Do you ever randomly miss your parent years after they died?

[drivinmecrazy]

I'm having one of those days today.
My lovely dad passed away16 years ago.
Most of the time i can compartmentalise it, but sometimes it just hits me.
It's like I'm reliving that moment all these years later.
I'm sure it's normal but each time it happens it's like a punch in the stomach.

So today I'm resigned to just be sad and wait for it to pass.
I just want to wallow in the sadness for a while.
I know tomorrow it'll be behind me.
I guess it'll always be like this?

Oh gosh, i actively avoid going in to town on a saturday afternoon as the shops are full of mothers and daughters clothes shopping and going for coffee. I can’t handle it at all.

Mine both died in 2015 and I miss them both very much still. Their grandson graduates this year and I’d love them to have seen it. I still can’t look at a custard tart (my dad loved them) or go into John Lewis, which was my mum’s happy place, without thinking of them. There are so many happy memories that I’m so grateful for.

This weekend’s going to be tough. Mothers’ Day cards break my heart.

My dad died when my son was just over a year old. Thats a long, long time ago, but it still catches me every now and then.

My mum and I had a difficult relationship for the last few years, because she lived with us. Again, I was caught out this year on the anniversary of her death.

Yes, I do. Mum fourteen years and dad six years. Sometimes it seems like yesterday and there are times I still want to talk to them.

I dont think the feeling ever goes away and its completely normal to have times/days like that. My Dad passed away 24 years ago (just before I turned 11) - I never met my dad though. He split with my mum before I was born and sort of kept in touch when I was little, my parents stayed really amicable but we lived in separate towns and well life just went on and he got cancer and passed before we had a chance to form a relationship (which i beleive would of happened when I became older). I was only thinking this afternoon about it and how unfair it is that I will never get the chance to know my own dad. Theres just nothing, no memories, just stuff that other people tell me including my mum. And i got really upset and just wish id had the chance to know him. I would rather have known him and had memories and a relationship before losing him, than having nothing at all. Thats my grief. Dont think that will ever go.

This thread makes me sad . I'm sorry for you all who still miss your parents.

My dad died 13 years ago and I have never once missed him or anything about him! I've never wished I could see him again and the sadness about him being dead only lasted a few weeks. On the surface our relationship was "fine" - but this lack of feeling since his death only goes to show me how detached we were and what a poor parent he was. Like I said, sad.

Yes l miss my Mum like mad.. 28 years ago.. she was only 63 so younger than l am now.. l was crying not long back on her birthday.. my daughter was here and started crying although she can't remember her.. she then told me.. she was crying thinking about when I'm gone and how much she will miss me and can't bear thought of it..
I said I hope I've at least 20 good years yet.
Luckily I'm a Spiritualist and so was my Mum so that gives me comfort.

Yes definitely. It's been a good few years so no longer raw or my every thought but sometimes there's a longing and piercing sadness that still comes.

I was 9 when my mum died and it's been twenty odd years (can't keep track to be honest) and most days I'm okay but sometimes it catches me off guard. Sometimes when I'm upset at something else I'll cry out to her in my mind. Probably my inner child needing the mother that was stripped of them.

I remember my grandmother getting upset about her mum when she talked to me about it. Back then I was a teen and didn't quite understand how an old lady still missed her mother but now I totally get it. You never stop grieving them.

Yes , my lovely mum died 10 years ago and I still miss her.
A couple of months ago I was having a bad time and I was in my car and something else happened , I proper sobbed & cried loudly for for.

Yes. My mum died 33 years ago, 4 years before my first child was born. Although I think that modern day Mothers Day (it’s Mothering Sunday FFS ) is a commercial clap-trap I hate the day.
I want to see MY mum on that day, not have to see my MIL every year on the day, even though I like her.
Roll on next Monday.

Every single day to be honest

coming up to 6 years since dad died horrifically (I remember having a thread on here at the time mumnetters really did get me through some tough nights in March 2018)

made worst cos my mum being severely disabled requiring 24 hr care for most of my life so dad had been mum and dad to us

he did no deserve to die like that. And it did leave me absolutely traumatised and unable to access any counselling cos of my autism and disabilities

6 years on I still cannot even look at a picture of him or talk or think about him without falling apart completely. He did look after me so much and take me everywhere with him and I been by my own since and I really should no be by my own and I cannot go anywhere new by my own which means sometimes friends have to helps me with stuff I should no need helps with if I was normal

