Currently hiding in the bathroom crying ...

[fishfishandmorefish]

It's mother's day. I'm a mum. DH and teen DC at home. I got nothing just a card (am I being ungrateful?). I mostly spent the day alone, except for seeing my parents. Cooked dinner for DC. Currently have uniform washing.
Brought my mum chocs, flowers & afternoon tea (she went with my dad, my dad needed the treat more than I did). Think my mum was a bit taken back when she asked what I got and I said nothing. Not even any fuss or "time off" from the usual grind. DH watched football at home all afternoon, he took over the whole living room and firmly Closed the door for it. IMO He's now drunk (says he's not but he's had 10 cans of beer).
Back to the grid tomorrow. Me 46hr week. DH 36hrs. I do 10hrs a week overtime for extra cash.

My period is due, maybe that's why I'm emotional tonight. Just needed to get it off my chest
Thanks for reading x

I do so much for all of them. All of the house/ life admin and cleaning/sorting and all the admin for my sons appts as he has a lot of medical needs. Think my youngest has realised tonight that I'm sad about today.
Feeling sorry for myself.

What does your h usually do for eg Mother's Day? And your dc? Is this a typical pattern of events or are they usually better than that?

He put you in a situation where you couldn't win.

If you had told him what was on your mind he would have called you entitled or whiny. When you wouldn't engage he said you were looking for an argument.

Is this a normal pattern with him?

And does he usually drink that much?

I have to tell mine wha I want.

@upinaballoon

a million years ago with a (now ex) partner I went (as a last ditch attempt) to see a counsellor. One week he advised using 'I' statements, so I did...

EXDP said 'it's not all about you'

🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️

Your H is an absolute arsehole. I think your problems are beyond Mothers Day disappointment.

Why does he not do extra overtime like you do? Why does he not pick up domestic duties to compensate for your longer working week?

He is a horrible example for your teens

If they have a history of this I'd wake up, declare as it's Mothers Day you are taking the day off and they can sort meals and laundry.
Frankly I couldn't stay with a man that treated me like that.

Pity party for one here too: DH was off seeing his mum for the weekend in Devon. I have 2 sick kids. Woke up, they'd made me handmade cards (well, sort of, pieces of folded paper with Happy Mothers Day scratched on it , I'll take it I guess!) My parents had bought chocolates and vouchers for them to gift to me. No card from DH, no flowers, barely a mention. Came home this evening empty handed. In the meantime I've spent hours cooking, cleaning, laundry, organising etc. Now putting 2 sick kids to bed and thinking of starting work given that they'll almost certainly be off school tomorrow so I won't get anything done. I've tried the whole gratitude thing, but it's not made me feel better today!

Horrible isn’t it. My first Mother’s Day I just thought my husband would have done something.
It wouldn’t have taken too much effort he could have ordered a card online or there is a card shop by the train station or when we went shopping the other day said I’ll meet you at the car.
So disappointed.

A million years ago it was a counsellor who told me to say 'I', not 'you'. 😃

I was the exact same earlier today OP. My kids are 8 & 10 and made cards and gave me a gift but the day has just been a bit crappy. My husband was working all day which was unavoidable but it would have been nice to have a bit of a fuss made of me, or the prospect of a fuss being made. My mum died a few years ago and while I don’t usually dwell on it today I’ve really missed her, by the time my husband got home I had to lock myself in the bathroom - thankfully he could tell and took the kids out to see his mum for an hour.

Your husband sounds awful OP. I'm so sorry. It's up to you whether you accept it or not. I'd rather be on my own than with someone like that, but we're all different.

I'm sorry Op, mine was shit too.
It's my first one without my mum. My Dh asked me to buy his mum a card and present yesterday.
He has basically been a dick all day. I fucked off for a few hours with my sister. Came home and had a nap on the couch and made dinner.

You had cards, you had something from your kids from your parents and you still want more.
Fgs.

FFS ten cans on MD, what an absolute knob.

Your partner is a useless pisshead.

My H treated today very similarly, OP. I hit the roof. He's spending the night at his parents'.

Sorry you had a rubbish day. But guess what - what goes around comes around 😁. Father's Day is round the corner so you can put in zero effort too. That's my new tactic 👍

Nothing here either. In fact, my oldest who is staying at her dad's didn't even text. I know it's "a made up holiday" but it's broken my heart. I'm not ok.

One of the problems with special days like mother's day and birthdays is they shine a spotlight on issues in our relationships. I started getting a takeaway on those days so at least I didn't have to cook. My XH used to sabotage those days, it's hard OP and I hear you on that.

The oft floated put n zero effort for father's day isn't the same, because you'll still be doing all the chores and cooking and DH will sit on his arse and drink beer and I expect be perfectly happy about the day.

Sorry to hear you are feeling sad. I know it wont help you feel better but I got nothing either but luckily for me it doesn’t really bother me. I also do absolutely everything. As it happens I had a cup of tea outside today with a friend, maybe you could try to see things in a different way next year, so, you know its coming but you know they wont do much to acknowledge it so do something nice for yourself (or on any day, doesn’t have to be Mother’s Day).

Your husband is an alcoholic cunt.

'I' statements won't make a blind bit of difference if the person you're trying to get through to has drunk 10 pints of beer. No point whatsoever trying to engage with him until he is sober. And if this is something he does often, he is drinking far too much, is a deeply unpleasant drunk and I think you should seriously consider divorce .

Personally I would not have made dinner. Teen DC should be able to knock up something. As for your DH (or not so D) I would not let him take over the living room all afternoon. Or I would have gone out somewhere. I think an earlier comment is right on the money. These special occasion days really highlight issues in relationships as you can bet these men who make zero effort for their partners then are also useless for the other 364 days a year. I know it is difficult but I would seriously think of leaving a man like that. He sounds like he is an alcoholic too.

What a poor excuse for a partner and dad. He should be making the kids do something nice for you, to show how much you are loved and appreciated.

I know it’s a made up holiday, yada yada, but he’s their role model, and he’s a shit one!