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I don’t want to take my medication for anxiety

34 replies

Gerryactrick · 21/03/2024 12:05

I have been prescribed medication for anxiety and depression. I have been suffering since my childhood but I kept it to myself and struggled quietly. I’m now in my 30s and have admitted defeat. I can’t cope anymore, I hate myself and my life, I’m never happy and I’m constantly expecting something bad to happen. I have panic attacks if I leave the house, I assume the worst and I have no friends or support. It got to breaking point when I overheard a school mum talking about me. Apparently I’m weird for not talking to anyone (severe social anxiety so I drop and run) and they wouldn’t want their children mixing with mine as were obviously a strange family. This really got to me as now I know it’s affecting my children. The thing is I am terrified to take the medication. I know it’s there to help and may or may not work, it may need adjustments or a change of prescription, I won’t know until I take it. The thought of being dependent on it potentially for the rest of my life is nerve wracking for me. I never ask for help, I usually have my own way of coping, coming to this result makes me feel a failure. I worry I will react negatively to the medication and make my children suffer. I’m a single parent with no support so there is no adult to help me or tell me if they think something is wrong. I’ve managed 25 years of feeling like this, is the medication worth the stress and hassle? Can anyone share their experience with medication please?

OP posts:
MuggleMe · 21/03/2024 12:13

Citalopram changed my life. I was snappy, teary, plagued with intrusive thoughts and anxiety. This transformed within 3 weeks and I felt myself again. I had a sense or humour and patience with the kids.

FindingMeno · 21/03/2024 12:17

I was reluctant to medicate - however I did, and my first try was a perfect fit for me ( fluoxetine)
Absolute game changer and no side effects.

BonnyLass3 · 21/03/2024 12:24

Gosh I could have written your post a year ago. I was very resistant to trying medication for many years until last year when I was incredibly unwell and suicidal. I eventually agreed to try sertraline and although it took a month or two I felt worlds better. I actually forgot to take them for a few days at the beginning of this year and convinced myself I was fine now and didn’t need them. Well i definitely did because within a week or two I was back to being quite unwell.

It’s difficult to accept that you may need to be on them for a long time. It’s something I’ve struggled with. But life really is better when I’m on them and I’ve told myself that it doesn’t have to be forever but it does have to be for now. Please do give them a try. For yourself and for your kids

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Gerryactrick · 21/03/2024 12:42

Thank you all, I appreciate the positive stories and I’m glad the medication helped you. I know I need to take them, I don’t know why I’m so apprehensive. Mental health was a sign of weakness in the eyes of my family, hence why I was ignored as a mentally unwell child, perhaps I subconsciously feel like I’m weak for accepting help after all this time (I know I’m not).
Do any of you have concerns by the fact you may need them for life? Has anyone successfully came off the medication and continued their life anxiety-free?

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 21/03/2024 12:43

Not wanting to take the medication is a symptom of the problem. Fight against it and work towards feeling better 💐

Gerryactrick · 21/03/2024 12:55

Thank you

OP posts:
UraniumArthur · 21/03/2024 12:59

I was going to say as pp did - the anxiety about taking the medication could well just be another branch of the anxiety you are trying to treat.

Take the pills - give yourself 6 months on them and THEN make the decison about their longer term use (or not). Do it with a clear mind rather than right now while your decisions are clouded by your illness.

UraniumArthur · 21/03/2024 12:59

This really got to me as now I know it’s affecting my children.

And do it for them xx.

FannyGotobed · 21/03/2024 13:09

If you were diagnosed with high blood pressure or diabetes and prescribed medications to treat those conditions you'd take them? They would probably also be meds you'd have to take for the rest of your life, would that be an issue for you?

What I'm trying to say is, does it matter if you take medication for the rest of your life if it allows you to function and live a more stable, less anxious life? I know there's a stigma about being on meds for your mental health but that is actually bollocks! For one thing you don't have to tell anyone else, and for another we need to get away from this perception that somehow, magically, people can cure their mental health issues themselves. If there's someone with a heart condition taking meds we don't tell them that with a bit of positive thinking and if they just pulled themselves together they'd be fine! And yet we do that to people with mental health issues.

