Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Fed up with people's comments about second baby

34 replies

LucyOriellsHat · 22/03/2024 10:47

Am 21 weeks pregnant with baby #2 after 6 years and multiple miscarriages. Already have a DS. This one is a boy as well. I had no preference whatsoever and nor did DH but since we've found out, when people have asked and we've told them what we're having I have had so much "oh no, were you disappointed?" or "oh two boys, that will be madness" or "will you try for a third to see if you can get a girl?" or people saying I must be so sad that I will never have a daughter etc etc, that my house will be full of football and gaming. Already had that stupid "a daughter is a daughter for life, a son is yours until he finds a wife" comment.

It's pissing me right off. Why are people so down on boys?! I grew up with four sisters and I can tell you for nothing our house was every bit as nuts as anyone else I knew who had brothers - my sisters and I used to beat the crap out of each other, be noisy, be boisterous and all the other things that people are assuming "boys" are like. Whereas my DS is the least boisterous child I've ever met in my life - quiet and gentle, sits and reads, has no interest in gaming or football, loves crafts and drawing, not a physical child at all. Why are these stereotypes still so persistent and why do people assume I will be devastated not to have a daughter?!

OP posts:
DryIce · 22/03/2024 10:51

People just like to have an opinion! I get it, I also have two boys and have had lots of similar comments. And I also have sisters and know it's nonsense!

Ignore them! Congratulations on your much wanted baby, and lovely brother for your son!

Lifesd · 22/03/2024 10:53

It’s exactly the same with girls, I have 2 and had lots of “oh your poor husband” “house full
of women” etc ignore it.

frozendaisy · 22/03/2024 10:54

So what do you reply?

When they say "you must be so sad" don't you just say "why would I be sad" and just get on with your day?

People can say think what they like, it's up to you how you let it affect you.

(We have only boys, we didn't find out the gender before birth because it really didn't matter, and no one has said any of the are you disappointed he wasn't a girl, because he was still beautiful)

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

2nd trimester Families General pregnancy
TheBeesKnee · 22/03/2024 10:55

I think people just say things without thinking. Don't give it any more head space, I can guarantee you that they're not sitting at home fretting about you not having a daughter 🤣

CheshireCat1 · 22/03/2024 11:03

I have three sons and used to get this all the time, we had a great time with them growing up. They’re adults now and the best of friends, always there for each other. I now also have three beautiful daughter in laws, they are fab and I’d do anything for them and my gorgeous sons.
Just ignore the comments and congratulations, you must be overjoyed.

NoMoreEventsToday · 22/03/2024 11:06

I have 2 sons, and dh

When we get a new pet, we get male ones "so we can balance it out a bit" (ie even all those males in the house are not equal to the one female (all in good humour and jest)

(Edit we'd do it the other way if we just had girls)

Original poster
LucyOriellsHat · 22/03/2024 11:08

frozendaisy · 22/03/2024 10:54

So what do you reply?

When they say "you must be so sad" don't you just say "why would I be sad" and just get on with your day?

People can say think what they like, it's up to you how you let it affect you.

(We have only boys, we didn't find out the gender before birth because it really didn't matter, and no one has said any of the are you disappointed he wasn't a girl, because he was still beautiful)

I usually do say "why would I be sad?" and then get the whole "your house will be full of boys/you won't get to do girly things with a daughter/a son is a son til he gets a wife" comments.

OP posts:
annlee3817 · 22/03/2024 11:08

Same when I told people my second was a girl, as was our first, actually got an "I'm sorry" and "oh that's a shame" despite DH and I being happy 🤷

bradpittsbathwater · 22/03/2024 11:13

People often say stupid or thoughtless things. Just ignore.

ScrambledSmegs · 22/03/2024 11:14

Congratulations OP! Wishing you and your family all the best Thanks

Please put these idiotic comments out of your mind, if you can. Some people seem obsessed with 'balance'. I had the same when I was pregnant with DD2, some family, friends and complete strangers 'commiserating' with DH about his house full of women Hmm.

I mentally filed them under 'dickheads gonna dickhead' and tried to ignore.

RemarkablyBrightCreature · 22/03/2024 11:17

MN is full of “gender disappointment” threads (the very phrase gives me the rage) bemoaning the horror of having boys unfortunately. I have two boys and had these stupid comments for years - even from a midwife after birth of DS2 🤬. It’s such bollocks - it does stop after a few years 😬

GoodfortheGoose · 22/03/2024 11:17

The thought of having another boy keeps me up at night, the first one was a fucking handful😂

Wouldn't say it out loud though. To be honest, I don't see why you care. You're happy? Fine, brush it off. They're just making silly comments to clumsily make conversation. Doubt they care why sex your baby is, it's just them saying the first thing they think of.

MrsSamR · 22/03/2024 11:18

My MIL said "I think a boy next time" when I'd pretty much just brought my second daughter home. As if it's something you can order! People are weird about you 'completing the set' and having one of each. No idea why. I actually wanted two girls so there we go!

