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Are you 44, in a graduate career, and also unable to afford basic emergency stuff??

179 replies

FeelingPoor · 14/03/2024 19:52

As new user name and title suggests:
I am middle aged
Middle income
Employed in a fairly specialist field (postgrad, professional membership bla)
Rocked by unexpected bills

We have woodworm. This month it has cost £420 to sort (not done yet). So not a huge amount
Adult son with additional needs has found a better living situation. I will need to lend him £500 for this.
Younger son's birthday party - £140
First payment on child's rugby tour - £75

And that's our meagre savings gone. I thought at this age and this stage in my career I could absorb these things more easily. Its just a bit shit when you have so much responsibility, work so hard, and are still scraping along.

We are lucky - fed, clothed, have lots of nice times... But today feels moan-worthy! Anyone else in a similar position??

OP posts:
woneman · 15/03/2024 22:29

I'm 44 and doing OK, despite having my eldest dc young as well. Mainly down to DH's high income though, and some lucky investments rather than my own pt job. Life could have been very different if I hadn't met DH. I've never lived paycheck to paycheck though so we've been able to absorb the cost of living rises. I do wince at the cost of any work on the house as I'm not used to having a money pit house, we used to live in a modern flat which never had unexpected bills. Definitely an easier way to live.

DrawersOnTheDoors · 15/03/2024 22:31

Same! We bought half a shared ownership house and now can't afford the other half. Sad times.

The public sector pay freeze has been a huge issue for me, plus the shift to shitty short term contracts. DH flat earnings also despite gaining seniority hugely.

Though grateful to have food to put on the table tbh.

Sunbeam18 · 15/03/2024 22:37

Love the suggestion that you line up some interviews for jobs paying 10k-20k more than you are currently on! Brainwave, wish I'd thought of that

redmapleleaves1 · 16/03/2024 11:11

Solidarity with those on this thread. I'm a bit older, late 50s, single mum to two young adults, in 'professional' public sector job.

What has made a massive difference for me, over the years, is You Need a Budget app. Started when got divorced, on short term contracts and was really scared, and it got me realistic about what was coming up costwise, and building a small safety net, which made big difference to how secure I felt. There have been times of more plenty too but more recently it has helped me realise that actually I wasn't managing with two children at university, so moving to compressed hours, and taking on another contract on my 'day off', which over two years has made a massive difference. But officially I'm earning reasonably, and that I need to be working 6 days a week at this stage of life is crazy.

I do think, structurally, lots has changed in UK economy. Brexit is meaning a massive loss to tax take, and significant inflation when wages aren't keeping pace, or at least not in public sector. Costs which used to be born by state are being shouldered by individuals. Cost of my young adults at university in large southern cities aren't met by their maintenance loan. DS in Bristol, and his mates, have searched for 6 months for a shared house for next year, bidding against other students, and the one they have finally 'won', nothing special, is £750 pp/pmthx12 months. That is nearly as much as my mortgage for one small student room excl bills. And while he has holiday jobs and is frugal, there will be ever more of a gap between how much his grant has gone up (2%), costs of the room, what he can cover, and the additional bits I need to contribute from my income alone (as assessed on the income of the parent with custody alone, generally a woman), and trying to bridge the gap. Where when I was a student I could manage alone from my holiday earnings and grant.

What I'm trying to say is this is structural for many of us, and largely hidden.

PontiacFirebird · 16/03/2024 11:33

I worry about my kids too. Oldest won’t be going to uni (which I was a bit disappointed by secretly but actually how the fuck would I have paid for the top ups I can apparently afford?)
I am determined to do what I can to help towards deposits for kids. I can actually envisage myself living in a static caravan when I retire and would rather know my children will be able to buy somewhere to live at a young age because renting is so hard and so expensive now. The disconnect between what my parents generation could expect ( buy a wreck, do it up, sell for £££, be mortgage free by 55) and what I am expecting is bizarre really. Realistically I can choose for myself to be comfy, or help my children- I can’t have both.

Midwinter91 · 16/03/2024 11:36

Yes postgrad and been qualified in job 12 years, partner also well qualified. We are struggling to afford our bills and childcare for 1 child. It’s not hard to see why. Our mortgage alone is over 1kpcm, childcare another 1k.

Desecratedcoconut · 16/03/2024 11:44

No, I'm 44 - with an average income, three kids and we have managed really quite well. I got together with dh when I was young and we got on the property ladder early. Sharing living costs from the off and getting some equity under our belt before the property crash was one of those big, unearned advantages that nudged everything in our favour. That and having skills to maintain and improve our property and its value without much reliance on paid-for labour. It's just these small things that made the biggest difference - not some great leap in career advancement as a graduate.

