What's life like after the kids have left the nest?

[Louxo94]

Good morning. This is a bit of a random post.

I was having a little think to myself about what life would be like after the kids have flown the nest.

I was a teenage mom—not ideal, I know. Our son is 12 this year, and my daughter will be 8. They're still young, but it's going by so quickly.
It's got me thinking. I'm turning 30 this year. Would I like to have one more baby or not? I feel like I'm not ready for this chapter to end, but at the same time, it's a massive age gap; it would be like starting all over again. If I did start again, I will be 50 when they are adults. Yet my son will be 22 when I'm 40, and my daughter 18. I will still be young—not 20 years young, but you know.

I've raised children all my younger years. I never got to have that freedom like most people did at 18 and onward. I never got to travel and do things. Mind you, we lived in Spain for a year, but that's not really the same.

Clubbing was never my cup of tea, so that didn't matter to me. But I can't help but have a little panic about what I'm going to do once they are grown. Is life going to be boring or is it going to be amazing? I know this sounds silly. I could have worded it a bit better, but I'm not the one with the words.
I feel like being a mum is all that I know. I wouldn't know what to do with myself.

I would love to know what it's like afterward. Do you feel lost or free in a way?

I just read this back to myself. I should have done that before. 🤦🏻‍♀️ It's a bit all over the place, My apologies. I'm confused about whether or not to have more children and wondering what life is like after having children*

I don’t have advice, but I’m in a similar situation and I think about it a lot, especially with the old biological clock ticking away. I’m 36, my DC is 14 and I’m torn whether to just focus on myself and do all the things I wanted to, or whether I start over and have another one ‘the right way’. I feel like I’ll have regrets either way to be honest. It’s tricky!

Perhaps the difference is that many people are having children later and so are established in careers that they can pick up when the children are older.

Are you interested in training for a career? Or would you be in a few years when the children are more independent?

I would love to find out, 2 adult Sons, aged 28 and 31 still at home. Most of my friends who have Sons are still at home, whilst friends with daughters, they have moved out long ago, married with children of their own.

I would make the most of your free time before grand kids possibly arrive!

I'm 50 and my youngest is about to leave home. I have just left my job of 15 years and have retrained as in something completely different. It means I will be self employed for the first time and I'm really excited to see what happens next!

I’ve been thinking about this because I’ll be 43 when my youngest turns 18 (in 2 years, eek!) and I don’t feel I’ve ever been a proper adult without kids. DD1 was born not long after I finished uni and I suspect that getting used to life without kids at home will be as much of an upheaval as having a baby! Even if they stay at home it will be different once they’re adults.

I don’t think I’d want more children now because I’d be almost retired by the time they were independent and I don’t like that idea. I think it’s different if you’re childfree for a couple of decades before having children. Sometimes I have doubts though because I think back to when the DC were little and how nice it was having days out and reading stories and all the rest of it.

So basically I don’t know what to do either!

I'm in a similar situation as you OP. My eldest is 15(16 in September). I had her when I was 17. I never had a social life after having her. Never travelled, went clubbing etc etc. But I was happy with that as I watched her grow up. Then along came my 2nd daughter, who is 9(10 in August). I was working when my eldest was at school and when my 2nd daughter came I had time off but when back when she was 6 months old. I worked and worked. All through covid, then boom, I fell pregs again with my son, who is now 2 years old. Went back to work for a year, then boom again, I fell preg unexpectedly with my 3rd daughter, who is now 4 months old. I'm only 33. I wouldn't change my life for the world.

I do, however, wonder what it would be like when my children leave home etc etc. By the time I'm 40, my eldest will be 22, the 2nd daughter will be 16, my son will be 9, and my youngest daughter will be 7.

I'm.not having anymore children now. I'm DONEEEEEE lol.

I'm at the other end of a similar situation but not quite the same. Had DD at 18 and then when she was 18 had DS1 then DS2 a couple of years later. Boys are now 16 and 18, I'm mid fifties and ready for some time for just me and DH. I do feel like I have been through it all twice over. Hopefully I will stay fit and well and able to enjoy it but given a choice I would not have chosen such a big gap.