Dontknowwhyidoit · 21/03/2024 13:11

Hi, I was on Citalopram for 12 months in 2013-14 and came off it with no problems. Before I started the meds I was having lots of intrusive thoughts that my children would be better off without me and how useless I was. Within a month of starting them, I no longer had those thoughts but I was still low. I had talking therapy and after 12 months felt I no longer needed it and came off. 10 years later I am still doing ok.

slavetothekittens · 21/03/2024 13:11

I have anxiety disorder and OCD, took me way too long to get help with it as my head kept telling me not to bother the GP and they wouldn't want to know. I eventually forced myself to go to the GP as I was going downhill fast and she was absolutely lovely, got me in therapy and put me on Fluoxitine.

The Fluoxitine has been great, although I have had to have a higher dose, but it's stopped the feeling of self-loathing and the anger I held against myself. I now realise it was the illness itself stopping me from getting help for so long.

tryingtohelp82 · 21/03/2024 13:12

You need to do it for your kids. They can't have a mum like this

Pantaloons99 · 21/03/2024 13:17

School mum sounds like a piece of work. Just avoid her at all costs. Someone speaking openly like that so cruelly will have alot of issues.

I did find sertraline and citalopram made me feel much worse for about 4 weeks until it started working and I felt so much better. I had diazepam alongside it to help me cope with the adjustment period. Some people have no problems at all starting but I'm very medication sensitive. There's a long list of different meds to try so there's hope one is going to be a good fit ♥️

CatrionaCat · 21/03/2024 13:22

Be aware that they can make you feel worse for a while before they really start to work. Have a plan for how you will cope with this period. Also that you may have to try more than one before finding what works best for you.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 21/03/2024 13:25

The thought of being dependent on it potentially for the rest of my life is nerve wracking for me

Hi OP, I'm dependent on medication for the rest of my life for blood cancer and blood pressure - it's keeping me alive. Your medication is the same, except that instead of keeping you physically healthy it's keeping you mentally healthy, both for your sake and that of your children.

If it doesn't work for you it can be tweaked - but your GP won't be able to help you with that unless you start taking it.

Quartzine · 21/03/2024 13:38

I started sertraline 2 weeks ago. You ask if it's "worth the stress and anxiety"? I have no stress or anxiety about taking it: I'm grateful and hopeful that something might make me feel better. (Also single parent- but of 2 older teens.)

Mistymist · 21/03/2024 14:18

Medication changed my life at a time when nothing else helped. Using anxiety medication is nothing different than using any type of medication. You can't continue to live your life struggling with depression and anxiety. You will become worn out and unable to cope with anything. You need to do it for yourself and your children.

FindingMeno · 21/03/2024 22:23

I absolutely don't care at all if I'm on medication forever.
I don't want to return to the anxiety, that's all I do know!

Gerryactrick · 22/03/2024 11:20

Thank you everyone.
you’re all right that if it was for a physical illness I would take it without a second thought. I think for me personally I just feel like I’ve ‘lost’ because I was managing until now. I know realistically I haven’t lost but that’s how my mind is processing it.
My gp told me to break the tablet in half and take 25mg a day for 2 weeks. Does this sound about right?
Im absolutely terrified of the side effects. I have no one to help me, I have to drive to take my teen to school as it’s too far away for public transport and I know the medication can affect driving abilities.
I’m going to take it, I know I have to, but I still don’t want to purely based on the fact I could put my children in danger with the side effects that I cannot control.

OP posts:
Tcateh · 22/03/2024 11:38

Op hi

What have you been prescribed?

I felt the same in my 30s that I was a lesser person because I couldn't be normal and had to take antidepressants.
I came off them and decided I could do this myself. I spent a year having a breakdown that even I couldn't recognise as a breakdown.
My fight against taking them did not work and I nearly wasn't here.

I started Prozac very reluctantly and I was beating myself up that I needed to.
After a few weeks I realised I was feeling much better.

Previous to any of this, in my 20s I was on an antidepressant long term that I didn't realise wasn't helping me. So I got stuck thinking well ok that's that then.

My advice is try the tablets you've been given.
Give them a good chance and if you start to feel better good.

If after a month or so you feel alot worse, go back to your GP.

I didn't do this. This was the 90's. I had no clue there were different types and my GP was very unhelpful.

Circumstances made me change GP and he suggested the Prozac.

