When’s the right time for sex?

[Lilllypad11]

When you’re seeing someone as a female, how long as a rule of thumb do you wait. Realistically, I think guys do lose interest if you do it too fast.

so what are your thoughts?

Men aren’t a homogeneous group who all behave the same so there isn’t an answer to your question- there is no magic formula to “trap” a man, or make him want a relationship with you.

Its entirely your call.

Similar for me 4 months
Some men don't think with their dicks and see the bigger picture , someone they really want to be with

Neither viewpoint is 'wrong' because all individuals are different. Yeah, even men 😄

It's a big mistake to think of sex as a bargaining chip, though. If your strategy's successful, you end up catching a guy who sees sex as something a man gets from a woman. Like it's a favour you do him, maybe even owe him.

You and your sexuality are worth more than that. Do it when you want to, never when you don't. There will be times when you want sex with a guy who isn't partner material - if he wants sex with you too, that's fine. Your body's for you to enjoy. There will be other times when it doesn't quite feel right, or not yet. This doesn't mean anything in relationship terms. It does mean your body doesn't want sex with that man at that time. Listen and honour it.

I won't bore you with my many & varied experiences, but I will share the most valuable thing I learned: Stop thinking of sex as 'being done to' and 'being penetrated'. Switch, right now, to 'doing together' and 'enveloping'.

You and your body decide. If you wanna 'blend' with someone, do it (safely). If you don't, and even if you start but then don't want to continue, knock it on the head.
Have fun 🙂

If I want, immediately. Second husband was first date.

I think the lose interest thing is a myth - either they're seriously interested or they're not

Equally, you could say a man who sleeps with a woman on the first date and wants to continue a relationship with her doesn't 'think' with his dick.

You believe couples who have sex early on don't really want to be with each other?

@Garlicking

That's such an awesome, well worded reply! Oh I do like your posts on here, I've noticed we generally agree on things!

@PossumintheHouse No I didn't say that at all, I've been in relationships with early sex that have lasted. We both wanted to.
I'm talking about when one person isn't ready, not many men would wait that long. The ones who do feel it's worth the wait.

Generally not before 3rd date - but there are exceptions

Was he worth that wait though?

How disappointing if he was useless in the sack after a 6 month build up and investing all that time in him 😂

In all seriousness- it’s game playing. You’re pretending you don’t want to have sex.

@SmileyClare excuse me!? I was a virgin with vaginismus. Think before you post.
Even if I hadn't been, it's not game playing. Many women want to get to know someone first before having sex.

Apologies.

Op is asking How long a woman should wait for sex because she assumes men will lose interest after sex. That’s nothing to do with not feeling physically able to have sex (in op’s case)

You don’t “give” sex to anyone, you share it when it feels right. That can be on the first date.

It’s about chemistry and passion. Good sex is lovely.

Most dates don’t turn into long term relationships. That has nothing to do with when you have sex. But waiting ages may indicate to the other partner that you are not interested.

If someone walks away after sex, it is better to know sooner rather than later.

Some might. I've started every single relationship I've ever had with sex, including 2 marriages, so it's worked pretty well for me so far. Any man who judged me for having sex (with him!!) too quickly is not a man I want to be with.

…and a man full of double standards 🤮. For every woman with her knickers down there’s a man with his pants down (assuming it’s a heterosexual date). Any man who is going to judge a woman on that issue is best discovered quickly and binned.

Likewise, you don’t want to wait ages to discover someone is rubbish or selfish in bed.

Exactly this. Get out of your head that sex is something you give to someone, or part of a game you should be playing.the whole point of dating is to see how you connect with someone- that works both ways.

i had sex on a first date on Friday, don’t think it will turn into a long term relationship (although it could, I guess) but great guy, respectful, adoring, and my first orgasm during sex in three years- I enjoyed every minute!

Exactly! ❤️. Hanging about achieves nothing.

It’s drip feeding though not to mention the Vaginismus when responding; it makes a huge difference.

l would argue that you don’t really get to know someone in this context until you've had sex. It’s not just getting to know the individual, it’s about getting to know each other’s bodies and chemistry.

I slept with my husband on the first date. We got caught up in the moment and it felt right. Generally though, I would usually see men at least a few times before going to bed if I wanted something potentially serious. I think the risk is that when you get sexual early on, the relationship is then just based on casual sex as you miss out the stage where he's taking you out, impressing you and you're working out if he's right for you.

As soon as possible. I didn’t want to discover, after I’d got to like someone, that he was dreadful in bed, or that we were totally sexually incompatible. Early dates for me are about establishing if there is attraction and compatibility, and sex as well as talk is part of that.

(Historical issue for me, though, but I had sex with DH almost immediately.)

When you are ready. That is the only right time.

I had sex with a bloke two hours after meeting him for the first time.

We've been married 26 years and counting now. Two grown up sons. He's taking his bloody time losing interest 😂

When you both want to? We did the night we met. Been together 12 years. If it’s right, it’s right. Get out of this game playing mindset, or that withholding sex, if you want it, will make him keener.

I am baffled by the idea that men will "get what they want" and then disappear. What if the sex was good and you both want to do it again?

A lot do because they're just trawling dating sites for quickies but it's better to not invest any emotional energy on them. If they're going to fuck and run its better to find that out early before you give a shit imo.

When you both want to have it.

But surely banging on the first date is different if you're not banging on the first date every week?! So, yes I did 'bang' my husband on the first date 21 years ago but it was the first date I'd been on in a long time!

Also, what do you mean there is nothing for him to work for after that? Well, our holidays, our life, our future children, life's little pleasures, all those things! They don't just stop after you have sex once!