DD is in year 7. She’s generally happy in school, happy at home, very good grades, no behavioural issues have been raised previously. I have had some minor concerns about neurodiversity - she struggles with loud noises and can get excessively upset when rules aren’t followed - but not to an unmanageable degree, plus she is 12 and learning about herself and her boundaries. She has a small but strong friendship group and a reputation as someone who stands up for herself and her friends.
So I was surprised to be called for a meeting with the school family support worker last week. Apparently concerns have been raised that she is “anxious” in lessons and has a difficult friendship with someone “through no fault of hers.”
The meeting was not a pleasant experience. Apparently concerns have been raised by several teachers but it wasn’t at all clear what they were. She has been scratched by her brother (months ago and it was made very clear to him this was unacceptable). She wears extra sleeves on her arms which could cover up self harm. They don’t, she wears them because her jumper is itchy but there are no marks on her arms at all.
Otherwise it was all about me. I have a disability, which “must be hard.” Not really, I have had it for life and it’s well managed. Apparently her dad lives in a caravan and has an MH condition? Both true. He also has a very good job, is very supportive even though we are separated, contributes more than enough financially. She asked about my medical condition, my financial situation, my job, relationship with my parents and friends and gave me a massive form to fill in.
I had to keep repeating that none of these were unusual or an issue and I wanted to understand the concerns the school had about DD. Turns out the support worker never met her, and all she could tell me was that DD was sometimes anxious in class, her brother had scratched her and about her sleeves.
I left feeling that it would have gone very differently had DD’s behaviour been the same but she had two able bodied parents who lived together. I requested a meeting with her tutor to see if I can get to the bottom of what is going on at school. I have spoken to DD who says they are over reacting and she’s happy there (with the usual preteen friendship spats!). But is this normal? Am I missing something? Or am I just being judged for being a disabled single parent?