Original poster
LucyOriellsHat · 22/03/2024 11:19

GoodfortheGoose · 22/03/2024 11:17

The thought of having another boy keeps me up at night, the first one was a fucking handful😂

Wouldn't say it out loud though. To be honest, I don't see why you care. You're happy? Fine, brush it off. They're just making silly comments to clumsily make conversation. Doubt they care why sex your baby is, it's just them saying the first thing they think of.

That was almost certainly nothing to do with him being a boy though, that's the point. Of my four sisters, two of us were "easy" and two of us were a handful.

OP posts:
Original poster
LucyOriellsHat · 22/03/2024 11:20

ScrambledSmegs · 22/03/2024 11:14

Congratulations OP! Wishing you and your family all the best Thanks

Please put these idiotic comments out of your mind, if you can. Some people seem obsessed with 'balance'. I had the same when I was pregnant with DD2, some family, friends and complete strangers 'commiserating' with DH about his house full of women Hmm.

I mentally filed them under 'dickheads gonna dickhead' and tried to ignore.

My Dad used to get comments about having a house full of women. But people universally used to say to my mum how lovely it must be to have so many daughters because she would be close to us all as adults. Weird, weird assumption IMO.

OP posts:
elliejjtiny · 22/03/2024 11:22

I've got 5 boys. Youngest is 9 and people still ask me if I'm going to try again for a girl. Inlaws are the worst, they kept saying to my niece "poor auntie Ellie would have loved a little girl like you but she had all boys, go and give her a big hug and cheer her up". I had to threaten them with not seeing my boys if they were going to treat them as lesser than their girl cousins. I am quite happy with my boys thanks.

ThatSongAboutMe · 22/03/2024 11:22

People that stereotype their children like this are harming them. Ignore them. Your boys will be individuals with parents that see that, it’ll be a big advantage to them in life. Congrats.

My MIL was all ‘oh you’ll have someone to go clothes shopping with and get your nails done with now’ when we had our daughter. I don’t really like shopping, I’ve never had my nails done in my life and my daughter has turned out very similar to me. MIL is visibly disappointed. 😅 My son isn’t into football, he’s a disappointment to FIL. Sigh.

DryIce · 22/03/2024 11:25

LucyOriellsHat · 22/03/2024 11:19

That was almost certainly nothing to do with him being a boy though, that's the point. Of my four sisters, two of us were "easy" and two of us were a handful.

Show quote history

Ha yes my first was (is) a fucking handful!

Second is quite different, just described at parents evening as "the perfect child to teach"

I actually think having two of the same sex makes me less I clined to stereotype, as I can see how different they are from each other

icebearforpresident · 22/03/2024 11:27

We have only boys, we didn't find out the gender before birth because it really didn't matter, and no one has said any of the are you disappointed he wasn't a girl, because he was still beautiful

i have two girls and have never had these comments, neither has my husband. We also didn’t find out the sex with either pregnancy, I wonder if that’s something to do with it? Once you’re stood there with a baby in your arms people feel like they can’t comment (as if you can change it when you’re pregnant?!) We also didn’t tell anyone what name we had chosen when I was pregnant for the same reason, if you introduce them to baby Princess Consuela Banana Hammock no one will say a word, if you say that’s what you’re using before baby is born everyone will give an opinion.

Personally I would just tell them to go fuck themselves, but I can be like that sometimes.

Original poster
LucyOriellsHat · 22/03/2024 11:31

We had comments before we even found out TBH "oh I bet you're hoping for a girl this time". I used to say I really don't mind, we'd just like a healthy baby.

OP posts:
Scalby · 22/03/2024 11:32

I have two amazing adult DSs. We're close but they're definitely not mummy's boys. I adore them and wouldn't change them for anything.
When we were expecting baby number three I didn't have a huge preference but if pressed I'd have wished for another boy. I knew it would be our last DC. The comments about us only trying again for a girl and that they had their fingers crossed for a girl were all met with this reply...If you'd been through what we've been through you wouldn't care less what sex the baby is either.
It happened to be a girl who is now seventeen. We all have the same relationship. There's no huge difference. When we were expecting our first thirty years ago most mum's preference would have been for a boy, that has only changed recently in my experience.

Theothername · 22/03/2024 11:34

People say idiotic stuff. Don’t overthink it. There’s a version of this madness for every combination and permutation.

Loopzy · 22/03/2024 11:34

Congratulations OP! It is very upsetting when people react this way, my mum was the same when I told her we were having another boy. We were over the moon to share the news, but very upset with people's reactions.

Every time I met up with one friend, she would say how lucky she was to have one of each and how disappointed I must be. It was quite the opposite, but I did get pissed off with the constant comments, as they went on for years. I had another friend who only wanted one child, as she didn't want to risk having two girls, as she said she would never get over the disappointment!

As for your house being full of football, the majority of my friend's girls play football, rugby or cricket!

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 22/03/2024 12:19

Whichever you have 2 of, some people will always make stupid remarks.
I never had an engagement ring, but dh bought me lovely ring right after the birth of dd2.
One neighbour said, ‘You got that for a GIRL?’
To be entirely fair, she was from a Mediterranean culture where girls were definitely second best.

benjoin · 22/03/2024 12:20

Whatever you do baby wise someone always comes along to piss on your chips