Janefondashair · 16/03/2024 14:56

wejammin · 15/03/2024 17:45

Oh I've found my people!
I'm 39 DH is 38. Both in the legal sector and worked incredibly hard to get here, but not employed in the big city law firms, just your regular high street lawyers. Both on £45k gross.
Got 3 kids and a fairly average semi detached house in working class outskirts of a big northern city. Not decorated much or done up.
No fancy cars, apple watches, Waitrose etc. My car is a 2005 Honda Jazz and we shop at Aldi. All clothes off vinted. Holidays are camping in the UK.
Don't get me wrong I have a great life, however when I was a kid, my mum was a social worker manager and my dad was a middle manager in insurance and me and my sister were in private school and had holidays to Florida, the Canaries, villa in Spain. New cars every few years. My boss when I was a trainee solicitor had the same and retired at 55 to play golf in Tenerife.
That kind of lifestyle seems WILD to me now. Is it wrong to want to aspire to what we were told we could achieve if we did all the 'right' things? I don't expect private school or fancy holidays, or early retirement, but just to not struggle?

I totally get this. The people in their mid 40s I worked with when I was starting out had the kind of lifestyle you are describing; detached house in the country, kids in private school, foreign holidays, new cars. They didn't necessarily have all of them (and I don't necessarily aspire to all of them) but not one single one of these things is attainable for me at the moment.

WarningOfGails · 16/03/2024 15:11

Article on the I paper today about how hard hit graduates on the new student loans are in the latest budget… not this age group I guess but doesn’t bode well…

awitchoftroubleinelectricblue · 16/03/2024 15:25

I'm 44 and am a supply teacher - for all sorts of reasons I won't go into on here, I don't work full-time. I earn so little that I don't pay off much of my student loan. We live in social housing and claim several benefits. We are skint. I sometimes feel like I've wasted all that promise and determination that I had in my early 20s and that I should have made more of myself; I didn't factor in a child with mostly hidden disabilities and a husband with increasing anxiety though. We try to live within our means and concentrate on small joys such as a lovely place to sit in in the garden, good quality speakers to make listening to music even better, fancy tea and coffee and food biscuits to go with it. It sounds shit on paper but a small little is better than no life, in my opinion.

FeelingPoor · 16/03/2024 19:13

Doesn't sound shit to me @awitchoftroubleinelectricblue life is what you make it, and it sounds like you're making the best you can. Small joys beat expensive purchases every time

OP posts:
Idontneedanotherhero · 17/03/2024 18:45

I hear you! We have a reasonable income between us but the house is a disaster and we last went on holiday (to Wales) in 2020. It’s depressing

Isthisasgoodasitis · 17/03/2024 18:51

FeelingPoor · 14/03/2024 20:17

I'm glad I'm not alone (but sorry for you all).
I have such a 'grown up' job with so much responsibility and specialist knowledge. Somehow in my head I feel like that should equate to - yes we can pay the builder £500 to prevent the ceiling collapsing, obviously that is no problem...
But the reality is much more 'shit can we afford to pay the builder to keep the ceiling up 😫'

Hey how at least I have a wood worm ridden house to call my own I guess!

You could try charging the word worm rent to help out while you apply for the appropriate eviction notices 🤷‍♀️

Sjh15 · 17/03/2024 19:42

FeelingPoor · 14/03/2024 21:33

I was listening to a podcast today about 'peak millenials' (33-34 years old). Apparently they had a delayed start but are now finally starting to accumulate wealth. I can't even accumulate 2 months income in savings, let alone wealth!

I am rich in so many other ways though, good to keep focused on that

I’m 33. About to turn 34.
no wealth accumulated.
what you heard was rubbish.
my car in the month of January cost me £800. I’m on 12k a year basic. It crippled me.
my partner is on 33k.
we have a 2 yo. I work so part time as there is no point being full time cos of nursery.
I’d like to have a word with whoever you heard that from! Xx

Minikievs · 17/03/2024 19:49

I've posted on this thread a few days ago, but am back to share how my month is going.
11 days till payday. Up to my o/d limit. Have £40 cash in my purse which I was going to spend in Aldi today. But it came to £58 (caveat, I did buy an unnecessary yucca for £8 so only have myself to blame)
So the shopping went on my credit card. Iron blew up when I was doing DC school shirts this afternoon. New one ordered. £50.
I had put £150 aside at the start of the month as "savings" HAR DEE HAR
Now I have to transfer that out to cover the food shop and the iron. So have £40 cash. £40 of "savings" left.
Will need fuel before end of month too.
I'm a professional woman on a decent salary and I'm teeming and lading every month to try and make ends meet.
I do like my yucca though. No regrets.

