When it feels right for you, based on things like your resilience to the possibility of being rejected after sex, your beliefs around sex, your vulnerability, enjoyment of sex and many other things.
I’m just not a jump into bed on the first date person - I take time to open up and I need to have space away from a person to figure out my feelings.
But in saying that, my best sex ever was a drunken first night. The relationship fizzled out because we weren’t compatible outside the bedroom but I couldn’t regret the sex. And sex can be a lot of fun.
I don’t think theres a magic number of days/weeks to wait. I think for previous generations there was a more cohesive social consensus about sexual morality so there was a higher degree of predictability to that conundrum. It was still a fraught issue with double standards and blatant hypocrisy. Sexual mores have changed now.
My advice is to be resolute about doing what you’re comfortable with in every aspect of dating to maximise your chance of attracting a partner who is compatible land comfortable within the boundaries you set.
But also to understand that a relationship not working out isn’t a rejection of you or anything to do with your worth as a person. It’s a bit like doing a jigsaw- if a piece doesn’t fit, you put it aside and look for another one. But trying to jam yourself to fit another person doesn’t do anyone any favours.
And sometimes the trash takes itself out. The guy that dumps you for having sex too soon or not soon enough just wasn’t your compatible jigsaw piece.