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Original poster

DD age 11 hates school in year 6 - anxious, miserable, a shadow of her usual self

34 replies

treaaaaa · 08/03/2024 18:41

Just wondered if anyone has any thoughts. DD is a few months off finishing year 6 and currently hates it. Has always been happy at school and is bright and a nice kid, sociable, friendly.

Recently found out she was being bullied - we've addressed it and it's tapering off now, after many convos with teacher etc. I think it's affected her confidence though. She has a couple of closer friends and wider group of lesser friends.

Additionally to this she struggles with the pressures of school work (homework) and seems bored in lessons. Many of the kids in the class are not as bright as her, the class as a whole seems generally less able (I mean this with no malice, it's just a fact) and so she is finding lessons dull and unchallenging, as it's all geared towards the kids who are less able. Having asked for different work for her has not worked. Lessons are not being adapted nor different work provided. She does not seem to love the stricter nature of the year 6 teacher either (seems anxious about being told off if she can't do homework etc).

She just seems to hate school and finds it excruciatingly dull these days.

I have asked the teacher to look into potential neurodiversity, but am not sure it's a real issue here (she will report back in due course). The SENCO has so far been little help or support. A small amount of bubble time was provided but elicited nothing helpful so far.

Lots of imaginary aches and pains, anxiety about school and begging for days off. The whole thing seems like wading through treacle and I'm doing my best to liaise with the school and get it sorted but with four or five months to go it seems neverending. There's no opportunity to move class either.

Just wondered if anyone has any tips from their experience as to how to get through the last few months, what to say to school etc (having already spoken to them so many times). Just want my happy child back!

OP posts:
TeenDivided · 08/03/2024 18:51

If you are a SAHM I'd consider pulling her out to 'home school'.

Wheresthescissors · 08/03/2024 18:53

Why is school work too easy but homework too hard?

Dontcrymysweetpotato · 08/03/2024 18:55

No tips but my 11 year old is just the same. Simultaneously bored and overworked! I only hope that once SATS are over (9 weeks' time!) the teacher might be able to vary the lessons a bit. This year has been such a slog.

HanaJane · 08/03/2024 18:57

Just hang on in there I think. She is probably more than ready for secondary school and might find things easier once there where she will be more challenged with the work and have the opportunity to make new friends and hopefully join some clubs that interest her

JassyRadlett · 08/03/2024 19:01

Year 6 is a horrible year. Two thirds of it is just a boring slog of SATS prep, the teachers are constantly trying to "get them ready" for secondary and partly scaring them silly in the process. My DS was really difficult through Y6 and the summer after.

Within a month of Y7 it was like he'd had a total personality change, he was much happier and so much nicer to live with. I think a large part of it is that he's fairly bright, was bored to sobs in Y6 as it's almost exclusively repetitive English and maths prep for SATS, homework was more SATS prep, and he just zoned out/disengaged/was frustrated. Lots of parents evening comments from teachers about him needing to learn not to be distracted/keep paying attention etc.

We've just had our first Year 7 parents evening and it was so different. He's absolutely thriving because he's doing more challenging stuff, being taught by subject matter experts who have an incentive to really stretch him rather than just getting everyone to the expected level.

Skiphopbump · 08/03/2024 19:02

By year 6 they are ready to move on, they also get fed up of working towards the SATs. Then after the SATs they are just waiting for school to be over but are also anxious about it.

Lemonademoney · 08/03/2024 19:04

To echo others, Year 6 is a hard year… she sounds ready for the next stage. It’s a lot of repetition and slog as they try to get everyone through to the end of year SATs. Hopefully the challenge of secondary will reignite her enthusiasm.

Original poster
treaaaaa · 08/03/2024 19:42

Wheresthescissors · 08/03/2024 18:53

Why is school work too easy but homework too hard?

I think it's that she finds the homework boring and dull (rather than hard) and struggles to focus on it. Easily distracted and hates doing it! I think it's all linked in with what's going on at school as well.

I was the same.

It's part of the reason we asked school to look into neurodiversity (I think I may have low level ADHD and possibly she may too). But am keen not to overpathologise it in case it is nothing.

OP posts:
Original poster
treaaaaa · 08/03/2024 19:43

Thank you everyone - I am reassured it is a widely experienced thing that year 6 is no fun rather than just this end.

