Keep me company today?

[StJulian2023]

I feel absolutely awful today, I just want to cry and cry. Everything is difficult. Eldest having a terrible time; we’re all struggling more than ever without late DH. It’s been so so long now doing everything myself. I have six Teams meetings today between 9 and 2 and I need to look like I know what I’m talking about. Which I do, after 16 years here, but I’m so full of doubt and sadness today. I’ve tried so hard and for so long at home and at work and it feels like nothing sticks.

Please send solidarity and tell me I am not useless. I am wfh today which is good in some ways, but I’m so lonely.

I’ve put radio 3 on. Coffee has gone cold so I’m going to make another one.

I'm so sorry you are dealing with so much. I can't begin to imagine what your journey has been like.

What I can tell is that you are a strong woman - asking for support is a sign of strength- and you will get through this.

Enjoy your coffee and music before the start of your day and try to make a bit of time for yourself between meetings.

🌺

About to walk into class but couldn't read and run, you're not alone, and it's ok to feel overwhelmed, that's a lot!! But you know you're not useless!
Presuming it's too late to reschedule, take time for a brew and some positive self talk, you're dealing with some shit and you've got this!!!
By 2 the meetings will all be over!

Sending you a massive hug! Do you have any family or friends that can come over and keep you company after your meetings? Xx

You poor thing, I don't have any advice but just wanted to offer a handhold. I'm really enjoying the Adam Buxton podcast at the moment, getting me through wfh.

You are not useless! Things are generally tough at the moment and even more so for you. I am so sorry to hear about your DH. 💐

Listening to Radio 3 is a wonderful idea, I'm doing the same! It's a much more positive start to the day than the shouty news channels.

You will get through today, one meeting at a time. Be sure to do something nice for yourself this evening. People are here for you and there's always someone on here who's been through it and understands. x

Sending virtual hugs. It must be so hard but you will get through it. Can you get out for a walk - it can help to blow the cobwebs away?

Virtual support from here too op. Have a strong coffee, power through those meetings - you CAN do it - then try and have 30 minutes ’you time’ at 2.
I hope things start to get better for your eldest soon too.

Thank you all 💐 no no rescheduling, lots of stuff that needs to get done and lots of others involved. And I’m helping a student with their thesis research in one of them and I like to be helpful 😊

After work I need to take one child to a counselling appointment and drive the other to a different town to be in a concert. Then I need to figure out dinner, call to see how my parents are (dad in hospital) and do another child club run. It never ends. Busy and lonely at the same time.

Please keep cheering me on, it really does help 💐 I’ll be back later

Good luck with those meetings! Let us know how you get on.

Get in there and kick some ass, you got this.

Sending you strength and love today! It will go quickly, you have got this, and at the end of the day it will be a whole lot of jobs you've worked through and bossed it! Make yourself another coffee and if you can plan yourself something lovely for lunch. Take it a bit at a time.

I know the feeling (also widowed with 2 DC). I know it all feels so hard, dealing with life and grief and grieving children and work and doing everything on your own, but it sounds like you are doing great and definitely not useless. Busy and lonely at the same time really sums this up.
How long has it been since your DH died? Sorry if I have missed your previous posts about it. Have you joined WAY Widowed and Young assuming you were under 50 when your DH died? If not, I really recommend it for a community of people who get it.

That sounds tough op. Online meetings are tiring. Get outside even just for 5 minutes between each one.

I'm cheering you on until 2pm

Handhold from me. You're doing a fabulous job. Keep the coffee hot and topped up.
And by the time you get there, don't overly worry about what's for dinner. Once in a while letting the kids choose or just chucking a couple of pizzas in the over is absolutely fine.

Chin up OP! Smile and fake it. Grief doesn’t follow a straight line, there will be bad days and good days for many years. But only option is to keep plodding on.
Can you spare 20min to get outside for a walk? Fresh air always helps.
Treat yourself to a Yeti mug - that’ll solve the cold coffee problem at least! You’re doing a great job.

You are amazing OP. 💐💐💐💐

You're not useless at all. Have you got good support about DH? It can seem overwhelming at times.

If it's any consolation I was groggy from anaesthetic and made a prat of myself in a meeting as I wasn't quite sure what was going on. Luckily everyone laughed!

I'm around today for a virtual coffee ☕️

Your doing amazing! X

Two meetings done. So far a steering group for a project and an hour being interviewed for a student to help with his thesis. I think I was useful in both. Now a quick ‘break’ to try to power through some emails and other work before the next one. But will make quick cup of tea and put the washing into the drier first.

Oh, 7 years since he died so I guess I should be doing better 🤷‍♀️ my eldest wants to see where his ashes are buried so we’re doing that at the weekend. Sigh. Ideal husbands and fathers shouldn’t die in their 30s.

There's no time limit on doing better, sweetheart. Everything in your own time. x

Quick pet of best cat ever 🥰

Your cat is beyond cute, your doing great x

Oh love, there's no 'should be doing better', and it sounds like you are doing absolutely brilliantly working, coping, supporting others.
Just a big big hug and flowers from me. Be easy on yourself.

Absolutely no point in thinking you "should" be doing better, StJ.

Don't beat yourself up over feeling bad! You feel how you feel. If it was a friend feeling like you do in your circumstances you wouldn't criticise them would you? So be kind to yourself.
Do you journal? Maybe writing it all down might help- I have found this useful. All the good things as well as the hard things.