Are you 44, in a graduate career, and also unable to afford basic emergency stuff??

[FeelingPoor]

As new user name and title suggests:
I am middle aged
Middle income
Employed in a fairly specialist field (postgrad, professional membership bla)
Rocked by unexpected bills

We have woodworm. This month it has cost £420 to sort (not done yet). So not a huge amount
Adult son with additional needs has found a better living situation. I will need to lend him £500 for this.
Younger son's birthday party - £140
First payment on child's rugby tour - £75

And that's our meagre savings gone. I thought at this age and this stage in my career I could absorb these things more easily. Its just a bit shit when you have so much responsibility, work so hard, and are still scraping along.

We are lucky - fed, clothed, have lots of nice times... But today feels moan-worthy! Anyone else in a similar position??

Yep, 44 on paper our income is high. In reality if something is wrong we're
Fucked.

No.
I'm 44 and well "sorted out". Sorry.
Since very young age I learned whatever situation in life, you can only rely on yourself, in reality.
Harsh.

@Bloatstoat yup- no visitors here because I've not saved up for door handles yet 😂

@FeelingPoor I think we are the 'squeezed middle'?! I can pay the mortgage and that's it. Everything else is on the never-never. I am a single parent of 3 and have 25 years of (good! Almost impressive!) experience in my field and I receive universal credit top up as even the government realises it is not enough to live on.

@PSEnny the 'cut your cloth' line is not the point I feel. If I cut my cloth we would not eat. I pay for the house and food and things to keep life afloat. Not sure which cloth the OP could cut either?! Let the woodworm in?! At best she could save £75 by not allowing her child on rugby tour- but the entire point of her OP is... she should be able to afford one-offs like that on two graduate salaries.

I can totally relate to this. DH and I are graduates and DH is a higher income tax payer and we’re struggling with day to day living costs. We only managed to buy our first home when we were 43 in 2021 as we had to do it on our own with no financial help from family, and since then it’s been non stop paying out for roof repairs and other unexpected issues. And, no, you can’t claim for a leaky roof on home insurance, only storm damage. The carpets desperately need to come up and we’re struggling to get the money together to get it done. Now the chimney has started leaking…I despair. We haven’t had a holiday in over 10 years. I feel bad that DS 10 has never had a proper holiday only days out. All our money, and it’s a considerable amount, is going into our home and other inflated living costs like food and energy.

@mynamechangemyrules yeah that's it. Of course rugby tours and birthday parties are luxuries we could do without. But, rightly or wrongly, I feel like we shouldn't have to! What is the point of it all if I can't even afford a (subsidised) mini rugby tour. Gah

You can't claim on lots of things on your home insurance! I started learning that lesson when our drains failed. I am continuing this education during the woodworm saga.

i’m almost 44, professional job, save approx 50% of my gross income. I did this by treating my investments (pension and S&S Isa) like a bill ever since i was in my 20s and cutting the cloth of my lifestyle accordingly. This meant massive sacrifices sometimes - eg we’ve never had a large house, old cars,when we were going through ivf we heavily restricted our spends on anything else including holidays, no takeaways or meals out unless for special occasions (I’ve relaxed this recently to include a weekly trip to McDonalds for DS).

But with inflation and gas / council tax rises even I’ll need to do something to be able to keep saving. I’m about to jump ship from my job go and chase the money for a while - have lined up interviews for roles that pay 10-20k more than what I earn. Is that an option for you?

Depends so much on your choices prior, I'm only 5 years older and mortgage free so no I don't have these issues, but chose a smaller house to be mortgage free. We don't borrow for anything instead save up and all kids are adults.

@Ozanj no, finding a job that pays £20k more isn't an option, sadly! I have one of those ridiculous jobs that you need to be highly qualified for, but doesn't pay very well (comparatively). Husband is the same - public sector ' 'helping others' jobs with no opportunity to make a leap like that. I live in rural north Wales, so chasing the money is limited here!

On the bright side I'm working from home today and can swim in a waterfall on my lunch break. Got to keep the positives firmly in mind!

I find this really surprising I’m afraid. Two adults in full time professional work living in a cheap part of the country in their forties should not be living pay check to pay check.

Can you trace back when it went wrong? Is it that all your savings went on a mortgage deposit and move-in/furnishing costs and you never built them back up?

Were you in the habit of saving from the moment you started earning?

Have you had years of very low wage while in Professional training or something?

Was your mortgage properly affordable or did you over-stretch yourselves?

Were you OK before food and energy prices went up?

Frankly, this does not sound at all like a “middle income” job lifestyle at all. Are you over-stating what you earn? How does it compare to NMW?

I just noticed you have an adult son yet you are only 44. Sounds like you had kids pretty young then, did that interfere with your earnings and consequent ability to save? Most graduates would not be having kids in their mid twenties.

Agree. I am a single parent with what looks like on paper a very impressive job and I have next to no savings. I live in a small house (but expensive part of the country), drive an old car, holiday with family, hardly ever put the heating on etc. We are fine and have a nice life, but I wish life was easier financially.

