My Husband Doesn't Want To Have Children

[GoldenOstrich]

I'm 33 and I'm 5 years married. My husband doesn't want to have children and I do. He told me he did want to have children, and he was telling me that for years and he seems to have changed his mind now. I got my own house 2 years before I got married. It's a 1 bedroom flat, and my husband moved in with ma when we got married. Before we got married, we decided that we would save up and buy a new house. Two years after I got married, my mum said she would buy new furniture for my flat, and a few weeks after that, my mother in law sent my husband pictures of a house that was for sale and she asked us if we wanted a viewing of it, and I said to my husband "My mum said she is going to get new furniture for my flat so I'd say not right now" and then, he said that to his mum. It was a 2 bedroom terrace she was talking about, and he said that if we had that house, the spare room would be for our children. But we decided to leave getting a new house for later. He hasn't asked me again if I want to move and his mum hasn't offered us any other new houses since then, and neither has my mum. If anyone asks us if we're moving house or if we're staying put, my husband says we're staying put. I desperately want a baby. The last time my husband and I had sex was before Christmas (I've been on the contraceptive pill since a month before I got married) My ex boyfriend didn't want to have children, that was why I broke up with him. All my cousins who are around my age are mothers/fathers. I have a younger brother who is 32 and a younger sister who is nearly 31. I have a feeling my brother will announce he is going to be a dad soon because our cousin he grew up with has recently became a dad. I would be upset if my brother and/or sister had children and I didn't and I would also be upset if any of them had children before me, even if I do have children. Also, father in law said he would take me and my husband and his family on a holiday to Disney world in a few years, originally, it was going to be in 2021, then 2022, then 2023, and now he's saying he'll do it in a few years, so he keeps moving the date. If I broke up with my husband, I might never find someone else, or it might be too late for me to have children before I find someone else. What can I do?

Have I got it right, you really want a baby but if the chance of a Disney holiday paid for by someone else, came along, that's holding you back?

What a ridiculous post.
Everything there is just ridiculous
It genuinely makes me think are you mature and sensible enough for children?

But what has that got to do with your choice as to when to have children? You’re talking as though your FIL has some control over your reproductive choices. You can even say no to going on holiday!
And you can take furniture with you, when you move.

You seem to think that your parents/in laws/random family members have any say in your life decisions. They don’t.

The post all seems very immature with a lot of parental involvement which I wouldn't expect at you're age.

However, discuss with him exactly what he wants, there's no point guessing. Then decide if you want to go on without kids or not

What a load of nonsense. Why on earth would a holiday prevent you from having children, if it even ever happens? You either go pregnant, or go with a child, or don't go. None of those decisions matter until a) a holiday is actually planned and b) you're pregnant or have a child.

Your priorities seem to be all over the place, and I fathom out at all why your cousin having a baby means your brother will???

People with children are allowed to go on holiday.....

Do you actually want children because you want them, or do you want them because all
your cousins and siblings are having children and you have FOMO? The fact that a Disney holiday is part of your decision to have children kind of suggests that maybe you don’t really want them. People do take babies on holiday. They also travel pregnant. I went on a 2 week holiday when I was 12 weeks pregnant, which was a family holiday my dad paid for, and completely wasted the all inclusive drinks package. My sister went too, with her 6 month old. The holiday my father generously offered to pay for, was not really a factor in my decision to stop trying to fall pregnant. And if I had of gotten pregnant earlier and been too pregnant to travel, well I just wouldn’t have gone.

OK forget about the holiday and house. You say husband seems to have changed his mind about kids. What does that mean? Your post says he doesn't want to have them, has he actually said so?

Please, don’t have children. You’re not mature enough for what it takes. Maybe your husband has realised of this over the years, that’s why he changed his mind.

Holidays, furniture and houses have nothing to do with the topic of wanting children.

You want them, he doesn’t. You need to go your separate ways as either you’ll have an child and he’ll resent you and the child or you won’t have them and you’ll be miserable and full of regret and resent him.

None of this makes any sense. Stop letting other people decide your life for you and start making your own decisions and communicating with your husband.

You're making a holiday more important than your child. I feel like you don't want one either.

Missing the point to an extent, why did you say no to the house when you want children? How would that work in a one bed flat?

Maybe your dh interpreted that as a sign that you don't want children.

Anyway, that and Disney holidays aside, if he's changed his mind, even if you could persuade him to agree to a baby, I'm not sure how on board he'd be.

Seems he's voting with his feet with the lack of sex which must be very hurtful OP.

Overall, sadly OP, I think you'll need to leave him.

I love my husband very much, and he keeps telling he loves me, he also tells me I'm gorgeous and I'm sexy. Never getting married wouldn't have bothered me but never having children would. He kept on talking about having a baby for a while after I refused my offer for a new house. One of the times when we had sex after that, he said "when we do that in future, we'll have a healthy baby" and I got excited and acted as if I was excited. I also talked about things we could do if we got a new house after that. One time when we were at a family party, I said to him that if we get a new house, we could have a house warming party, and he said that was a good idea. Whenever anyone who's younger than me or the same age as me has a baby or expecting, it makes me feel sad. I would be even more sad if it was my younger brother/sister, and I would never want to meet their children or see any pictures of them, I wouldn't even be able to congratulate them.

Has he actually said he doesn’t want a baby?

Op, You seem
Very juvenile in all your posts. I can't really understand why a holiday comes into the equation and why you wouldn't want to meet your siblings children.

Why can’t you take your baby to Disney? Why is Disney factoring into to such a big life decision?

Just tell him if you don’t start trying then you’re getting a divorce. Give him a month to think about it.

You haven’t actually said that your husband has stated he no longer wants children. Have you actually told him you want to start trying to conceive and he has declined?

This.

You have decided your husband doesn’t want children, and somehow Disney has got tangled up in the process?

Has your husband actually said, with his words, that he no longer wants children? I have no idea what your parents, siblings, Disney, houses or furniture have to do with anything. Have you actually sat and talked to your husband about this?

This. I broke up with two lovely partners before I met DH because they wanted children and I didn’t.

That was 22 years ago, and that time has flown. If you know this is a deal breaker, don’t wait.

You can have kids and go on holiday. Have you asked him if he wants a baby?

Why on earth are you going on about bloody Disney World? Your marriage needs to be over and you don't have time to waste.

I would also be upset if any of them had children before me, even if I do have children.

This is ridiculous.

I would be even more sad if it was my younger brother/sister, and I would never want to meet their children or see any pictures of them, I wouldn't even be able to congratulate them.

This is just disturbing. If you genuinely feel this way, you need professional help. This is a shockingly unhealthy, destructive mindset.

Im really confused by your posts. Surely if you want a child you'd want to take them on holiday? And not congratulating your siblings on a future pregnancy is just petty. If you have a child, that's it, they're your priority and you need to be responsible for housing them, buying furniture and funding any trips to Disneyland. You also need to find a partner who actually wants them.

I don't know how to say this kindly so I'll just say it. Your posts are really odd-sounding. And I can't work out if you're very young (you said you weren't), if you have learning disabilities, if English isn't your first language and your culture is very different from mine, or this is AI generated. But no person I've ever met would put off children for a probably never going to happen holiday to Disney.