Do you ever randomly miss your parent years after they died?

[drivinmecrazy]

I'm having one of those days today.
My lovely dad passed away16 years ago.
Most of the time i can compartmentalise it, but sometimes it just hits me.
It's like I'm reliving that moment all these years later.
I'm sure it's normal but each time it happens it's like a punch in the stomach.

So today I'm resigned to just be sad and wait for it to pass.
I just want to wallow in the sadness for a while.
I know tomorrow it'll be behind me.
I guess it'll always be like this?

Not my parents, but my grandpa. I miss him randomly.
I've lost my fil few months ago. I was never really close, but it come to my mind randomly, and feel like I really wish I've spent more time with him.

More now Im old. I think the closer you get to death the more you think of them

Yes, and it's very touching to read the posts here.

My dad had a complicated long-term neurological condition, but in the end, died quite suddenly over 5 years ago. His death was difficult & sadly painful, and afterwards I marvelled that I went straight back to work (Ireland, so death & funeral all within a few days), and was ostensibly ok.

Of course I realised I didn't really grieve; our family has kind of broken apart since his death & it's v painful.

I miss him a lot. We work in the same sector, and when he was well he was extraordinarily able & brilliant, and there's so much I'd like to talk to him about. He was also challenging & difficult, but I've kind of forgotten about that! I feel very emotional that he died comparatively 'young', never really getting to enjoy his retirement - he was such an active man, he should still be off travelling & meeting people.

What really alarms me is that he's kind of faded as a person. It's not that he's forgotten but it's like he's not in focus; I think of all the things that have happened since his death that he doesn't know about. I've become a bit terrified of death, not that I think that much about it.

4 years next month since I lost my mum suddenly. I was 35 weeks pregnant with my first child, age 27. She was everything to be I absolutely adored her and still cannot really fathom ill never see her again, tears rolling down my face as I type like they do most days. Living without someone you love so much is the worst pain in the world

💔

I'm so sorry. That's really really hard.

Thank you @EarringsandLipstick grief is the worst x

Actually my son walked into the room just a few minutes ago, laughing his head off at something he'd just seen on telly, that kind of uncontrollable wheezy laughing that every time you try to tell someone what you're laughing at you just descend into chaos.
And I was suddenly struck by how like my father he was at that moment, and the belly laughs and bang-the-table laughs we used to have when something struck Dad as funny.
I miss the old bugger, even 17 years on.

Someone at work mentioned Mothers' Day today and I thought Crumbs I need to get something. My mom died at the start of Covid. It is so strange still. I so would love a chat with her.

Just when a random good/bad thing happens the first thing you think is I must tell mum/dad about it , and remember they're gone . I still dream about them occasionally .

Yes. I miss my dad every spring when the bulbs start coming up.

I lost my dad as a child 30+ years ago so I never got close to an adult relationship and understanding of him. The grief can dredge up, it's always burried away. My DCs are around the age that I was and recently one of their peers lost a parent and another has one seriously ill. I have to throw up mental walls and not think about it or feelings will resurface. I can find the time of year that he died awkward. That varies by the year. I really noticed it a couple of years ago when DS1 was at the same life stage and transitions that I was at, plus a round number anniversary. I don't know if repeating it this year will have the same effect. Fresh grief always brings up that first, deep shocking grief too.

I have a few things that he gave me which are precious to me. One is a cuddly toy that he bought while travelling with work and a DS adopted it as his special cuddly which is extra special.

I think time, and my own separation from myself as he knew me means that I don't miss the essence of him so much. Also DH lost his dad as a young adult so there isn't an equivilent dad figure in the family to model what things could have been like.

I think about him every day.

Yes, 28 years since my dad died when I was 13. Still hurts. When I see my kids with their other grandad 😭

I visited my elderly aunt at Christmas. She’s 88 and my dad was her third and last brother to die. She had found a little wooden star and written ‘Mum and Dad’ and her brothers names on it. Her mum and dad must have been dead 50 plus years 💔

Yes and only this last week.
The last time I saw my Dad was Halloween 1989.
I popped into the Lounge to say bye to him as me, DH and our 11 month old dd were leaving.
I gave him a hug. He wasn’t feeling great, but hadn’t let on. He died 4 days later. I was 25.
I sometimes have overwhelming sadness come over me. I’ve since lost mum and my DB.
Songs they loved always get me. I can still cry buckets and it can hit me anytime.

