How to sift out dates who only want me for my looks

[SquishyElbows]

I'm newly divorced and would like to date again. There's no area in my life that I meet new people regularly so online dating it is. I can't talk about this in real life and I'm sure I'll get some back lash for saying this but I have a conventionally pretty face and look young for my age and I feel like the way dating sites are set up it just lends itself to people just going for looks.

Obviously I want to avoid men that only value me for my looks so how do I go about this...

A) take an unflattering or maybe just slightly blurry pic of myself

B) put up with knowing that I'll attract a lot of men who are just shallow

C) something else?

Um... I think most men are shallow arseholes

So you're going to attract them anyway...

Just use a casual everyday photo not a dressed up one. That makes a difference.

🙄

Objectively though surely that first match is based on looks for everybody, and it will be through messaging that you weed out the unsuitable guys?

Maybe instead of focusing on the photo you could think on what questions will best draw out whether you share the same values? Just seems a shame to essentially tighten your net at the first stage.

Just put a bag over your head.

Just have a nice, normal photo up. Nothing wrong with being pretty. Yes you'll get more interest but you filter out the men you have nothing in common with. Looks only go so far. It's who you are as a person that will be most attractive. I wouldn't overthink it.

Upload a photo of Ronan Keating.

Upload an everyday regular photo of yourself. No make up/not going out dressed up etc.

you can’t help who you attract but you can make your bio well filled in and see who has actually read it, or has similar interests by the questions they ask. This should help you filter who is really interested in you and block all idiots at the first sign of otherwise

I know exactly what you mean.

I think you just have to be very wary about whether they seem to be genuinely interested in a conversation with you and particularly whether they skip that and ask to meet up very quickly.

If someone asks me to meet up after exchanging a few sentences, I bin them off. The only possible information they could have at that stage is my looks so that's an instant unmatch.

Is that you Samantha Brick?

Fake wart glued to your nose on first dates?

Yeah how dare women be aware of being attractive? Better kick any confidence out of them quickly 🙄😑

Do what I do when my ex is dropping my child back & I’m keen not to give him any ideas…massive oodie on, bit of food stuck on the side of your mouth, don’t brush your hair & don’t put make-up on.

Failing that, just take a normal
pic & spend lots of time sifting out the (many I’m told) shallow men that either want a Margot Robbie, a prostitute, a cook/cleaner or a babysitter.

Goid luck!

Like this, look:

Isn’t everyone who uses online dating choosing based on looks? There’s little else to go on.

I’d document how genuinely interesting I am, probably scribble my face out of photos.

I am currently using a no-make-up, overexposed summer head-and-shoulders selfie (unedited pic) with a slight sunburn on my cheeks for OLD for this reason! Some still wanna swap numbers too quickly or meet. Those who mention 'snogging' 'touching' and wanting a 'casual relationship' within a few messages get blocked immediately. It's an uphill battle.

😄

I would lead with this pic and then your bio

I’d not worry about the photos, you’re pretty and that’s great! More men to choose from. But I’d concentrate on what you write in your advert and be specific rather than generic about who you are and what you want. Pretty face + “I enjoy the cinema” or something bland = millions of shallow blokes trying it on. Pretty face + “I love Morris dancing and want a serious relationship” = fewer but probably better suited responses, if you see what I mean.

I upload all my qualifications, starting with Grade 1 BAGA Rhythmic Gymnastics and ending with 2024 GDPR work- based training.

That tends to filter out the MEN from the boys.

There's no area in my life that I meet new people regularly so online dating it is.

Could you change this?

If you can't/won't then you'll always get what you've always got because online dating isn't about to change any time soon.

It's literally like a home shopping catalogue of people.

Men are visual, they don't care about your soul or intellect. Especially on a first date.

This. Don't bother trying to filter out who swipes you. Just unmatch any sex talk or generic chat and only follow up on those who actually act interested in you as a person.

Online dating is a looksfest. If you are good looking you will be deluged. Most nice men want looks and personality, so being good looking will benefit you in having more choice, but God, you'll have to sift. Try meeting people in real life too as online dating is a very odd world and it's nice to meet real people and find a more natural spark if you can (e.g. MeetUp).