It does sound boring and tedious! We will hang in there.

It is just hard going in the interim. I do believe she will thrive at secondary.

OP posts:
Original poster
treaaaaa · 08/03/2024 19:45

JassyRadlett · 08/03/2024 19:01

Year 6 is a horrible year. Two thirds of it is just a boring slog of SATS prep, the teachers are constantly trying to "get them ready" for secondary and partly scaring them silly in the process. My DS was really difficult through Y6 and the summer after.

Within a month of Y7 it was like he'd had a total personality change, he was much happier and so much nicer to live with. I think a large part of it is that he's fairly bright, was bored to sobs in Y6 as it's almost exclusively repetitive English and maths prep for SATS, homework was more SATS prep, and he just zoned out/disengaged/was frustrated. Lots of parents evening comments from teachers about him needing to learn not to be distracted/keep paying attention etc.

We've just had our first Year 7 parents evening and it was so different. He's absolutely thriving because he's doing more challenging stuff, being taught by subject matter experts who have an incentive to really stretch him rather than just getting everyone to the expected level.

Edited

thank you! So pleased it worked out for your kid. I am so hopeful this will happen this end as well. The new school sounds engaging and I think she will thrive there.

The SATS prep sounds so dull for her at the moment.

OP posts:
Original poster
treaaaaa · 08/03/2024 19:46

TeenDivided · 08/03/2024 18:51

If you are a SAHM I'd consider pulling her out to 'home school'.

I have honestly considered this but as a LP it would be extra challenging as I WFH. If it gets too bad the next few weeks am potentially open to it as an absolute last resort.

OP posts:
Original poster
treaaaaa · 08/03/2024 19:48

Dontcrymysweetpotato · 08/03/2024 18:55

No tips but my 11 year old is just the same. Simultaneously bored and overworked! I only hope that once SATS are over (9 weeks' time!) the teacher might be able to vary the lessons a bit. This year has been such a slog.

Hang in there, solidarity. Hope your 11 year old is ok! Not long now.

OP posts:
cansu · 08/03/2024 19:50

If the homework is easy, she should get it done quickly and get on with something she is interested in. Can you get her involved in an after school club or involved in learning an instrument or a language? Over focusing on her complaints that school is boring will lead to more complaints about being bored. There are lots of things a bright child can do outside of school. I would focus on developing new skills and passions.

TheRainItRaineth · 08/03/2024 19:52

I really feel for you. DD was in exactly the same situation as a child who found school work very easy in a class that nearly all did not. She also suffered from some bullying behaviour and I had to go to the school about this more than once. SATs practice was absolutely awful and managed to be both terrifying and incredibly dull.

Y7 was a whole different kettle of fish. She absolutely blossomed.

I did actually ask DD if she wanted to leave because she was miserable and not learning anything, but she wanted to stay on for the play at the end of the summer term. We got through it.

Please be assured that it does get better. Y6 was absolutely the worst year of school for DD by miles (and I include GCSE year in that).

Paddingtonthebear · 08/03/2024 19:56

I have a DD in Y6 and it does sound very boring for them at the moment.

Original poster
treaaaaa · 08/03/2024 19:59

cansu · 08/03/2024 19:50

If the homework is easy, she should get it done quickly and get on with something she is interested in. Can you get her involved in an after school club or involved in learning an instrument or a language? Over focusing on her complaints that school is boring will lead to more complaints about being bored. There are lots of things a bright child can do outside of school. I would focus on developing new skills and passions.

Thank you this is good feedback and will definitely bear in mind.

With the homework I think it's a bit like pulling teeth for her! It's a bit odd and as I mentioned up thread can be hard to get her to focus on it. We're working on it.

She is actually learning an instrument though, and really loving it! Last few months all self taught, so maybe all that excess frustration is going somewhere good.

OP posts:
Original poster
treaaaaa · 08/03/2024 20:01

TheRainItRaineth · 08/03/2024 19:52

I really feel for you. DD was in exactly the same situation as a child who found school work very easy in a class that nearly all did not. She also suffered from some bullying behaviour and I had to go to the school about this more than once. SATs practice was absolutely awful and managed to be both terrifying and incredibly dull.

Y7 was a whole different kettle of fish. She absolutely blossomed.