Complete solidarity. It's so hard. My darling dad died 15yrs ago (completely out of the blue, so no chance to say goodbye) and some days it hits me like a ton of bricks. Wish I had videos of him to hear his voice but it was before the days of camera phones. I love having vivid dreams about him cos it feels like I've spent time with him. I really wish he could have met my kids 💔 (but they do get a lot of white feathers pinned to their clothes which gives me comfort, and there are often robins hopping nearby)

Yes. This is really normal.

I lost my mum 30 years ago. Most days I'm fine. Some days a get a real longing to see her and a sense of sadness. It was often linked to milestones with my own DC where I just really wished she'd been there to share.

Yes, it’s been nearly 19 years now but I still have occasional days when I feel sad. Most recently one of my DC has been at a bit of a cross road/ stuck what to do next. He had many faults, my dad, but this was something he was good at; helping people find their next step. I was so sad he’s not here to help.

Nearly 30 years now, and I still get it.

Particularly when my dc ask to do something that I know he would have loved to do with them, or when I do things like look at my garden and think he will never see it (he was a very keen gardener).

There is such a lot of love in this thread. I feel comforted knowing others feel the same.loss and love as I do.

20 years and sometimes it’s OK and then, less often, it bites all over again.

I miss her so much but even more I miss that my children don’t get to know the incredible lady that their Granny was, don’t get to have special days with her and be spoilt by her, share baking days and make memories together.

Absolutely yes.

My parents dies over 20 years ago - before dd was born. When I hear people talk about their ailing parents it's hard sometimes to grasp that apparently most people my age still have parents. And as the ages go by - different things hit me -about our sometimes rocky relationship (mainly with mother). There are things you think you understand - and in part you do - but some things you really, really don't understand until you are at that same point. There are some tensions, some emotions - that you can only really truly grasp when you reach that place. And there have been times - especially recently = that I have really felt that. And that I understand some of our conflicts in a different way. But there is no turning back the clock. And it has ever been thus......

I understand what you mean about Mothers' Day. I have no issue whatsoever if my DH wants to go to see his Mum, in fact I encourage it as she's elderly now and realistically there won't be many more. But I don't want to go. I am much happier to stay at home on my own. I no longer have my Mum and I don't want to play happy families with someone else's. I wish my MIL no ill but she isn't my Mum.

My dad died 18 years ago, 3 months after my son was born.
My dad and I had the same taste in music, I can no longer listen to some of it due to this.
My mother has been dead 10 years and isnt even on my radar.
Unfortunately due to my parents having the emotions of sea slugs, I don't get upset, just sad about my dad

My mum died in 2006 and dad in 2010. I still miss them most days. I miss sharing things with them. I’m sad that they missed my DD’s wedding, my DS passing his driving test, getting a job etc. I miss them if I’m going through a difficult time and have no one to turn to. We talk about them still, remembering the happy times and the funny things they did. Sometimes though when I look at the state of this country and the world in general I think I’m glad they didn’t live to see it. All in all it’s ‘the price we pay for love!’

My parents are still alive but I'm nc with them

My grandad brought me up-i lost him when I was 14

It's the big and the little things that floor me

I had dd 5 years after I lost him-he'll never meet her or her siblings-he would have loved them so much (and spoilt them rotten-he would have enriched their lives so much)

A memory that I'm telling as a story and laughing about it

He's not here to give me life advice or tell me off for doing something daft

His birthday ('oh,he would have been 104 this year')

An advert for dementia (I wear a forget-me-not brooch in his memory)

His photo (I have two) is my screensaver-it takes my breath away everytime I open my phone (my mother refused to 'allow' me a photo-dd sent me them)

Seeing grandfather's with their grandchildren and their amazing relationships

I walked past a stall today on my way to work-they where jw's-the watchtower magazines almost had me in tears-we used to read them together

A bloke once came into work and ordered his food-he took his money out of the exact same purse grandad had

Hitting 28 was hard-id lived to double the age I was when I lost him-ive been on this planet longer without him than I have with him

Some days it's fine-i miss him but its bearable

Then something will set me off-the smell of tcp or seeing flora margarine in the supermarket and I can feel the tears at the back of my eyes

He was the most special man I've ever known