Evidence of a wank, would you mention to DH?

[notquitesurewhat]

I came home this afternoon and found a mound of wet tissues on my nightstand, quite obvious what it was from! I am usually WFH and otherwise home with our DS (14 mos). DH is also WFH.

My libido is in the ground since DS was born and I’m not at all bothered about DH having a wank. I can count on one hand the times we’ve had sex in the last year (it’s quite painful for me since birth). But DH is quite patient and never presses me for sex or makes me feel guilty, still is affectionate with me without expecting it will lead to sex. So I’m glad he could take care of his needs whilst he had an afternoon to himself. I’m sure he does other times but just hasn’t left the evidence around.

Would you mention that you tidied up the nightstands to your DH? My instinct is not to say anything as I reckon he’d be mortified. But at the same time it was a bit gross and maybe he was trying to send some sort of message, or at the least it’s a way for me to discuss his sexual wants more?

I'd have to say something jokey like 'what did you get up to this afternoon then?' with a big grin on my face.

I wouldn't mention it if it had been on his bedside table, but because it was on yours, I might tell him that I had thrown them away, but only in a lighthearted tone. It may be he was making a point about the lack of sex, or it may have been just that he forgot. Even so you don't want clearing up his mess to be a habit.

Just leave the tissues under his pillow.

What I find oddest though is that any conversation is that difficult in a marriage. Just talk, I can't think of any subject that would be off limits with Dh.

I wouldn't view it as off limits, or a difficult conversation, more that it's not worth mentioning if generally speaking he's considerate and doesn't leave stuff (anything) around for someone else to clean up.

He should have got rid of the evidence but don't mention it. He sounds like he's being patient and kind, and so by not mentioning it you're doing the same in reverse

Yeah I would, but we have the kind of relationship where I could jokingly say "I cleaned up your wank rags earlier, that's a new low" and we would both laugh about it and it would be fine.

If you don't have that kind of relationship, probably don't say anything

I wouldn't mention it. It could cause embarrassment - and might open a can of worms that you'd rather not open!

It's a little unusual for someone not to tidy up after themselves until they are normally a filthy slob.

Is there a chance it could be his very clumsy, passive agressive way of prompting a conversation about your sex life?

I really like how op’s have mentioned being gracious. I concur - say nothing.

Unless it becomes a daily occurrence ( the not clearing up after self - not the wanking, obvs).

Google is free and easy to use.

Like most others, I’d be inclined to just leave it unless it happened again.

I wouldn't have moved them

Can’t believe you actually started a thread to tell millions of people your husband had a wank and left the tissues at the side and should you mention it.

i mean bloody hell.

“Ejaculating all over the curtains and kitchen worktops” 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Id be telling him to clean up his wanky hankys and be more fucking considerate in future, which doesnt mean leave them on my nightstand. but that's about it.

It depends.

Are you bothered that he had a wank or that he left the manky tissues?

Just ask him to tidy up his tissues but don’t make a big deal of it

I would say oi you wanker, clean that up.

I also don't know what a nightstand is either though.

Isn't a nightstand an American word? Maybe op is American.

I think if he's leaving wanky tissues on your nightstand to make a point about the lack of sex in your marriage, you have far bigger problems than him not cleaning up after himself! I would have to assume (and very much hope) that it was an accidental oversight and not mention it.

This scenario was exactly what was in my mind too.

yup.....may i suggest(lightheartedly)chanel/dress as...miss marple-or borrow hims suit n eyeliner a tash.. hit him with poirot..... THEN ...Reveal that he played it well "acting all considerate"and "gentle"almost swung at as non -pushy..til you found "evidence" requiring a clean up job. sorry for be flippant-no way would i be doin the babies/remove any kinda "wet"wipe for a man i couldnt mention it to---and NOT because its potential for "was youu think of me at all?"...

He is a wanker