Can we talk about my office drama

[blCkmagic]

I used to work with a man - we got along and then he left. Fast forward 3 years and we have both been promoted into “senior” roles in our respective companies and in a twist, now work at the same office building again.

We arranged a date - nothing has happened yet just flirty conversation.

He went out for drinks with his colleagues this week and ended up punching 2 of them - I wasn’t there, don’t know exactly what happened. He injured a female colleague when one of the males fell into her & was mouthing off at the bouncer and refusing to back down. I’d be surprised if he doesn’t get sacked.

He wants emotional support from me. He is super apologetic. Drink was involved. I have the ick.

aibu to want to cancel the date and distance myself from him? How do I approach this? He’s never struck me as violent before this, you never know how someone might react.

Yeah I'd say you've decided mixing work and pleasure isn't for you.

Yeah that's a hard no.

"sorry but on reflection I don't think it's a great idea for us to date, what with work and everything. Soz, coffee next week as friends?"

Then after coffee (coffee is to smooth any hard feelings as you have to work together) just always be unfortunately busy.

I wouldn't go for coffee. Not if he's under investigation at work.

Why? She's not his boss and it's different companies?

yes tbh I only know about this cause he told me, I wouldn’t be privy to investigations or confidentiality etc.

Because he’s just assaulted someone?!

This could work, we have a coffee shop in office.

It’s just such a strange set of events, punching multiple colleagues? I can’t actually fathom

Oh god I didn’t think about the criminal angle! Police could even be involved.

I’d be pretty blunt and send a brief message that his behaviour is appalling and you have no desire to maintain any relationship with someone who has violent outbursts.

If you want to go the innocent til proven guilty route that's up to you. But you don't have to

Exactly. And frankly I'd hope they are.

This would be a no for any future date.

The fact he is now coming to you for woe is me support is even worse.

I don't care the situation. There is never a need for violence. Steer clear OP.

I wouldn't even be having coffee now. You're involved with him yet so it's easy enough to back out now.

Thanks - sorry I meant earlier that I’m struggling to fathom the randomness of it all!

if you met him, you wouldn’t think he’s a violent person - I guess you never really know someone! I could understand getting in a mutual fight once, but instead it seems he randomly attacked multiple people. It’s scary.

He’s constantly messaging me updates on this - I’m just not interested or wanting to get involved.

I’m hoping as he’s worried about being sacked, he won’t care too much about me leaving him to get on with it alone. Then again he might get pissy.

He wants emotional support from me.
Of course he does. He wants mummy to say "there, there, did the nasty man upset you (where you just had to assault two people, injure a third, and be verbally aggressive to someone who is paid to calm things down).

That would be a no from me. Even if the police weren't involved, or HR.

Also if you knew where we worked, you’d realise why his outburst is so absurd. Definitely a profession where people should know better. Could be something that ends up in the press

I'd just give him the old "I don't think this is going to work out" and then block him. You don't need updates on this, you don't actually work together so don't need to communicate for that, byeeeeee.

Honestly I think you need to nip this is the bud right away.

Don't meet him for coffee or reply to his texts. Just say something like you can't get involved (maybe due to work environment or something).

Many many people don't appear violent until they are. Please take it from someone who has been subjected alcohol fuelled rages, aggression and worse. Walk away now while it is simple to do so. He will drain you otherwise.

Yes I will, thanks for posting. I’ve blocked him and hope that will be the end of it.

I don’t know what he was thinking. He’s completely ruined his life, if he’s sacked or convicted he can’t work in our industry again.

Not sure id just go from hero to zero like that and block him. I’d do the slow fade, don’t respond to any messages for 24 hours. Then say sorry missed these was out. Nothing further. Then make it 48 hours and so on

and only as he is violent and you work in the same building.

Thanks. Luckily we shouldn’t run into each other at work, it’s a huge building and he needs access to my part, we usually have to arrange meet ups in advance. I doubt I’m his biggest concern at work - he’s presumably more worried about his immediate team/management/people he assaulted. I doubt I’m the only person who has distanced themselves

Take care

You don't have to soften the blow for his sensitivities and make up a lie about not wanting to mix dating and work. Just tell him you're not interesting in dating anyone who assaults people, whether or not they've had a few drinks. Yuck.

Blocking seems a bit extreme at this point in time, but you need to be honest with him that you're not interested in going out with someone with violent tendencies. That's it.

It doesn't matter that he works for a different organisation.

Mud sticks. Don't go for coffee with him.