I’m upset my teenager won’t take this great opportunity?

[MrsCherryCrest]

My DS (early teens) has been offered a great career opportunity that he’s refusing to take and I’m trying not to fall out with him over it.

I don’t want to say what it is as it’ll be too outing but it’s a chance to get some free experience that could lead him down the road to a well paid career. I work but I’m a sole parent and don’t have a lot of money so I can’t afford to support him if he goes to college or uni etc when he’s older.

This would be one night a week for a few years where he’d learn skills, build a network and increase his confidence. He feels he does enough with the two hobbies he has, and doesn’t want to do any more. We’ve talked it through and I can’t talk him around.

I’m so disappointed. I don’t want him to end up like me, stuck working in a low paid job, because I know it’s harder to get a well paid job when you don’t have the financial support or network benefits to open the right doors.

Has anyone had to watch their child throw away an amazing opportunity?

Well you haven't given enough information for us to offer an opinion. What on earth leads to a career for 1 night a week for a 13(?) year old?
But, on the information you have given, your teen clearly isn't interested in this potential career. Which is fair enough.
You seem to be loading an awful lot of significance/pressure on to this.

Can’t comment without knowing what it is
and depends - is he thirteen or sixteen
he clearly doesn’t think it’s a great opportunity

He’s early teens. He doesn’t need ‘career opportunities’. I think it’s natural to want our children to have better than we had, but please let him be a child. There’s no decision he makes in his early teens that will set his future in stone.

Networking? Leading him on the path to a great career? In early teens? It's not impossible, but it's not likely. He's a child. Let him enjoy his free time while he can. "Build his confidence" means nothing - he has other activities (ones he presumably actually wants to do!). He has the confidence to stand up for himself and say he doesn't want to do this.

Sorry to be blunt, but you will need to find a way to support him in post-16 education e.g. college, which is now compulsory. You'll still get child benefit, etc. Yes, he may be able to work alongside college, or he may choose an apprenticeship etc, but it would be really unfair to deny him the chance to do A-levels if that's what he wants (for example).

At 13ish, he doesn't need to be thinking about job opportunities.

13-14? I’d not be worrying about nebulous ‘career opportunities’ just yet.

The opportunities that are most likely to be successful are the ones they want to do.

I’d bribe him to complete 3 months with the agreement he can drop it at 3 months.

They need to be in education, employment or training at 16.

Practically, the biggest responsibility is on local authorities to ensure that the opportunities for education and training are there for all young people

Op, I understand. I can think of a few industries where opportunities come along for young people. I know teenagers making good money from refereeing or in creative industries.

To a degree, a lot of the lucky breaks in life come down to being in the right place at the right time but also recognising and grabbing that opportunity. 13 is young for that though.
Hopefully there'll be other opportunities in his future.

At 13 DD was desperate to be a vet or anything animal science related. She wanted to pinpoint her GCSE choices towards this. Did volunteer at her riding stable, wanted to help at an animal sanctuary.

She is now 16 and in Y12 - looking at unis for a history degree.

At 13 most teens have no real idea what they want to do and are definitely not interested in networking and connections.

Lots of students rely on student loans and working part time to finance a university degree. I doubt the majority are having their uni years paid in full by their parents.

He should do some form of degree, be it apprenticeship, apprenticeship degree, uni or whatever. That will bring him more for his future than any experience he may gain at the moment.

Agree with this. Hard to understand what this great career will be from one night a week. He's not interested so leave it, you'll just push him away by forcing him.

Is it a career he wants?

It's hard to judge from your post how significant an opportunity it is tbh.

He's young for committing to a specific career. It's his life, ultimately. If he isn't passionate about it, he's unlikely to be the candidate they want.

These sorts of ‘opportunities’ often come up in drama, sport or music. I add the inverted commas because regardless of whether they’re taken or not, the chance of building a sustainable career in these fields is akin to winning the Euromillions jackpot.

If this is the case for the OP, her DS is clearly more switched on and realistic than she is.

Maybe you think it is a great career opportunity. Maybe it could be, but only if he actually wanted to do it. He doesn't.

He's obviously not interested enough in (whatever it is) that he wants to spend his free time doing it.

How old is he? 13 years old? 14? It's very early to start a career.
Maybe he thinks focusing on his school work is enough right now?

Unless we know what the opportunity is .. local charity shop volunteer or UNESCO then it's impossible to comment.

On the basis of your post... it sounds like you're wanting him to decide that your way is best.

Cadets?
If so, he can join later.

You can't force someone into a career just because you've found some work experience for them!!
I'm afraid I'm on his side on this one.
He can get loans for uni and take a year out to save up before he goes if that's what he wants to do.
Or a proper paid apprenticeship in something he is actually interested in.

Gosh OP, he’s only 13 - back off!! I would be genuinely amazed if his career aspirations are still the same aged 18.. a lot changes in 5 years.

My Ds is (17 ) giving up college for apprenticeship if he can find one . It’s what he wants to do . Financially I will be worse of as I lose his £7 a week cms from his dad 🙄, I will have to pay nearly £400 a year council tax as I no longer will be eligible for single person occupancy , and lose UC for his care …. So actually college is financially better for me than him working . He won’t be on a great income to supplement that loss.

A boy in my village turned down a professional football career, he was at the local Academy and being scouted by Juventus.
how do you think his single Mum feels.

It’s not a child’s responsibility to prop up their parents. His mum’s feelings aren’t what matters - it’s his life to do what he wants with

If it is something he really wanted to do he would find the time and energy for it, so I'm guessing he isn't that keen on it.

I understand why you are upset, but remember it's his life and not yours. I would have liked my adult children to have got their A levels and gone on to University. Also to have got married to the fathers of their children. Neither of those things has happened. One has gone on to study while at work and is now quite senior. The other is happy in quite a good job. They both have good, stable personal relationships. There is no guarantee things would have turned out any better had they gone down the path I wanted for them.

Yes of course, I’m not suggesting that but at the same time a parent would not be serving someone well by taking easily come easy go to a Juve contact.

Yanbu op, I'd stop paying for/cancel one if his hobbies then he'll have plenty of time for it.

Sometimes you have to be the parent and tell then what to do for their own good.