I'm concerned for my family's health, please help

[concernedchild]

I'm in my early 20's. I live with my parents who are older (60's and 70's). We are constantly poorly due to my younger family members (not siblings) constantly bringing bugs into the house.

We've been sick for four weeks now. We're constantly unwell. We're all overweight and need to change but I have no clue where to start. It all seems so overwhelming. Everything seems to be something that makes you unwell. Please, where do I start??? How do I make sure we're all healthy?

Posting in here as it's more active and I think I'll get some advice

OK, so you have a a first degree in Law or if in a different discipline, also a law conversion course. If you have a training contract you probably got at least a 2:1. Congratulations on getting a training contract.

As a trainee solicitor at a local firm you should be on £30ish. You should be able to afford a room in a shared house, even in or around London.

I am afraid this doesn't stack for me. You have a problem with mould and are perplexed about the reasons. You say you are unhealthy and overweight, but give no details. You need advice re diet and can't google healthy eating.

With the best will in the world I think all trainee solicitors could sort this out in a nano second.

I am not working in London. I earn around £18k a year.

I cannot afford even a house share where I live.

I don't really want to share my weight because I am calorie counting. If it really matters I am 19 stone 12. I am five foot four/five, depending who measures me. I cannot afford expensive mould cleaners or dehumidifiers. I cannot force my parents to make alterations to their house.

Cue all the shocked posts that I am absolutely disgusting because I am obese. I am aware of that fact. I am seeking help with my weight and I am slowly losing weight.

Mould cleaners are under a tenner on Amazon.

£18k should net you just shy of about £1350/£1400. How much are you contributing to your parents' for board & lodgings? Have you actually got a formal training contract?

Your weight is dangerously high. Suggest:

Fage 0% Yoghurt, 2 tbs, dsp bran, dsp chopped nuts, bit of fresh fruit. Every morning.

Midmorning: satsuma

Lunches: cottage cheese, sardines, chicken breast, tuna or egg with salad - every day. Apple and some grapes.

Mid afternoon: satsuma

Dinner: grilled salmon, other white fish, vegetables or salad, small serving of new potatoes or wholegrain rice. Chopped chicken breast and mushrooms, paprika, lemon juice, cpl tbs of quark with brown rice and green veg. Turkey bol. Bean casserole: red pepper, onion, courgettes, aubergine, tin of Tom's (or two), add a couple of cans of pulses (can ha e it for lunch too)

Pud is a piece of fresh fruit.

Portions shouldn't be bigger than a breakfast plate or v small dinner plate.

No booze, no sweet stuff, no crisps.

Should get 2lb a week off.

Well done. You have recognised your challenges and are trying to overcome them. You are not disgusting. You are just one of many who have been tricked by a profit driven food industry into eating addictive food. Keep going. You are a trainee solicitor, a difficult job to land and I wish you every success.

I don't need your tone. Thank you.

There do seem to be some obvious solutions to some of these problems that you aren't taking on board

Jesus she's just written a diet plan for you? Do you speak to people like this at work?

Op I have been your weight and I felt bloody awful physically. The good thing is that you are young and intelligent and know that you need to change things.

I started to walk lots. If you feel embarrassed use a walking video from YouTube and do it indoors. I also cut right back on calories. You will be eating a lot at the moment (this isn't a criticism, it's a fact). Cut out the unhealthy snacks as a starter and see how that helps.

Good luck 😁

Thank you. I definitely notice a difference in my eating patterns when I've been eating more ultra processed food than whole foods. It's insane how it's even allowed

It's the tone. I am aware of my weight struggles. I am aware that I am unhealthy. But I don't think that being talked down will help me in any way at all

Hi OP. You do sound like you're really down about this, I'm sorry, and I'm not surprised either. When things are so overwhelming it can seem impossible to know where to start and we can feel completely paralysed.

When I get times like this I have to just choose one thing, and one thing only, to start with.

Either of these a useful start?

Re mould:
Buy a plant spray and fill with a dilute solution of bleach, or vinegar. Keep (out of reach of visiting kids!!! ) in your room, along with a kitchen roll. Every morning, two squirts on the mould and wipe area. Crack your bedroom open a little and shut bedroom door before you go to work. Put used kitchen roll in outside bin if there is one or a closed one in the kitchen. Away from your room anyway.

Re snacking:
Can you ask parents to keep the snacks in a new place you don't know about? It would be MUCH more helpful if they could stop having them in at all, but that's a bit of a hill to climb at the moment for you and you have more power over your actions than theirs. Could you chop some carrots into batons and keep them in a tupperware box in the fridge as an alternative?

I'm just so fed up. Feel like I've got a chest infection now and I feel like a bag of crap, I've been poorly for so long. When I feel like this I don't want to go to the gym or bother to cook or do anything. I just want it all to go away

I get you're fed up. I really do. Tbh, you sound depressed - could this be contributing?
But anyway, choose ONE thing to change this week. I'd go for the mould personally, much easier to achieve than the eating.
I think @RosesAndHellebores advice was sound and well meant btw.
Good luck.

I definitely could be depressed. When I'm eating right and able to go to the gym I feel 10000 times better. But when I'm poorly like I am now it's just so hard to motivate myself to do anything and I feel shit about myself in every way

Can you afford to chip in with your parents and order from hello fresh? Do that for a month, keep your fav recipes then cancel it and make them yourself.

There is research suggesting a link with the gut and mental health - so remember what you put into your tummy affects your thoughts. It’s so true. Walking for ten minutes also does wonders.

Sadly it’s self help, anti depressants or utter misery!

id do the healthy eating, Fitbit route if I were you oh and join a dating site maybe?

I too think that the post by @RosesAndHellebores was sound and well intentioned.

Your current living situation is making you ill and depressed, and you'd probably benefit from moving out. You are on a low salary, but so are many others your age. It should be enough for a houseshare and gym membership.

As for your weight, cut out snacks and try intermittent fasting. Only eat unprocessed food and read e.g. The Sugar Solution and/or Ultraprocessed People. Lots of vegetables (steamed, roasted or stir-fry), moderate amounts of lean protein (chicken, fish, eggs), small amounts of complex carbs (lentils, starchy vegetables), healthy fats/nuts, dairy (Greek yoghurt).

Exercise: start off with Lucy Wyndham Read and Rebecca Louise, progress to Growingannanas, Heather Robertson and Sydney Cummings, and aim for Caroline Girvan. All free on YouTube. You'll need 3-5kg dumbbells to start with.

Don't forget friendships and hobbies! Meet-up groups can be a great way to meet people. Reading, podcasts, learning stuff - lots of ways to engage and challenge yourself.

And remember how to eat an elephant - one bite at a time. You'll feel so much better within a matter of weeks, and one year from now you'll be a different person.

Just saw your post about depression. Maybe consider short term antidepressants to help you get out of your current situation?

I'm not making excuses, I am really unwell. I have been for a while. One doctor I saw thinks it could be chronic. I am trying my hardest. I've lost a stone so far this year. About 4.5 stone from my absolute heaviest when I was very mentally unwell. I'm trying

Apologies if this has already been suggested, but do you have a carbon monoxide alarm in the house, and is it definitely working?

We do, I think so, it's in the lounge (by the fire)

Maybe press the test button if it has one, or change the batteries just in case?

We test it pretty regularly, I don't think my symptoms really fit CO poisoning - it's continual infections (mostly sinus infections) that don't seem to clear up

Good luck with that