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Well fuck you then!

58 replies

FlabMonsterIsDietingAgain · 16/03/2024 14:57

Just a teeny rant.

Spent the last couple of days decorating the hallway, stripped the old wood chip off which is a bastard of a job, glossed the woodwork and put up new paper.

Husband has just walked in to the living room and I said 'all done, what do you think?'

His reply 'I can see a bubble in the paper from here' that's it. End of. Now watching shit on YouTube.

Well fuck you then. I do all the decorating, if I didn't then nothing would have been done at all in the last 15 years we've been here, I carpeted the stairs and landing by myself, I've redecorated every room except the bathroom which is getting ripped out and redone soon. I don't bother asking for help now because it's clear he has no interest in it, but is it too much to expect a 'good job, it looks nice'? He's generally a good husband, 50/50 around the house, cooking, parenting etc but it would have been nice to just fake a tiny bit of interest and spend 1 whole minute looking at it.

OP posts:
SabreIsMyFave · 16/03/2024 16:07

Hmmmm, why some people do this? Haven't got a good thing to say about anything, but happily chip in with criticism and negative comments. My mum was a bit like this, but that was because she favoured my brother and I could never do a thing right - and God forbid she said anything nice to me. From my hair, to my figure, to my job, to my clothes, to my driving, to my parenting, always a snide about something ... and a little dig every single time I saw her. It made me so insecure - and eager to please people (as a younger woman (under 45.)

And my DH used to be like it. I wrote a few short stories and a short novel, and asked him to read them, and he had about half a dozen negative things to say about all of it. I wish I hadn't asked! But also, he used to have something negative to say about everything I cooked/all food I prepared as a meal. Too dry, too cool, too hot, too salty, too greasy, bit bland, could have done with being in the oven a bit longer, wouldn't have that again.... at least 2 or 3 times a week. He stopped doing it, when I grabbed his plate and threw his meal in the bin once, and carried on eating mine and refused to cook for him for a month. And that was because he started begging. (This was maybe 12-ish years ago,)

He also used to berate what I wore, so many negative comments. One time (some 25 years ago,) he told me my 'fat' is bulging out in this particular dress. (I was 9 stone, and had no 'fat.') I told his mum and she said 'you cheeky little cunt, she looks lovely, she's got a smashing figure!' Luckily his mum adored me. I was the daughter she never had, and she ripped into him when she found out he had been mean to me. She died 20 years ago sadly... She said 'he is trying to bring you down because you look great and he doesn't want you to get too confident and leave him for someone else.' Bang on, MIL!

I also put a load of lovely new gravel in our back yard, about 6-7 years ago, after spending 2 hours pulling up all the weeds, and also put some bedding plants in the flowerbeds, and it looked so nice. I painted the shed too. Took the whole day. All he said was 'didn't really need doing, he wasn't sure about the shed paint colour, and the flowers needed to be closer together (they didn't as they grow 3X the size!) It looked so pretty and he didn't say a good thing about it. I just burst into tears. he said 'what's the matter!' with this face >>. Shock And I told him. 'You always have something negative to say about EVERYthing I do. You can't just compliment me and be nice can you?' 😢

He was really contrite and apologetic. he said 'I'm sorry - I just say things before thinking.' I said 'that's no excuse, you are still slagging me off, and the garden looks fucking gorgeous. Why not just say so?'

There are quite a few more examples. Including one where I painted and decorated the spare room, and DH just slagged it off. Not a single compliment.

Upshot is, (some) men don't like women to be too confident and they don't want them getting ideas above their station and thinking they can do stuff better than the men! (Which of course women can - and do!)

Since the 'garden incident' (6-7 years ago) DH has never critisized anything and is always nice about everything I do. I don't need constant compliments, and no criticism ever, but he never ever said anything nice or complimentary when I did something. Now he does just the opposite! Always nice. I'm not complaining! 😆

@FlabMonsterIsDietingAgain Sorry no advice, except what a pp suggested, and what I did - TELL HIM that he is upsetting you. Flowers

Cyclealong · 16/03/2024 16:11

Can you post some photos please OP so we can admire your hard work?

honeylulu · 16/03/2024 17:08

Oh god my husband used to be a bit like that - rather than saying well done, very nice he would hone in on one small thing to criticise. "You've missed a bit" syndrome is absolutely it!

I think for him he was a bit threatened by me being capable and a bit defensive about being seen as lazy. He would bang on about doing some decorating or a DIY job for months and in the end I'd book a day off work and do it myself.

Me getting cross or upset made him more defensive. Eventually I landed on a couple of sarky retorts which shut him up. Either "it's better than the bit you did" or "maybe your next wife will do it to your liking".

FlabMonsterIsDietingAgain · 16/03/2024 17:48

I am definitely not a great decorator, but it's serviceable and with both of us working full time from home, me in a global org which means weird and often long hours it hard to arrange having anyone in to do anything. So it's do it ourselves or it doesn't get done.

In the last 3 weeks I've done the downstairs toilet and the hallway, nothing special just new paper and a bit of a spruce up.

