DD age 11 hates school in year 6 - anxious, miserable, a shadow of her usual self

[treaaaaa]

Just wondered if anyone has any thoughts. DD is a few months off finishing year 6 and currently hates it. Has always been happy at school and is bright and a nice kid, sociable, friendly.

Recently found out she was being bullied - we've addressed it and it's tapering off now, after many convos with teacher etc. I think it's affected her confidence though. She has a couple of closer friends and wider group of lesser friends.

Additionally to this she struggles with the pressures of school work (homework) and seems bored in lessons. Many of the kids in the class are not as bright as her, the class as a whole seems generally less able (I mean this with no malice, it's just a fact) and so she is finding lessons dull and unchallenging, as it's all geared towards the kids who are less able. Having asked for different work for her has not worked. Lessons are not being adapted nor different work provided. She does not seem to love the stricter nature of the year 6 teacher either (seems anxious about being told off if she can't do homework etc).

She just seems to hate school and finds it excruciatingly dull these days.

I have asked the teacher to look into potential neurodiversity, but am not sure it's a real issue here (she will report back in due course). The SENCO has so far been little help or support. A small amount of bubble time was provided but elicited nothing helpful so far.

Lots of imaginary aches and pains, anxiety about school and begging for days off. The whole thing seems like wading through treacle and I'm doing my best to liaise with the school and get it sorted but with four or five months to go it seems neverending. There's no opportunity to move class either.

Just wondered if anyone has any tips from their experience as to how to get through the last few months, what to say to school etc (having already spoken to them so many times). Just want my happy child back!

I agree on the stretch that isn't schoolwork. DS1 was massively hostile to anything that felt like it was revision/English/maths related but he read acres of history and geography books (the Usborne Politics/Economics/Philosophy/Whatever For Beginners books are great) and started German on Duolingo which he's kept up through secondary and DS2 has started Duolingo French which I think is helping him. His main problem though is that he's far more conscientious than his brother so can't/wont disengage or get distracted in the classroom, so he just gets frustrated instead.

A slightly different perspective here: my Y6 child is also ahead of the game academically but has really enjoyed the Y6 work so far - perhaps we are lucky with his school as they are still offering a lot more than SATS cramming but he likes the increased pace and level of work expected.

What has caused some anxiety, trouble sleeping etc is the concept of "growing up" - he's suddenly much more aware of time passing and that everything has an ending. We had tears the night before his 11th birthday when he is normally very excited about birthdays and other parents have reported the same. He is also worrying about secondary, partly as he won't be with any of his close friends but mostly because it's a big, unknown change and again indicates that life is moving on.

It may be worth opening up a few conversations with your daughter and find out how she is feeling in this respect.

I could have written this a year ago. I would recommend counselling. Worked wonders for us and now at a new school in year 7 she is a completely different happy child.

I'd be tempted to pull her out and 'unschool'. Just let her decide what to do and when, so if she wants to spend all day playing the musical instrument that's fine.

Education is about far more than schooling. There are lots of things she could learn at home. At some point you must eat so you could get her cooking, if she enjoys, it get her researching recipes and cooking herself. The research and the measuring of ingredients are what can be termed, "embedded literacy and numeracy".

A nature walk in the park or even your back garden.

A book challenge, read X amounts of books and keep a book journal.

In the 70s I lived on a new build estate and the local school had to rapidly expand so we had brand new teachers with lots of modern (for the 1970s) ideas.

We would do a subject called 'topic', the teacher would pick a subject eg I remember when topic was 'fossils' so we learned about Mary Anning. We looked at and drew / painted fossils. We looked at the process that takes a dead animal and turns it to stone.

I also don't think much happens after SATS, the kids and teachers are both knackered and so it is often a lot of play and 'fun subjects'.

If you do go down the 'homeschool' route it seems 2 hours a day is about the same amount of learning as a day in school.

Most of all give your DD a hug.

I'd pull her out of school. I had this with my DD (now 17) She seemed fine at primary school but hated high school from the outset. She started there in 2020 which was extra tricky with Covid. She joined the drama group and seemed to settle in the 2nd year.

3rd year was beset with physical illness as she has very heavy periods and she was anaemic for a long time. So we were back and forth to various appts to help her there. Additionally, she started with migraines.

However, she seemed to have a group of pals to go into town with and enjoyed clothes, make up, music etc.

And then, start of year 4, she took an overdose. We really did not see that one coming.

Initially, we thought it must be due to her bad migraines and awful periods (by now she was on the pill but still with bleeding and pain)

But, the picture kind of cleared enough for us to realise she needed an autism asst. Unfortunately, Camhs were as useful as a choccy teapot and discharged her after 3 pointless appts.

She managed to complete high school and did well in exams but no way could she have continued there. She left in May (on study leave, just returning to do exams) and started college a month ago.

She seems much happier already out of school. And we have just started the process of getting a private autism asst.

My DD could not stand the lack of discipline and out of control classes at school (obvs that does point to autism) and the time wasting caused by mixed ability classes. Some pupils could barely read, others were very disruptive. Some weren't even being entered for the exam. Teacher abs high.

Even with hindsight, honestly there was no outward clue our DD would OD. The evening before she'd been watching Bake Off with us and chatting animatetedly about meeting up with her pals in the hols. She had a shopping trip and a camping out teen party thing planned. The next morning, she got up, got her school uniform on and took an OD. You just never know what goes on in their heads.

Certainly, keep all meds safely secured is the lesson i learned. I can't even pass on anything useful about communication. Obvs i am shite at it as i am at home all the time and DD and i were often out together - it's not as if no one was there to talk to.

School is so stressful. I offered DD the chance to come out right away but she was determined to stay and sit exans. I think knowing she could leave straight after got her through it.

All the best to you and your DD. I don't intend to alarm you but please do keep meds out of sight. My DD had no self harm history. No cutting. No eating disorder. Nothing. Still doesn't. Just an impulsive act under extreme stress caused by school.

Don't know how this thread came up for me - i see it is from March! Never noticed!

The bulling has been a lot more traumatic for her than either of you realize. She still doesn’t feel safe at school and doesn’t want to go. Her brain has gone into a hyper survival protective mode which is affecting her sleep and her health.

She can’t focus on schoolwork because that would mean taking attention off survival, school work seems easy because she is constantly scanning her environment and processing things quickly but she is unable to put any of the information to use because the constant stress reduces her executive functioning down to zero.

She can’t focus on homework because anything to do with school triggers her brain into fight or flight and she can’t cope and wants to avoid the overload.

This is all adding up to some fairly serious mental health issues down the track as it’s not easy to calm down an over reactive nervous system. She’ll probably end up with an adhd diagnosis if you’re lucky, some kids wind up with eating disorders and worse. I had to pull my daughter out of mainstream education altogether and we’re doing vocational training instead because school work still triggers extreme anxiety.

Sounds like DD2 in Y6. Brace yourself for massive school refusal and anxiety at secondary school, unless you find a lovely small school that stretches her academically.-rare as hen's teeth.

I agree with un school ing.
She won't learn anything new the best things dd did were sex education and body stuff which you can do at home.

I'd let her relax if that's what she wants.