Do you feel like a grown up?

[wonderinglywondering]

Just that really. I was saying to DH today that even though I am mid thirties, good job, three children, can drive, married... I still don't feel like an adult.

I think some of it comes from the fact DH and I are very close with our families. I'm an only child, and my DM has no friends so messages me multiple times a day and has lots of opinions and advice on how to do things, how to decorate, etc etc. A good example is my kids are ill currently and when I told her this she immediately told me not to let them share towels or cups. Obviously I know this! She disagrees with the colour I am painting my bedroom and tutted that we have an TV in there.!

I almost never have people round because I worry that the house will not be clean/tidy enough, even though it is clean and tidy. I get very anxious hosting, worrying about catering etc and it never seems as good as when other people put on a spread. I usually over cater because I worry about running out.

I just feel a bit fed up that I still don't have the confidence in myself to feel like an adult with my shit together. A good friend told me that no one knows what they're doing really, and once I realise that I will feel better, but there are definitely people in my circle who do have their shit together! I have come off social media because a) we have so much family politics at play it is utterly stressful and toxic and b) i get sucked into "insta-perfect" lifestyle that makes me feel inadequate.

So, for those of you who do feel adult, how did you get there?

That would be leaving home at 17 and never going back. First mortgage at 19. Maybe you need to cut those apron strings?

I've just started to and I'm 60. Didn't happen till I had to put my mother in residential care a couple of months ago. We'd always had to live together ($$) and for the last few years I was her carer. Now I'm on my own for the first time, I can drive, and finally feel like an adult. (Now if only I can get a job before I have to go on the dole! Only six years before the age pension kicks in ...)

Yep stay off the toxic social media (except for MN obvs 😜) and maybe seek some talking therapy to talk through and learn how to build boundaries regarding your mum. Her behaviour is quite disrespectful. She doesn’t own you and you’re not 12!

Yes I do. I'm mid 30s, senior-ish job managing a large team/large budgets, grown up house, husband, child, multiple pets. All the responsibilities!

I generally have an organised personality and am happy to take a leader role in work & personal life so I think that's a factor.

The only time I really feel it is when I see schoolmates coping with awful things like being widowed or finding out their child is terminally ill (sadly happened to several schoolmates). I can't imagine how much strength and maturity it would take to go through something like that, it feels a very grown up thing to have to cope with.

Yes, but I always felt like an adult. When I was a kid, I was never spoken down to or forbidden things which didn’t put me in “less than them the adults” mindset.
I observed my parents and other adults struggling in some ways which meant they were not perfect, not put together and winging it. Observed a lot of adults pretending to be adults and not being called out because everyone else was doing their thing, didn’t care or was winging it themselves. Lightbulb moment really.
I thought “can you do this better” and often yes, I did, though of myself as an adult and enjoyed making my decisions early on

In the past couple of years, yes

I sometimes even sound like one

I wouldn't worry about what your mother thinks op

I don’t feel any different. My mum is 80 and says the same.

I’m looking at starting a small business and went to the business centre to get advice from a real adult, because I felt like my business was just something I’d made up. The adviser was puzzled and asked me why I was there because I seemed to have everything covered? It was literally because I can’t believe a kid like me can just invent something and call it a real business without it being approved by an adult (I’m a mum in my 40s).

Having a child was when I started to feel like an adult, I was only 27 but it's aged me so both physically and mentally. Especially when they're ill, that's when I feel like a proper grown up.

Nope. Married, kids, job with significant responsibility for the safety of others, fully independent since peft home at 18, parents and step parents all long gone, but my brain is stuck at about 22 (I'm late 30s)

I'm 37 with a 6 year old and 2 step children who are 20 and 16. I'm very lucky in that I have a fantastic relationship with both step kids however this has lead to numerous occasions of me telling DP "I'm not remotely grown up enough to parent this" after they've come to me for advice or told me something that's currently going on for them.

The eldest is a petrol head as am/was I; I find it very hard to not revert back to being 17 and impressed when he tells me what him and his mates get up to...obviously I try to muster a suitable parenty answer and advise against putting go faster stickers on his car 🤣

I'm just about to renew my car insurance and it filled some with horror that it now says I've had a driving license for 20 years! I'm definitely not grown up enough for any of this it and quite often wonder how on earth I've managed to play adult for so long and keep it together what with me only being 18