Why is my child being called fat by boys..

[Chocolate2020]

My child is in primary school and she hasn't had any issues with female students and is a very kind soul and I've brought her up well enough to know how to be kind, she's always going on about helping the homeless and those less fortunate . .

The last year she told me a student was calling her fat and just being rude, I ended up having a word with the mother and it stopped .

Another boy in her class has started calling her fat and annoying her he's also told her he hates her and wishes she wasn't In the school and he's said some other really unkind things about her when she was off sick .

I will be having a word with the teacher and possibly head teacher as I can't stand bully's.

The thing is , my daughter isn't even fat , she is a normal weight .
I honestly worry what some of these comments are doing as she has told me she thinks she's fat , I had to sit her down and tell her she is fine and she can eat what she wants (she was concerned about how much she was eating ) .

It makes me so sad ☹️

Because they've been raised wrong

My 7 year old was called fat by a boy last week and it really hurt her feelings. I was surprised by how upset she was because she's so skinny it's almost a concern. If he'd called her stupid I think she'd have laughed in his face...

Kids can be mean and words really hurt. If she's old enough you could talk to her about diet culture and eating disorders. I had the chat with my older dd when she was in Yr 6 and started saying she thought she was fat and I think she got a sense of how damaging the whole thing is.

I hope she's OK.

I had to explain to my son the other day that a bully's goal is to hurt their victims feelings, to cause pain. They don't believe what they're saying, it might not even make sense, the whole purpose is to cause you pain without touching you.

God love him, he thought he could set the bully straight and resolve the whole thing. He's being called a woman in school because he has pink stationary.

This is probably how girls get eating disorders. Little shits. Definitely tell the head asap.

The pink stationery jibe will be learned crap at home.

Never speak to parents, always go through the school.

Email the teacher to report this bullying - be sure to use the word - and ask them to tell you what they will do to stop it.

Be robust in telling your DD that the other child must have some problems to be behaving in this way and saying things that are untrue, but that is not her problem, he needs to stop and you will talk to the teacher.

I'd go straight to the teacher esp if she is not in fact over weight. But I work with kids & a significant proportion are significantly heavier than average. 9-10 year olds needing age 12-14 clothes or even small adult. Not due to height but width. The girls are rarely mean to other girls but boys comment

It's Negging surely?

She isn't fat but the little bastard knows that it's likely an easy target on a girl.

I think rather than raising girls ‘to be kind’ we should be raising girls to be discerning and not put up with shit.

That aside, yes it’s nasty bullying and you should work with the school to get to heart of it.

Maybe also work on raising her self esteem. Primary school kids should be reading, playing and discovering the world and having fun. Not worrying about homelessness.

It is bullying whatever the weight of the child.

Only badly brought up people comment on other people's weight or appearance, and schools have to step in to stop it.

I'm just asking because I'm completely out of touch with what's acceptable with kids these days ... can't she yell back that he's ugly or something? Or, better, that he's too stupid to think up a good insult!

"Your incorrect opinion is of no value"

"Don't be ridiculous, silly boy"

"No, I'm not. Get your eyes tested."

It is better to bring kids up to be able to deal with things in a respectful way, two wrongs don't make a right and all that.

But this means she still has to put up with it, it is better to stop bullying from happening.

Agreed in principle 🤣

Bullying with a side of patriarchy. These wee shits have absorbed that women, and therefore girls' self-worth is tied into their bodies, and how they are viewed by society. Awful.

@LightSwerve I totally agree.
But sadly I also deal with a lot of lovely parents who seem oblivious to the fact that a 9 year old of average height needing a small adult size outfit due to their girth is a warning that maybe they are over weight. Thin children don't get called fat. I work with 10 year olds who wear bigger size clothes than me but parents don't think it's an issue

Thin children DO get called fat actually.

Fact.

Clever children get called stupid.

Straight children get called gay. (HOW is that still an insult??)

Sporty children get called useless if they have a bad game, etc.

I don’t like your implication that the OP can’t see that her child is perhaps overweight. We have no idea whether she is or not.

Meant for @deeprealisation btw

As @LaviniasBigBloomers said, @deeprealisation, the reason they say it is because they know they can keep girls down by criticising their bodies.

They know that girls’ self-esteem is tied in to how they feel about their looks.
It’s getting worse, I think.

I accept all comments. I'm just sharing my own experience. I have never known a thin child be called fat. I've never known a top table / set 1 child be called thick. Children can be brutally honest and at primary ages don't think before they speak

@UnbelievablySelfish I have a 12 year old DS and worked in a huge primary. I work with 12 year old boys now. I don't think they have that level of thought about 'keeping girls in their place' now: definitely not when in primary. But they do speak their minds and are brutal

But what has that got to do with anything?

An overweight child should not be called fat and a child struggling with school work should not be called thick.

Both are disgustingly rude terms.

You seem to be blaming the victims rather.

@deeprealisation sadly some boys of that age have learned all too well how to keep girls (and some of their own sex) down.

It starts very young. If they are pernicious enough to make these comments they will in all likelihood know how to make sure staff are unaware.

Forgive me but it’s naive of you to think otherwise.

@Chocolate2020 I’m so sorry your daughter is going through this. My heart goes out to her.

Absolutely this. Raising girls to constantly "be kind" means that they can feel that their own justified emotions of anger and upset should be negated in order not to upset someone else. She also unfortunately needs to learn that in life she will encounter plenty of people who haven't been brought up with the "be kind" message and she needs to learn how to deal with those shits.