I visit mum in the nursing home to keep her company weekends and my days off from work

it should no be like this I still cannot believe it 😢

I really feels for all of you in the same position xxx

Yes. My dad passed coming up to 5 years on the 18th. Miss him terribly, especially when Phil Collins comes on the radio or I see his favourite aftershave in the shop and Sunday evenings when I'm listening to absolute 80s top 40. Takes me back to Sunday evenings getting ready for school and taping the charts 😭😭😭

Yes, my dad died 16 years ago and my mam died 10 years ago. I miss them every day at some point- not tearfully but I miss them; a pang, something that makes me smile, a longing to see them, to talk to them, for them to know DC, for my dad and DH to meet, for them to be in our house with us for tea, to go shopping with my mam , to walk their dog with my mam (we walked for hours), to reminisce with them, to ask questions I never asked. I just miss them. It rarely overwhelms me but I do have occasional tears. I talk to their photos when I am by myself- just a few words in passing 'Love you and miss you and wish you were both here'.

My dad died 25 years ago and I often have days where I feel sad and miss him. He did meet DD, but died when she was 9 months old. I'm sad that he never got to meet DS, nor share our lives since then. I do, even now, sometimes have a little weep.

My dad died in 1990 , I miss him all the time . My mum died 5 yrs ago and it’s strange because yesterday I was talking to my daughter about someone and couldn’t remember the name and I said to her ‘Nan will know it ‘ . Fortunately I’ve remembered it now .

Yes indeed. My dad died 20 years ago when I was a teen and sometimes it still hits me hard. Mostly I’m fine but there are times I feel sad like you describe, and sometimes just talking about him I find myself overcome with grief. I assume it’ll always be like that.

Oh yes, I feel the same. You can be tootling along and then all of a sudden the pain hits you. My parents are long gone now but sometimes I feel it so hard and so physically that my hand goes straight to my heart the pain is so bad.

My mum loved life and every spring I'm so sorry she's not here to enjoy it. The sight of the first daffodils gets me every year.

The loss is always with us just like the love is. It doesn't get easier to bear, we just get more used to managing....but only some of the time.

My DF died 20 years ago and I miss him every single day. Just thinking of him and everything he missed. It's still very hard.

It feels so unfair that others got more time and have more time with their DFs.

My DM died 8 years ago. I've never missed her. But I'm still very angry with her.

Hugs to everyone x

Depends where you stand on such things- but I always take it as a sign they are close by-or sending a message- how could I possibly get so upset about it otherwise? But I appreciate this isn't everyone's take.

Totally OP
My dad died nearly 30 years ago when I was in my early 20's.
Last Christmas I was taken aback at a new wave of grief I had for his loss so I came to u set stand grief is an ever evolving emotion and I just let myself feel it when it hits.

That's a lovely and very comforting thought @snowlady4 . Thank you.

My mum died 24 years ago. I still think about her every day. When I had Covid recently I woke up feeling so ill, crying, saying "I want my mummy" it wasn't intentional it just came out. I often think back to the last night I saw her and relive the moment.
My dad died a few years ago. We have a VR headset with a game called Wandering (Google earth) where you can time travel. I go back to my dad's house 10 years ago. It feels so real and I know he is inside because the windows are open. It's such a weird feeling and I cry thinking about him not there anymore.

Yes I understand- both mine and DH had lost all of our parents by the time we were 32.

I find Lauren Herschel's Ball In The Box analogy for grief hits it absolutely perfectly:

twitter.com/LaurenHerschel/status/946888282444460033

The analogy provides clarity regarding how people feel during grief.

Imagine your life is a box and the grief you feel is a ball, and the ball is inside of the box, or your life. Also, inside the box, there is a pain button.

In the beginning, the grief ball is huge, consuming the vast majority of space in your life. No matter what you do, you can’t move the box without the ball hitting the pain button. The ball rattles around on its own in the box and hits the button over and over and over again. You can’t seem to control it – it just keeps hurting. Sometimes the grief ball seems unrelenting.

However, with time the ball gets smaller. The frequency of when the pain button is hit decreases, but that doesn’t necessarily mean the intensity of the pain is not there. But it does mean that life “feels” better because you can function day to day more easily when the pain is being hit less frequently. Although, one downside is that the ball will still randomly hit the button, especially when you least expect it.

Of course! Dad died in 2010 and Mum in 2014. I used to talk to Dad about current events, books I had read and films I saw. Mum (bless her) was less cerebral but I used to chat on the phone (never lasted long, although she would chat for hours with my SIL, she would hang up on my quickly saying "Oh your phone bill"!), and of course visit her , and general chit chat. Now of course, too late, I wish I could ask her about certain recipes!

I miss my monthly visits!