Justalittlehotpotato · 17/03/2024 20:18

PSEnny · 14/03/2024 20:59

It’s difficult to comment on your situation as there’s no detail about your incoming and outgoing money and why you can’t save. Is your mortgage large or as it gone up? Do you have loans for things like cars? Everything is so much more expensive.
Owning a home is relentless in terms of unexpected bills. I have damp and a roof leak and an issue with the bay window. It’s going to cost thousands and eat up large chunks of savings. It will mean no holidays next year (this year’s already booked and paid for). You just need to cut your cloth. I do think people have unrealistic expectations of what their life style should be. I’d love to pay for all the repairs and go on holiday but I can’t and this isn’t anyone’s fault, it isn’t outrageous that I’m not paid more, it’s just life.

You see you say this but we have one decent income coming in, think highest level management, and then my 30 hour a week part time wage which is still a few quid above min wage. We own both of our cars outright, we only have about 60% LTV on our home, fixed in before rates shot up (so sensible enough repayments), and we are very fortunate to have no debts other than a couple of hundred quid on credit cards which typically gets paid off anyway…and yet we are still struggling with the massive increase in bills including the childcare costs for one DC. We haven’t had a foreign holiday since 2021, we can’t really afford to go out and have fun. The world is just mental at the moment and I can’t see how everyone can be this skint all the time on decent wages and frugal spending

AfraidToRun · 17/03/2024 20:53

We are ok but I also think it's perspective. I grew up in a council house often hungry and having a mortgaged house was the epitome of wealth for me. I know it's seen as the norm now but I can't stop pinching myself because I made it.

MeridaBrave · 17/03/2024 21:03

We are late 40s in professional jobs. I’ve found that since we no longer have childcare costs (since youngest DC went to secondary school) we’ve managed to build a buffer. We’ve always been very frugal though. I think some professional jobs in the Uk aren’t well enough paid…

Isitthathardtobekind · 17/03/2024 21:30

I could have written this post.

Singlespies · 17/03/2024 21:52

I hear you. But life is £1000 a month more expensive than 5 years ago due to child to support at Uni, interest rates and inflation. About to leave a job paying £70k for one paying £90k to cover this. I used to save £1000 a month 5 years ago. Now, nothing.

( I am the only adult in my household, so no other income coming in)

WingingItAsMummy · 18/03/2024 07:49

I completely feel this! How are all my friends affording several abroad trips each year? Credit cards? Who knows but we definitely aren't!

Dearover · 18/03/2024 07:57

@Minikievs Accountant? I think it's the first time I've ever seen the phrase teeming & leading on MN.

Dearover · 18/03/2024 08:01

The reality of subsidising at least one DC at uni does come as a shock, regardless of savings & income. Mine did a degree at a uni where you couldn't work on top. The notional idea that you can top up the difference between the min & max maintenance loan is nonsense as well when their rent alone is £700+ month or halls cost £180 each week.

Springiscoming2024 · 18/03/2024 08:39

Perhaps this is the result of people getting huge mortgages rather than settling for a smaller house or a less desirable area. I’m mid forties in a middle management graduate public sector job and don’t feel squeezed at all. DH and I have a very comfortable life with plenty of disposable income. I think it’s because our mortgage is reasonable as our house, whilst commutable to London, is in an area that isn’t considered desireable or with amazing schools. At the end of the day we all have choices that can make our lives easier or not 🤷‍♀️

PurplePansy05 · 18/03/2024 09:15

Springiscoming2024 · 18/03/2024 08:39

Perhaps this is the result of people getting huge mortgages rather than settling for a smaller house or a less desirable area. I’m mid forties in a middle management graduate public sector job and don’t feel squeezed at all. DH and I have a very comfortable life with plenty of disposable income. I think it’s because our mortgage is reasonable as our house, whilst commutable to London, is in an area that isn’t considered desireable or with amazing schools. At the end of the day we all have choices that can make our lives easier or not 🤷‍♀️

Edited

What a load of waffle. People bought houses they could afford and with the space they needed for their kids, within school catchments they wanted and subject to what was available.

It's not like middle to upper middle income earners have built themselves mansions and are now complaining, people mostly buy houses prioritising their families, work commute and pick what's on the market at the time.

The point stands, even 5 years ago mid to high-mid earners would not be anywhere near as squeezed in doing so.

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