Will parenting two kids ever get easier?

[coffeeatsunrise]

I have a 6 year old and a 9 week old. Up until now, things have gone okay but suddenly everything feels harder. I shouldn't really complain because my oldest goes to school 5 but I'm finding it hard. I think my oldest is watching too much tv, I can't do anything except breastfeed & i can't see when this cycle will end.

I'm wondering if anyone who parented a similar age gap can offer some wisdom about when it will get better/easier or offer me any strategies for coping?

It may be that the early newborn haze is lifting and I'm simply living the reality of two children.

😂 Just another 4 years 10 months to go then.

Oh wow you made it to nearly adulthood with both of yours. My sincerest respect, oh wise one. Thank you for the support/kind words. I hope my children will have a good relationship like yours do.

I'm glad you're finally finding things easier.

Yes, it's just that babies and toddlers are hard work. Not having 2 children. When your youngest is 3, potty trained, sleeps properly, eats normal food, doesn't need daytime naps, etc., your life will be much more relaxed. You've done this before, you can do it again 💪

I wouldn't go back and do the first three years of parenting again if you paid me - and that's why there are only 2 years between mine, because I knew I wanted 2 kids and I knew I couldn't bear to leave that period of my life and then go back to it!

At 9 weeks you must still be recovering from the pregnancy and birth. It's exhausting at that stage, especially if you're breastfeeding I'm sure.

Absolutely. I think I forgot just how intense it is with a newborn. It is so much harder to juggle the needs of both. More than anything it's hard to adjust our existing routine to fit with the baby.

That is so lovely to read. Such lovely sibling affection.

You are right in the thick of it atm 💐

I can't give advise from age gap POV as there is 2 years between mine. But things still sound similar. Too much TV? So what, if it keeps the peace for a while then that's fine. Once you find your feet then go out and do more activities for the eldest. I honestly felt like I had abandoned my daughter when her brother was born, it's very baby focused for the first few months. But it won't be like this forever.

It gets better. Promise.

😂 I take it you had the third.
I'm only a recent convert from one and done to being a two child family. I don't think I can go through this againnnn.

You are AMAZING.
And I will take that advice. Go to whoever needs you most guiltlessly. Love it.

5 years between mine. It does get easier of course from about 2 onwards I think, my youngest is 3 and it's so much easier now. I felt so guilty I couldn't give my eldest the same amount of attention when the younger one was born but of course she doesn't remember a thing anyway! They love each other to bits and wouldn't be without each other. Also hate each other sometimes. Go easy on yourself I'm sure this weather makes everything feel harder in my opinion!

8 years between mine. One is now in their late teens. They're like chalk and cheese, so don't really get on much except the odd game they both enjoy, but life gets infinitely easier when both have at least some autonomy.

I raised both to be fairly independent, which, in itself, was a godsend, because it means I can ask them to do little jobs like help with shopping, help with hoovering etc. and they will.

The biggest challenge with that age gap for me now is that so many activities cater to one age group or the other, but rarely both at the same time. So while one might love going to the theatre, the other can't because they're too young. While one might enjoy the zoo, the other one thinks it's boring. They can't go on the same rides in theme parks, can't do the same sporting activity (because different age groups are on at different times) etc. So finding something both enjoy is hard.

But parenting itself? Yes, that gets easier (in a way that they're far less dependent - there are many different challenges now with older ones).

You have to lower your expectations for a little while. You are choosing to breastfeed so that does mean you have your full as only you can do it. You are only 9 weeks in and have a fairly big age gap so yes sleepless nights will be a shock to the system. You just need to be kind to yourself. What I would suggest is that your dp I'd you have one take over doing other things for the baby in the evening so you and your eldest can do bedtime and reading a story. You've been used to being a parent of 1 for 6 years, it does take time to adjust to two.

My second child did slot in but my eldest was only 15 months when he was born and I was having sleepless nights anyway and still changing nappies so just cracked on. I also chose not to breastfeed as I knew I would struggle if baby was clusterfeeding as there was noone to watch her. That was something I decided for myself though and loads of women do cope but I knew I wouldn't.

Yes it gets easier. Cut yourself a break at 9 weeks they do feed loads but they get more efficient at it and you will be able to do more with your oldest then.

I think the second child just slotting in is generally rolled out in relation to siblings with smaller age gaps where you are still in the baby/toddler years with the first so you don't have to adapt in the same way as when you have an older child and then have to go back to the baby phase.

I can only echo what everyone else has said. The newborn phase is hard, the toddler phase is hard but at that point your eldest will be able to be more involved. I've found kids get easier as they get older, but it is probably very child and family dependent. Mine are 3, 4 and 6 and it is definitely easier than this point 2 or 3 years ago!