Preach sister! DH and I on ok salaries not massive but what should be quite comfortable.
I suppose we are managing but at nearly 50 I thought I would have some savings.
Yes decent enough house in nice area but the house needs lots doing as it's all been done DIY or 15 years old now.
I'd love to replace bedroom carpets but no savings.
Food seems to be 140 or more a week for 4 and 2 cats. We don't eat out much.
I'm just tired of feeling the squeeze for 20 years.
When the kids are flown the nest I would definitely consider downsizing or moving to be mortgage free.

@TimeandMotion yes I had my first very young. Reckon that's where the problem started 😁

This is the squeezed middle, the people that have worked hard to achieve Uni, doing jobs that on paper that 20 years ago would have a very different life.

That pay huge taxes that are worse off all round.

Why do people keep suggesting insurance for household problems? Leaking roofs aren't covered by insurance! Insurance covers one-off events, not ongoing maintenance and normal wear and tear.

Yep. It must be a nightmare working in the claims team of a home insurer with so many people not understanding how the policies work.

No, but I don't have children

I see a lot of peers struggling to pay for the basics though, I can't imagine how stressful it must be.

@ilovebagpuss I hope yours flies the nest more cheaply than mine did! Mine had 2 failed years at uni in London (cost) moved back home (cost) and now is moving to another city (cost). I'm sure I didn't cost my parents anything when I was his age! But that is another thread...

Hang in there and hope things get easier

I am a graduate and a 'senior manager'.

All my money is going on saving for house repairs. I have an old house with an ageing roof and worries it will start leaking so I scrimp and save like mad every month for that so I have some savings but can't touch them. They are purely for the house.

No money for any holiday, no car either or socialising.

I buy only second hand clothes & furniture if needed, started growing my own fruits/vegs.

Everything I earn goes on council tax, utility bills and general essential food/products.

The cost of living, Brexit and this government have damaged many people standards of living which in turn is bad for the economy as people don't have anything left to spend.

I am job hunting to improve my situation as I can no longer justify the average pay and poor conditions I am getting (charity sector).

Insurance often does not pay for things like this, only for the damage that a leaky roof might cause as they will say it is just normal/expected wear and tear depending on the age of the property and roof. It is different if a roof gets blown off by a freak event like a storm. Indeed they don't pay for drain replacement or to replace old lead pipes either....

I have had a lot of health issues and surgeries in the past 10 years and that has affected by ability to work to a degree. Some of the people on this thread sound a bit smug and suggest people struggling is due to poor planning but you never know what unexpected hardship life will throw at you....

The point is people in employment should be able to afford a decent standard of living in a rich western country.

I am so sorry to hear this. I think things were different for us (we’re mid-late 50s, rather than 40s). I think the cost of housing rose massively shortly after we got on the property ladder, which I suspect may be the root of a lot of financial pressure for people in their 40s and younger. Many years ago I read an article about people getting on the property ladder, and it suggested that, in the future, those couples who were double-income-no-kids for at least ten years (before kids) and who saved / paid down their mortgage as much as they could during this period, would be the ones who would be able to live comfortably.

And I do not want this to be taken the wrong way at all, but I feel sad that media / culture promotes a very glossy, have-it-all lifestyle that people feel they have to conform to. We are constantly bombarded with images and messages about new consumer items / lifestyles, and I suspect it leads to a lot of unhappiness and pressure. Our car (bought secondhand in 2010) is now 16 years old, looks a bit battered, but still does the job, we buy mobile phones secondhand and have the cheapest sim-only contracts, we do UK self-catering holidays, we buy our ‘new’ furniture secondhand from ebay / gumtree, I home-dye my hair. And shop in Lidl / Iceland ;) When I do feel sad that my car has some dints and dents (and find myself yearning for a new one) I have to give myself a shake and remind myself that it is actually more sustainable not to ‘consume’ new products (eg a new car, which may be electric / cleaner) but to use the old one until it is no longer working.

At 44, we would've had to juggle an unexpected expense.

3 years ago moved job, better salary, career progression, hence even better salary. Now touching 50, yeah can cover a large expense.

Increase in salary was the answer.

Two teens who are expensive but worth every penny, for us, our lives would be so much poorer in all ways, except cash, without them. So we don't mind paying for them. Actually it's a privilege.

Yup. The kids and the home are where my money goes, but I do realise how incredibly lucky I am to have them.

The point is people in employment should be able to afford a decent standard of living in a rich western country.

I suppose it depends what you mean by decent standard of living. Many things we expect as standard would have been considered luxuries not all that long ago.

I’m not in the position but have been sensible and boring since 20, something that gets criticised a lot on here, however I can see how easily this would not be the case.

I have always looked for the cheaper option for things, never had cars on expensive finance where you swap, I took out a normal loan over 5 years and then run them until they die, not always an option for everyone, but if you don’t do much driving definitely a way of saving money. Things like someone above said their fence blew down and it was 2k to repair - same happened to us but we spent £200 replacing it with a hedge that we planted ourselves instead , yes we could see the neighbours through it for a couple of years while it filled out, but that was an easy sacrifice to make for having £1800 in my bank and not a fencers.

On money, some of it is luck (and luck and privilege should never be underestimated) of your circumstances, some of it is mindset and rejecting ‘glossy capitalist expectations’ like perfect homes, or ‘just enjoy your 20s’ etc. I know a few 35 year olds who enjoyed their twenties who wasted years of earning reasonably well before the COL crisis who now really regret it.