Dd arrested. Again. Any police about?

[chaingangmam]

NC for obvious reasons. She's been arrested for theft. This is the second time in the last year. She's 17. Lives with her dad. She was arrested a significant distance away from home but still within our Force area. She's been taken to the main police station local to us.
Last time she refused a solicitor and she ended up with some kind of community disposal where she worked with the youth offending team.
Now she's been arrested again and is likely to be dealt with more severely which is what she needs. I don't want to go into all the ins and outs but she has mental health issues and a long history of problems with school suspensions, threatened expulsions, failed fresh starts. I'm doing everything in my power to get her the help she needs but she regularly disowns me so it's hard to get her to engage.

What is likely to happen this time? Will she be kept at the police station all night? I'm assuming so. Her dad is all for letting a duty social worker attend the police station instead of him. Is that a thing? It will be tomorrow now anyway and he's not sure he'll be available. Can parents refuse to attend?! I wouldn't have thought so. Ive told the arresting officer she's to have a solicitor this time. She freely admitted it last time and this time was caught red handed having stolen from more than one store.

Bit frazzled and upset so apologies if not making sense.
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Bump

That sounds very upsetting for you. How well do you get on with your ex husband? Do you agree on the best way to tackle her?

He agrees to everything when we speak then goes back on everything he says. He just keeps saying she'll be an adult soon and then she's on her own. He seems keen to wash his hands of her. It's a very complex and difficult situation.

I’m sorry this is happening to you. Parents can and do refuse to attend. In that case, the police have to get an appropriate adults to be with her for certain procedures. This explains some of it.

Here

Thank you. She's been shoplifting for years now I've been told. Years! This is the second time she's been caught and the police called. Other times they've not phoned the police and she's got away with it.

Parents can refuse to attend, they will just use a person from the appropriate adult scheme instead which is fine. The adult is only there to facilitate the interview (ensure child understands the question and is being understood) In our force area the adults from the scheme generally insist on a solicitor being there anytime.

Unusual to keep a child overnight unless there's evidence they want to get that they can't get until the next day. For shop theft I'd expect the child to be interviewed and released the same day, even if that is late at night.

Either yourself or her father or adult relative can act as Appropriate Adult if deemed appropriate. If you both refuse the Appropriate Adult scheme will be contacted.

Due to the late hour if they need get evidence such as statements, cctv they may very well keep her overnight.

They might interview tonight it also depends on the availability of the AA, in our county it can take several hours to get one. AAs usually ask for a solicitor, but your daughter is almost an hour so her view might also be considered, depending on the AA.

She will also have her biometrics taken, it could be a long night.

*adult

It was around 9 when are was caught and then she was transferred back over here and hadn't yet been booked when I spoke to the officer. I was told they'd phone and arrange a time to go down there.

It’s likely they are waiting for the interviewing officer. If custody is busy they might also be waiting for the duty solicitor to become available, they often represent more than one client on a busy night and have back to back interviews.

Can you go instead of her dad?

I would go. Knowledge is power, this does not define her, can can sort herself out and have a good happy life without trouble, I have been to the station and I've refused to go too. At 17 tho I think she can refuse you. You can tell the police her troubled past, it may help, it may make her "punishment " counsel ing. Even if you go and sit at the station and wait for her, she will know your there, it could be the start of change. I know it's hard, parents don't speak about this, but teens in trouble is more common that you think

Oh, I think I remember you from the school exclusion threads.

It isn't really possible for you to go, is it? She will likely do the opposite of anything you say anyway? Best to have a professional in hand and for her to have a solicitor present. You could perhaps talk to the solicitor to give them the lay of the land, but as an FYI if she confesses to a solicitor although they won't pass that confession on, neither will they allow any "lies" to be put forward either.

Most likely she will be advised to give a "no comment" interview, and then the police will do their level best to get her to answer at least one question so that they can say she was happy to answer some questions and only avoided answering questions she knew would show her in a bad light.

It might do her some good to face this alone. She's not far off being an adult where her crap will have a serious impact on her future, so maybe being treated like an adult now (i.e. on her own) will spook her a bit.

I got a caution for shoplifting age 17
I had a lot of problems as a teenager and shoplifting was the tip of the iceberg.
The caution didn't ruin my life , and I didn't do it again after the caution.
I think I remember your other thread
If she's having a lot of difficulties, would she be better living with you .
I was diagnosed with autism and ADHD last year ,it helped me make sense of why things went so wrong for me as a teenager

They only arrest minors because it's more the risk their impulsive behaviour could put themselves in danger. The police rarely attemd shoplifting where the goods total under £200. Unless she's stolen that much or I suppose you live somewhere quiet/ affluent where the police have less to do.

I went last time because they couldn't get hold of her dad and I wanted to be there for her. I can't go this time because her little brother is ill and I'm a single parent who has no-one to look after him for me. Otherwise I would but I think her dad needs to see her brought in from a cell and interviewed. It was awful. He also needs a wake up call.
I would love to have her home but she refuses all help, is violent, steals, runs away, goes missing, drugs, alcohol. I had to say enough to protect her siblings and myself. She wanted her dad and he said I was an unfit mother and she needs to see the consequences of her choices as does he. It breaks my heart.

You could learn her a big lesson here and leave her to it.
Refuse to get involved with it.
See how she copes then.
If no one is running to bail her out and no one is coming to stand by her she will have to be an adult and sort it her self.
She`s 17 to me thats a young adult leave her to it its hard but your get the swing of things.
Sometimes we just have to take a step back and let it be what it will.
Tough love.

It's really tough. My instinct is always to scoop her up because under it all she's still a lost little girl. I told the officer last night to arrest her. I feel awful about that but they couldn't keep her at the shops indefinitely waiting for her dad plus I insisted on a solicitor so they had no choice. Her dad is saying she can sort it herself and isn't interested in going down there to be her appropriate adult. Will they release her without a parent there? The police haven't made any contact yet.

I think you need to pull back on your instinct to help her here, OP. She needs to face consequences. I realise she's very young and you're obviously desperately worried about her but unfortunately she is very much of an age where she makes and shapes her own future. I'm sorry you're experiencing this. I remember your previous threads too and know how much you've been out through the wringer.

She's refusing anyone sensible to be an appropriate adult for her 🙄 her dad should go but won't.

I'm sorry this is happening, OP.

fwiw, my dad worked in criminal justice system & was often urgently consulted by friend or family when someone got arrested. His very 1st response, every single time, was "Leave them in jail for 3 days" (as in don't get them out any sooner). Sounds harsh, but after that 3 days, he knew that the accused would do exactly and everything recommended to avoid going back.

If I followed my dad's advice, I'd let someone else act as AA for her & be very slow to enable her release.

@chaingangmam I know it's hard but do not go down there yourself. This is a perfect opportunity for her to learn a lesson.

@lljkk's post just above has good advice based on experience.

Having the duty social worker as her appropriate adult isn't a bad thing. They tend to insist on having the duty solicitor as well. You can ask custody to get the social worker to contact you to discuss your concerns as well.

Don't go down there, let her be dealt with by SS. The more she fusses, the longer she'll be there for as well.

It'll do her and her dad good, as it shows up the issues currently.

Sounds as though she's heading towards court though if she keeps doing this. She might get a caution this time but it depends on what she's stolen and what she says in interview.

I can't go down anyway but don't think I would even if I could. Her dad needs to step up this time. Social services have been informed and a referral to mental health but she's under MH already. She's very good at saying things are because of her mental health but refuses any help for it.