Working full time with 3 kids- help

[LaylaSun77]

I am really struggling with 3 kids having just returned from maternity leave. I am finding the endless appointments, school events, homework’s, parties, just very difficult to manage on top of a full time demanding and professional job. My partner works full time aswell and We don’t have grandparents nearby. Can anyone in this situation offer any words of wisdom or life hacks which has helped them get through this same thing? We get our groceries delivered and have a cleaner come once a fortnight. The kids help out when they can we do a chipping in chart. I am emotionally and physically exhausted but I do need to work these hours at the present time for the income. Kids are age 11,9 & a baby who is 1. Thank you in advance for any encouragement and advice you can offer as to how I can get through this time. It is much appreciated.

If you're both full time I think it is a lot to manage parenting 3 kids as well. Is it possible for you both to go to 4 days so you have a bit more give in your week?

Or failing that an au pair so the kids have someone at home /there is someone who can do home stuff.

I dont think we'd manage both being full time with 3 kids long term. And unfortunately my kids wouldn't manage after school club til 5 everyday (neuro divergent it turns out).

It is a very high expectation to expect to btoh be full time and have time to parent 3 kids well. Something will need to give or , for me at least, there'd need to be bought in support for it to be at all sustainable.

Can you and your partner reduce work hours, even a little? I found it have me so much more breathing room, and I wasn't really any worse off financially, as I wasn't spending to try and claw back a bit of time.

are you always this helpful? 🙄

I'm a single parent of 3 - 2 year old twins and a 6 year old. Virtually no help from their dad and no local family. Also work full time in demanding professional job. I can't afford a cleaner and I don't shop online

• WFH at least one day per week - what I save on the commute I clean the house, stick the wash on etc

• batch cook so at least half the week there is something in the freezer

• do the big shop on a WFH lunch hour

• massive family planner on the wall - lots of lists 😂

• plan ahead for school events as soon as the info comes out

• break the rules - well everyone else's rules - I co sleep with the twins otherwise I'd get no sleep. I don't bath every night. I fold as many clothes as possible straight from the tumble dryer

• one day per weekend is set aside for family stuff - park or a day out or a bday party - the other day is usually in the house or garden keeping on top of jobs in both

I don't sit down. I don't get a break or a rest. I'm exhausted. But I keep going because no choice otherwise x

I’m just trying to think of other things I did to cope:

• but lots of birthday presents and roles of wrapping paper and keep them in a drawer so you can choose something before a party and don’t need to shop
• batch cook or rely on really easy meals like pasta pesto with a veg on the side
• dont try and do creative school costumes or bake sale cakes, you can’t do it all, choose simple or buy in this stuff
• if kids are in different schools have one school email you and the other your husband so you only have to keep track of one school’s admin
• even if you don’t get an au pair pay a local teen for a couple of afternoons a week and get them to do trips to the high street with the older kids for hair cuts/ shoe measuring and buying/ uniform or stationary buying. Ask them to do drop off and pick up at after school clubs and play dates so your kids can do those things and don’t miss out.

The most important thing is to make sure that your husband always always does his share. Do not fall for the “oh -sod it - it is easier to do it myself”.

The older kids should have a couple of chores each also. Even more - do not fall for the “oh - sod it - it is easier to do it myself.”

Thank you for the tips, these are all really helpful. I’m writing them down!

Thanks everyone for the tips. 15 minute tidy ups for all the family to help with are a good idea.. I am trying this tonight!

We're similar - no family to help at all does make a big difference as I see lots of friends with parents to help. But I think everything the PPs have said - I also don't iron anything unless it really needs it (as in, work shirts for us snd that's about it), cleaner every week, bulk buy birthday presents to some extent - and definitely the cards, order as much online as I can. And I've had to start saying no to things - especially with kids parties now - otherwise every weekend is taken up! Good luck, it's hard, especially when you have a baby/toddler, but you'll be fine.

Following as I'm debating going back to work, albeit part time, but with 4 children 😱

De clutter so it’s easier to stay tidy. One touch rule so if you pick something up put it where it needs to be so plate from the table and straight into the dishwasher not on the side above the dishwasher. E mails from school with forms to fill in do it immediately.
Shared list of 5 min jobs to do on your phone shared with DH.
Up the Cleaners hours if possible and everything absolutely everything on to a paper calendar somewhere visible.
Lower your standards for a couple of years

Every so often I hire a skip 😁

You can hire a "housekeeper" which I realise sounds like something from Downton but is basically just someone who can do house related stuff. We have a part time nanny house keeper and she does the school run two days a week and makes dinner for the family those days and will also do odd jobs like washing, putting washing away, sorting though clothes to check what the kids have gorwn out of, helping with homework etc. it is basically outsourcing a few home related bits so I don't lose it totally. A sensible local teenager would be able to do most of it and would be cheaper than a nanny.

How are things now OP?

Thanks pollypocketss to be honest things are a bit the same! 😣 came back on mums net to read the tips again and remind myself what I need to do! 😣

Do you or your DH work from home at all? Any way of having more flexibility?

Thanks- yes we do wfh some times. I have recently returned from a work trip away a few days and that has set us back. I will learn to say no in future. Hopefully we can reset over the weekend and get back on track. We can’t afford a nanny. Maybe I can talk to my employer to see if a full time remote working arrangement would be possible. Do you do this? I wonder if it would help. I do 2 days from home and the rest in office. I enjoy getting out of the house to be honest but the time commuting could definitely be spent on house things. Thank you so much for your help, people are so kind and helpful on here! I really appreciate it.

@LaylaSun77

I work from home full time, once a month in London.

DH works from home 3 days a week.

We have no support either.

Thought about having a third for a long time, hence in your post and worry about rocking the boat.

We have 3, we both work full time but compressed / flexible hours and we each only need to go in to the office 1 or 2 days each week. (we work extremely long days when we do go in). Personally, I’ve found it really important that both DH and I alter our work pattern, not just one of us, so we each have total responsibility for the pack on different days while the other gets a day of being an adult at work !

TBH though, I found it started to be manageable (rather than just hanging on by fingertips) only once the youngest started school rather than nursery. Hang in there, it will get easier in the end….

Thank you! I needed to hear from someone with experience that it does get easier. The toddler phase is challenging!! My eldest is 12 so we are in teenager territory. It’s a lot to manage and I am feeling burnt out. Your phrase “hanging on by finger tips” is accurate. If I can make some adjustments until the littlest goes to school then that will really help and it helps to know it gets better!

A nanny or aupair?

It’s a lot - admit. It is lovely though . I think we are just in the thick of it at present with a lot of things in the mix! We were quite settled with the 2. Having said that I wouldn’t be without my littlest in a million years and the older two absolutely dote on him! Good luck with whatever you decide to do…

Thank you!

How old are your three?

Will you end up having 3 in 3 different schools?

I guess no 3 wasn’t planned.

I think you need to consider a drop in hours. Some people manage by the whole family living regimented lives. I wouldn't take this option.