I did actually ask DD if she wanted to leave because she was miserable and not learning anything, but she wanted to stay on for the play at the end of the summer term. We got through it.

Please be assured that it does get better. Y6 was absolutely the worst year of school for DD by miles (and I include GCSE year in that).

I am simultaneously sad and happy that this is the case. Sad that it can be so tough going for the kids, but reassured it's normal and will get better.

You're right I think it is a bit terrifying with all the pressure but also very dull! I think they also are a bit stricter in class, to prepare them for secondary, but not sure that is really helping.

If only they could make year 6 a more constructive year for all. I don't know much but from what I can gather SATS seem pretty bad for children as a whole, when school should be about learning and fun!

OP posts:
Kissmystarfish · 08/03/2024 20:02

treaaaaa · 08/03/2024 18:41

Just wondered if anyone has any thoughts. DD is a few months off finishing year 6 and currently hates it. Has always been happy at school and is bright and a nice kid, sociable, friendly.

Recently found out she was being bullied - we've addressed it and it's tapering off now, after many convos with teacher etc. I think it's affected her confidence though. She has a couple of closer friends and wider group of lesser friends.

Additionally to this she struggles with the pressures of school work (homework) and seems bored in lessons. Many of the kids in the class are not as bright as her, the class as a whole seems generally less able (I mean this with no malice, it's just a fact) and so she is finding lessons dull and unchallenging, as it's all geared towards the kids who are less able. Having asked for different work for her has not worked. Lessons are not being adapted nor different work provided. She does not seem to love the stricter nature of the year 6 teacher either (seems anxious about being told off if she can't do homework etc).

She just seems to hate school and finds it excruciatingly dull these days.

I have asked the teacher to look into potential neurodiversity, but am not sure it's a real issue here (she will report back in due course). The SENCO has so far been little help or support. A small amount of bubble time was provided but elicited nothing helpful so far.

Lots of imaginary aches and pains, anxiety about school and begging for days off. The whole thing seems like wading through treacle and I'm doing my best to liaise with the school and get it sorted but with four or five months to go it seems neverending. There's no opportunity to move class either.

Just wondered if anyone has any tips from their experience as to how to get through the last few months, what to say to school etc (having already spoken to them so many times). Just want my happy child back!

Yes. I’ve had this.

I took my child out of school completely

I home educate now and I’d never get her back into school

JassyRadlett · 08/03/2024 20:25

SATS are awful and they're the culmination of a primary system that incentivises delivering a middle-achieving cohort, and kids who are already at the required attainment level are more or less shelved as "job done".

I'already seeing it happening again with my Y3. He had a cracking start to the year as they had a new teacher who put them on tables based on ability, they were absolutely flying and challenging each other. SLT put a stop to it as apparently it's not the optimal way for the whole class. And I can totally understand that, and support that finite resources need to go to making sure no one gets left behind. I just wish there were also the resources to stretch the higher attainment children effectively. Youngest is already very frustrated in school. I'm dreading Year 6 with him.

JassyRadlett · 08/03/2024 20:29

Sorry, I feel like that rant has been building for a while!

Original poster
treaaaaa · 08/03/2024 20:33

@JassyRadlett sorry to hear about your y3! That sounds very frustrating.
I absolutely agree with you. I don't agree anybody should be left behind, but also it's just as unfair to the bright kids to hold them back so they are bored and disengaged. There must be a better solution.

OP posts:
Noicant · 08/03/2024 20:35

I would tell her to get on with her homework. She’s feeling anxious because her teacher is strict about homework (which he should be) but then doesn’t do it and puts herself in a situation where she is feeling anxiety about not having done it. Maybe you need to say that to her directly, some of her worry she has some direct control over.

Bullying would definitely have had an impact and I’m sorry she experienced that but she’s in the home stretch she just has to get through a few months and she’s done here.

LER83 · 08/03/2024 21:29

My dd hated year 6. There were some major friendship issues and fallings out, she was uninterested in the work as it was all geared towards SATs and we as parents couldn't give 2 hoots about them, and I generally think she had just outgrown primary by this stage. We basically were just counting down the days until she left! We just made sure she had fun outside of school. She started secondary in Sept and loves it! Has a great group of new friends, and has settled in really well, she actually never wants to miss a day!

whiteboardking · 08/03/2024 21:47

SATs suck the fun out of Yr6
They are all ready to leave by then