expected the display of sibling affection before me. The younger one looked so happy, closest thing to someone looking like they are being fed grapes and fanned. Normally one of them is crying and they argue a lot but this was something else. I stood there in shock tbh. 10 and 4 year old. They seem to go through phases of getting along and then clashing.

10 year old is very good natured and the youngest very demanding and domineering. He's quite often heavy handed and has broken a few of our 10 year olds toys by accident.

You adjust and so do the children but it's never easy mode. It's a bit of a juggle. I don't have any help with them other than DH, so maybe it feels harder than it should be? Do they slot in? I'm not sure.

Following as have 6 yo and 5 mo!

Btw defo got easier around the 4 month mark

Not in anyway at all? Ohhhh this does not bode well.

The sling is an absolute lifesaver a lot of the time. Thank you for pointing out that 9 weeks is still young. Because I have an older child, I think my perspective is a bit off about how together everything should be/feel.

Yes, of course it will be easier when your youngest is older. A newborn is incredibly hard work.

When your first child was a newborn, weren't they more work than they are now, at 6 years old? The first year is very intense, I think you've just 'forgotten' this in some part of your brain since your oldest had already moved on from the baby/toddler stage.

It's just starting to get easier for me. Age 6 and 2

Absolutely. This baby has definitely not simply 'slotted' into our family. I mean, I can't imagine life without her now but she 100% crashlanded into our world and reshaped it. There is no way a newborn slots into life with a really independent 6 year old. I can't quite believe I surrendered that life sometimes. And I miss my firstborn.

Life with two at the table sounds fun. And a nice way to be with both children. Thank you for that future image. And yes, walks with both kids (one in sling & one on foot) are a part of most days.

Same age gap and yes absolutely it gets easier!!! Mine are 17 and 23 now and they are very close and always have been. You are tired now and it is a huge change for your elder dc, give yourselves time to adjust. TV is fine, ready meals are fine. Do what you can.

Oh noooo don't remind me. Mobile baby. 😭 And everything will be a hazard. And no one will be able to sit down for more than 30 seconds without chasing the toddler.

Thank you for this optimistic view of things. It sounds like you coped brilliantly and are in a good place now your second is 1.5. I look forward to seeing mine play together.

That sounds wonderful. <3

I think it gets easier when they are both at school 😂