I can only tell you what it's like for me but my husband and I love it!

Our house is always clean and tidy, the fridge has what we expect in it and we can always find our phone chargers where we left them.

We can (and do) have sex whenever we want and we can go out or go away at the drop of a hat. We don't have to give anyone lifts or cook at all if we don't feel like it.

I dearly love my adult children and I'm delighted when they come to stay, which is reasonably often, but I'm also glad to see them go again and get our space back to ourselves.

We're in our fifties so still young enough to mostly have energy and I am glad we stopped at 2 children. In terms of what we do, we're both still working FT which isn't ideal but if we weren't my days would be filled with art galleries, travelling, even in the UK, reading, seeing friends, maybe some studying or doing a course for fun. There is so much to do, so many possibilities! I definitely wouldn't be bored if I wasn't working!

You've probably never ever had time to think about what you would like if you were a teenage mum - or maybe you have? - but the whole world is out there and you'll only be 40 so will have plenty of life and youth and energy left to enjoy it.

What I would also say is that just because they're adults, it doesn't mean they don't need you. Mine still do, a lot more than I ever thought they would. They call me a lot, which I love but it's not like they've disappeared never to be heard from again and you don't stop being a parent just because they're adults.

It’s great.
The time spent on laundry, cleaning & cooking is a quarter, at least,of what it was. Shopping less of a marathon. Actually got free time to do the things I love. Bought a motorhome so spend time travelling with the dogs, my garden is looking better, I love gardening & now have time ( they never were any help there 🙄).
They’re settled with families, happy.
Honestly it’s like being a teenager again but without your parents telling you not to stay out late…..freedom in a word 😀

Best thing ever

Do you mind me asking why they are still at home.?

Have you thought much more about it ?

what was the age gap and what would you have preferred?

What age were you are your partner when your youngest left? Are they at uni?

What age were you when they left?

Completely depends on what your marriage is like. Had i stayed with my ex h I would've dreaded the kids going, but I'm lucky enough to have found love second time around and love it just the two of us. We're in our 50's now and started travelling a fair bit.

What age were you when they left ?

great to hear the different stories. I used to look forward to mine flying the best when I was with my ex dp but not so much now I am single. I worry that the house will be too quiet and I will be lonely.

I'll only be 44 when my youngest is 18, not going to lie, I can't wait!
The thought of being able to get up on a weekend and go anywhere I want or spend the day on the sofa in my pjs if I like fills me with joy😊
My kids are currently 14 & 17 so are not hard work at all but the mental load at the moment seems to be huge.
Between my youngest being unhappy at school and my oldest having some issues at college, the friendship drama, health issues, constant communication from the hobbies they do and just generally trying to keep everyone happy on a daily basis I am exhausted.
I absolutely would not want a baby at this point, I am so close to some freedom before I am to old to enjoy it!

@Kiki1703 we are in our early fifties. The youngest is at uni.

My youngest was18 last week and will go to uni this year. Her sister went last year.

I am 51. I had the last ever parents evening just before the hols and it was a liberating moment 😁 I booked a coach ticket to London and 2 exhibitions that I wanted to see and went 2 days later. On my own. It was bliss.

Like a pp said, it feels like I'm young again and can do what I want.

I work full time in a fulfilling job so that keeps me busy but, although I'll definitely be upset and it'll be really odd for a while when they both go off in September, it's a new stage of life that I really hope I'm going to enjoy!

I'm in my late 50's and still have teenage 'children' at home. I really am ready for an empty nest. I'm so tired of holding it all together for teenagers who don't seem to know what a hard days work is, let alone do any.

My youngest turned down a job offer because he couldn't be bothered for the hourly rate. A luxury I don't have. I'm so cross but trying to be supportive as he says it wasn't a good fit for him.

So yes, I'm looking forward to them leaving and being independent. I hope it will be boring as I've had enough drama to last a lifetime .I'm going to then semi retire and travel.

I would stick with what you have got @Louxo94