Well fuck you then!
Well fuck you then!
OP posts:
EcstaticMarmalade · 16/03/2024 17:50

Ask him what he thinks of the living room. Before he answers say “Because I can see an ungrateful knob just standing there cluttering the place up and I’m wondering if I should get rid of it?”

betterangels · 16/03/2024 17:52

What. An. Arsehole.

UnePersonne · 16/03/2024 17:55

That looks fresh and lovely op 😊 Love the paper! Crisp and newly painted woodwork always makes a much bigger difference than you think too. Ignore him, enjoy x

heldinadream · 16/03/2024 17:59

Nothing special? Jeez, don't be so modest, that's a flipping amazing job you've done, both pics, absolutely gorgeous!

He's bloody lucky to have you OP.

Cyclealong · 16/03/2024 18:01

Looks amazing OP. Give yourself a pat on the back as that arse isn’t going to do it 😊

QuestionForHelp · 16/03/2024 18:03

I think that's nasty actually because he has just picked on a minor fault which in the context of your hard work and end result is unpleasant.

It's like saying to someone how do I look and all they say is 'you've got a big spot on your nose'.

It's not even being disinterested or bored or don't care. It's taking an active step to be undermining.

I think it's horrible and does not say good things about him.

mycatsanutter · 16/03/2024 18:30

Well done op ! Papering by yourself is a pain in the arse. My DH would be wearing the wallpaper paste if he said that to me .

Desecratedcoconut · 16/03/2024 18:36

Glossing over your colossal amount of work to point out a small flaw sounds like the kind of dick move that is intended to grind you down. Have you told him that?

Notthatcatagain · 16/03/2024 18:53

My DH is rubbish at DIY, pretty poor in the garden and a rubbish cook. However, he's pretty amazing at clearing up and I don't ever wash a pot. He deals with the litter tray and cleans out the chicken coop. He never criticises my efforts at anything.

Titsywoo · 16/03/2024 19:09

I don't understand why he isn't getting involved to be honest. DH and I do all this stuff together. He is much better than me but I assist with all the grunt work. You are supposed to be a team and the house belongs to both of you.

I'd find it hard to like him at all even before the rude comments.

Trulyme · 16/03/2024 19:15

It looks great!

I love the wallpaper in the bathroom!

I always judge someone on how they would act towards a friend vs a partner.

If he went to a friends home who had just decorated, would he have been so rude or would he have complimented them on a good job.

I can bet he would have found something nice to say to them, so why not to his partner.

Entangledlife · 16/03/2024 19:22

That looks fabulous, gorgeous wallpaper 😍

tolerable · 16/03/2024 19:26

is there a bubble?

Butteredtoast55 · 16/03/2024 19:31

EcstaticMarmalade · 16/03/2024 17:50

Ask him what he thinks of the living room. Before he answers say “Because I can see an ungrateful knob just standing there cluttering the place up and I’m wondering if I should get rid of it?”

I absolutely love this!

Butteredtoast55 · 16/03/2024 19:33

I am full of admiration for anyone who can strip wood chip off a wall and hang wallpaper. It looks lovely.

Cyclealong · 16/03/2024 19:35

Butteredtoast55 · 16/03/2024 19:33

I am full of admiration for anyone who can strip wood chip off a wall and hang wallpaper. It looks lovely.

Me too

HappiestSleeping · 16/03/2024 19:36

FlabMonsterIsDietingAgain · 16/03/2024 17:48

I am definitely not a great decorator, but it's serviceable and with both of us working full time from home, me in a global org which means weird and often long hours it hard to arrange having anyone in to do anything. So it's do it ourselves or it doesn't get done.

In the last 3 weeks I've done the downstairs toilet and the hallway, nothing special just new paper and a bit of a spruce up.

Come and do our house please? I would definitely say "thank you, it looks great" 👍

Needapadlockonmyfridge · 16/03/2024 19:44

Your decorating looks fabulous, OP.

And your "D" H is an utter knob.

Pashazade · 16/03/2024 19:48

Love the paper! I'd have the hump for the next week and do fuck all for him. So unkind.

DippyDipped · 16/03/2024 19:50

I’m a bit wow, especially at the bathroom. And I’m not a sugary MN type. You will simply have to think of a petty revenge OP 😂 or better yet have such a go at him, like a previous poster did with her DH, that he never ever makes a negative comment again. Job done!

Whataretalkingabout · 16/03/2024 19:56

Mine is exactly the same. Why are they so threatened by strong women? Some men are such hypocrits. They are actually delighted that we are courageous and hard working enough to do the dirty diy work, but way too insecure to acknowledge it.

Good for you OP to celebrate with your daughter! Do not fail to congratulate yourself every time you walk by your garden or entryway. And PP is right, don't just tolerate it, tell him how it makes you feel but without becoming emotional (my problem I can become enraged) and then they will turn it back on you. Instead just be proud of yourself. You don't need anyone's approval. You are MARVELOUS and you know it!

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