My life got better and I'm still on them.

Don't be scared. Xx

Gerryactrick · 22/03/2024 11:43

Thank you, I’m glad it worked out for you. I hope you’re in a better place today.
they prescribed sertraline.
the symptoms sound horrific and I’m now more scared of them than I was admitting I need help.

OP posts:
Tcateh · 22/03/2024 12:02

Ok so my experience is this.
My daughter had/has depression and anxiety.
I was so relieved when after 3 yrs they allowed her to try Prozac.

The thing that helped me massively.
Well it didn't help her and despite all my experience I was surprised.

Then she moved to Sertraline and the change in her was within a couple of weeks. For the better.

50mg, I think she started with 25 for a week. If Sertraline helps her it can help you. If it doesn't then you might need a different one.

Xx

Side effects wise, well I don't know how that will go for you. But as trite as it sounds your anxiety could be worrying you unnecessarily.

Hugs
X

Toddlerteaplease · 22/03/2024 12:08

Take it for the sake of your children.

Namechange666 · 22/03/2024 12:41

I have generalised anxiety disorder. I also have a late diagnosis of inattentive adhd which often has co-morbidities such as anxiety and depression. It maybe worth looking into female neurodiverse conditions to see if any fits with you.

So I am unmedicated for both. I was once medicated for anxiety but I was only on it short term. I manage myself through mindfulness and learning to listen to my body and mind when I'm at my peak. I used to have the worst panic attacks, like literal screaming attacks. Utterly embarrassing but terrifying at the time.

Before I knew anything about my adhd, I heard about a girl who had anxiety. She had loads of different medications and like 6 goes of cbt. Nothing worked for her until she discovered act (acceptance and commitment therapy) so I decided to go for it too. Wow it literally changed my life.

Once I understood how my brain worked and that I could regain control of it again, it helped so much. It's like a much more emotions based cbt. I got mine through the nhs after a years wait. I dread to think what waiting lists are like now. If you do sign up, tell them it's severely impacting your life, don't minimise it like I did. I ended up being put on the high intensity therapy list and was offered 21 sessions. If you can afford to go private then I would.

The basics are this.

Our brains use the fight or flight system as an alarm system to alert us of danger. This worked great in our cave man days. Not so much these days.
Although your brain is trying to protect you, it is actually misinterpreting stressful life events as dangerous. Therefore it is literally making your body scream at itself to avoid the stressful events or anything you percieve as stressful which is why you get symptoms. Your body is gearing up to deal with the threat or run away. But because there is no actual danger to life, it hasn't anywhere to go and results in said panic attack which is horrendous and can feel like a heart attack. My joints ache, my throat constricts, my chest hurts. I get numbness, dizziness, you name it.

So as my counsellor told me, the reptilian part of our brains the Amygdala, doesn't listen to it's more mordern counterparts, the cerebellum. It doesn't listen to reason. It only remembers how you feel.

So we ended up working on facing my fears. Using mindfulness techniques. One of the best ones was the five senses.

Apparently it used to be an old buddhist technique. It designed to bring your mind back to the present. It took me a while to get my mind to work with it but practise makes perfect. I also used the free version of the headspace. I also listened to meditation videos on youtube. My favourite is pura rasa. I can't stand awful voices and hers is magnetic. I can listen to it anytime and it soothes me.

I hope this information has helped you as I have really been to hell and back to keep my mental health good. It's not perfect but I am in peaceful, unmedicated place.

I also manage my adhd symptoms through music and using other practical methods such as a phone calendar etc.

Good luck to you!

GingerIsBest · 22/03/2024 12:55

How old is your teen? It seems unlikely that they are unaware of your mental health problems so it seems to me that it might be a good idea to tell them you're taking some medication. tell them you really hope the medicine will help and that you would really appreciate their feedback - do they see any differences in you (good or bad) etc.

Obviously, you need to do this sensitively - you don't want your teen to be your carer - but I think your mental health and anxiety has probably impacted them a lot anyway so acknowledging this and telling them what you're doing to make it better is a useful thing to do AND offers you a third party's insight.

I would also suggest journalling. Try writing just one or two paragraphs of what you did, thought or felt each day. That gives you a collection of data that you can then look back on in say a month to see how it compares.