Sad about female relative.

[Brandnewskytohangyourstarsupon]

She is in a 1930’s relationship and I am sad for her.

She is a fully grown adult, home owner, full time great job that she loves.
But she does “womens work”, he goes to work and does nothing apart from goes to the gym.

It makes be so sad for her, frustrated too.

I can see through experienced eyes, the burnout, the overwhelming feeling of resentment in later years.
What bothers me is that she doesn’t deserve this life.
There is nothing I can do or say as she is blind to it. Thinks it’s perfectly ok and normal.

No kids, no physical abuse, definitely coercive control from day one and neither of them see it as an issue because it’s the way they were raised and it’s what they have always done.
It’s just a shit life for her from the outside looking in.

Just reflecting on my mil who died (it’s her anniversary today) and this was her life, utter utter regret of sticking it out for the last 20 years of her marriage.
Sad today.

I don’t interfere, I don’t say anything. I listen, that’s all I can do.
I wish a better life for her that’s all.

She is definitely heading for burnout or some form of mh crisis trying to manage it all

But thats not your responsibility to fix is it? people dont take well to being told how to live so I am not sure what you actually feel your responsibility is here

What a strange post. Has she confided in you that she is unhappy or have you just assumed she must be?
I know a few people who absolutely love cleaning. They find it therapeutic and love to see the results of their hard work. Plus it's good exercise. A friend of my mums set up a home cleaning business because she enjoys it so much and is good at it. Might as well get paid for something you enjoy.
Best keep your nose out of other people's business and let them get on with it

What's 1930s got to do with it?
It suggested she was a home maker with no job outside the home.

You're really criticising the fact that she does all the household chores in addition to working full time.

Manage what? 2 people live in a house with no children how much is there to do?

You sound patronising

If she says she's miserable then fair enough but maybe she likes the way her life is? Some people actually enjoy housework and looking after people!

Ok thanks all for replies and alternative views.

She has a job

Dunno OP, I love a good cleaning session.

W

Did you miss the bit where it says she works full time?

Yes! I should put it on a billboard

She has a voice and can say no and she can leave.

Have you asked your relative if she's unhappy? How old is she? Does she want children?

You would hate to be in this type of relationship, as would many other women, but maybe she's happy?

Do you spend much time with her? If her lifestyle is bothering you why don't you arrange some time with her and find out if your concerns are valid?

It's not the sort of relationship I'd want but each to their own and she might be perfectly happy 🤷‍♂️

your mil had children
your relative doesn’t

did your mil also have a “full time job she loves”?
because your relative does

She is definitely heading for burnout or some form of mh crisis trying to manage it all.

manage what?! she’s a full time
professional with no children.

this is very weird!

Why is she hurtling towards a mental health crisis because she’s managing her home?!

Is this a misplaced sadness towards your MIL that you’re pushing onto someone who’s still alive? Has this woman said she’s unhappy? That’s been asked several times in the thread but I don’t see that it’s been clarified.

i suspect that there is something going on with the OP more than anything else

@TheNewDeer

just because you don't have children the house doesn't clean itself, the laundry doesn't do itself nor the bills pay themselves. Food does appear miraculously, nor does it cook itself

yes

but the OP thinks she will have mental burnout from it. From what? it’s an adult couple living together. 🤷

bills don’t pay themselves 😆

all mine from DD. Does sort of feel like they’re paying themselves!

As she's got a full time job and presumably a pension she will be in a good position to leave him if and when she gets fed up with him.

Does she actually do everything or do they have stereotypical 'man' jobs and 'woman' jobs in the home? So he would put the bins out, do the DIY, decorating, vehicle stuff and handle finances etc.
Because a 30's wife wouldn't have done the 'man's work'.

just because you don't have children the house doesn't clean itself, the laundry doesn't do itself nor the bills pay themselves. Food does appear miraculously, nor does it cook itself

A person would be doing all that if they lived by themselves anyway. So it's basically just normal, regular adult life. Why would anyone have some type of MH crisis because of that?