really worried for this young person, any suggestions?

[Crackalac]

a friend of my son has been a young carer for his dad for years. he is 20 years old now and has dropped out of/been asked to leave 2 x 6th form colleges because his caring responsibilities didn't give him enough time/head space to study. the situation took a turn for the worse recently and he has just been fired from a level 3 apprenticeship. what the hell is he supposed to do??

Are you friends with his parents? I can see his mum and dad feeling that you’re overstepping the mark here (although well intentioned).

Its great you want to help in some way but I’m not sure he will hear anything new - his college tutors will have given him advice as a carer, and sign posted help and options available

It must be hard caring for his dad- Perhaps he offloads on your son (as a friend) and in turn your son offloads on you. He for now has chosen to be his dads carer and you must respect his (adult) decision.

Sometimes all that’s needed is a listening ear.

As his Dad's needs are so great, he will be getting benefits which will allow his son to claim Carer's Allowance, not a fortune but at least some income and first class NI contributions automatically paid.

It isn't a long term answer though and he should not sacrifice his young life for an indefinite future of caring like this. It isn't a reasonable ask of anyone.

Could you run it by adult social care to make them aware? Poor kid. Maybe extra carers are needed to relieve the burden

oh yes!! I had forgotten about those people. they actually arrived on my doorstep in the period between my daughter dropping college and starting her apprenticeship. they maybe able to help might they, thanks

Yes make sure he is claiming carers allowance if he is the main carer.
It's £300 ish a month and as said above he will get "credits" towards his National Insurance.

oh I am definitely overstepping the mark. I don't care. he has been in this situation from such a young age, I don't think he can rescue himself without help. he hasn't, until recently, understood how unusual his situation is or acknowledged how difficult it is for him

There is a difference between dropping out and being asked to leave college: the same with an apprenticeship. It’s actually very difficult to fire an apprentice (unless for gross misconduct) and is very unusual.

The apprentice can claim for loss of earnings for the contracted term of employment, should they be fired for not doing the job well since they are in a training position which requires continuous support.

All I can assume is that he walked out of the apprenticeship or repeatedly failed to turn up without explanation?

his mum gets carers allowance so he can't claim. only one person can claim that

you assume incorrectly. I am dealing with this. but it won't actually help him, he won't be going back

I think this is a good idea...just have my concern for HIM added to the case?

Course wise open uni is a decent option, flexible study and can do it part time.

@Crackalac you said his mum was working. You can claim Carers Allowance and work - but not earn very much before the CA stops (somewhere along the amount of £160 a week). If she is working enough to not do any of the caring she must be full time. She shouldn't be getting the Carers Allowance - the son should be.
Although I don't know how you could approach that with them.....it might get awkward.

In some areas there are services for young adults which go up to 25 years old.

As for who might provide it, it completely depends where you live. You would have to google it and see what you can find.

Also look at any local services for NEET young people - as suggested above - he may fit into those if there's no specific young adult carer support.

There is often a page on the local council website for young people which lists all of the services for under 25's. That might be a good place to start but don't limit yourself to that, as there may be services which aren't listed there too.

Just have a good search online and ask around locally, find out what there is for him.

If mum is claiming carers allowance then she must be extremely low income or not working many hours per week?

I would say also, it might not be the best idea for son to start getting carers allowance, because that will complicate him moving forward and getting a job.

It just puts another barrier in place if he starts becoming dependent on that money.

Best for him to get out of the caring situation as soon as he can.

Apologies if you thought I’d made assumptions- there isn’t much to go on here.

What does he live on? Is his mum supporting him with her wages?

As an adult he can put a claim in for single person’s benefits (despite living at home) the job centre will appoint him an advisor and may be able to offer him advice tailored to his situation.

I wouldn't do anything that gets him more enmeshed in the situation.

Could you offer for him to live with you for a bit? You say he is friends with your son. Depends on you having a spare room I guess.

I think if he can move out he will begin to get rid of some of the guilt and responsibility he feels towards his father.

Adult social care won't do much about this - he's not at risk and there are no safeguarding issues going on. They have a very high threshold for support.
He just needs a lower level support service for NEET/ young carers.

Edit: Sorry I thought you meant in terms of him, but I can see in terms of getting carers in for the dad it might be a good idea!

@Crackalac I just checked. The mum can only earn £139 a week and claim Carers Allowance (£76.75 a week). If she earns more than that then CA stops.

yes, there is information that I am not giving you, there is information that he is not giving me and there is information that his mum is not giving him so it isn't a full picture

until he got the apprenticeship the household relied on his mum's wages and benefits that were paid to and controlled by dad.

his intention is to get a casual job when he feels ready (is under GP for stress currently and also situation is not stable). but claiming UC is a really good idea in the meantime

😭 that's shit isn't it

@Crackalac it is a bit really isn't it 🙁

oh, this is a really good point! maybe NEET support and UC claim rather than contacting carers support orgs (which I just emailed! 🙄)

I have offered. it would be cramped but he declined. he won't leave his mum. but it's a really good point about trying to untangle him from 'CARER'

I think definitely getting support as a carer (as in, talking through his situation) would be a good idea.

But claiming carers allowance is quite a long process and really, I would hope that by the time he would actually get it, he'd be thinking about getting out of the situation anyway.

It also only reinforces his identity as a carer if he gets carers allowance, and that's the opposite of what you want to happen.

So unless he's desperate for the money I would really discourage it. He needs to move away from any identity as a carer and towards his own identity - but he will need support for that.