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Original poster

How to deal with anger when hungry?

30 replies

MarchHatty · 03/03/2024 21:18

I just don't know what to do.

DH's behaviour has spoilt yet another day out. He gets very cross and angry when hungry but is massively overweight and feels hungry all the time. A handful of nuts or fruit doesn't cut it. It's not thirst - he drinks plenty of water all day.

Today we went to the cinema. Came out, looking for lunch but everywhere was busy. He would not wait if a server said a table would be 10 mins or that service might be slow as busy.

He ended up storming off, buying a meal deal in M&S and eating it in the car, while whinging how disgusting the food was and no wonder he's fat as he always ends up eating bread.

I just don't know how to deal with this. It makes him more angry when I just ignore him. If I sympathise, I get told it's my fault (somehow).

OP posts:
TheLoveableFish · 03/03/2024 21:23

He needs to make sure he eats regularly - a meal deal is really not a meal.

Needs to exercise and get is blood sugar levels under control and stable.

has he had a medical check up?

TheLoveableFish · 03/03/2024 21:24

Oh and increase his protein. Reduce the processed carbs.

twingiraffes · 03/03/2024 21:36

It doesn't matter what's causing his anger. What matters is that his anger is having a negative effect on you and the relationship. It also concerns me that he doesn't have any trouble in blaming you.

It is not your responsibility to fix him.

My advice would be to consider whether you want to continue with this relationship.

Octavia64 · 03/03/2024 21:39

I get like this.

I don't have diabetes (been tested).

I carry spare food with me a lot of the time.

Not helped by the fact that my ExH happily skips meals - we'll be on a day out walking miles around a city and he'll happily chirp "I'm not hungry, are you?"

I have collapsed a couple of times on days out when I've not had enough food so that's why I carry food now.

I'm overweight. It doesn't mean I can skip meals or delay meals with no impact.

NuffSaidSam · 03/03/2024 21:41

Has he been tested for diabetes?

He needs to take responsibility for managing his eating so that he doesn't experience this hanger. Tell him to grow up and take responsibility for himself.

INeedNewShoes · 03/03/2024 21:44

I am prone to this. I counteract it by making sure my meals have the sort of fuel that will last a long time - protein, wholegrains and veg. If I know there's a risk that my next meal will be delayed I take a snack with me (along the lines of cheese and oatcakes) and what has become fondly known as the emergency banana.

It helps a huge amount not to eat anything sugary as a snack or under the illusion of it keeping me going until the next proper food.

WhatWouldJeevesDo · 03/03/2024 21:45

Breakfast cereals are the devil especially bran flakes.
Cutting out sugar and all processed carbs would help with the sugar crashes.

Blaming you is a separate issue, I think.

Whatzzaapbaby · 03/03/2024 21:47

Sounds very diabetic ish. See a dr.

ScouseOfCards · 03/03/2024 22:22

I definitely get like this, but he is being a dick about it and needs to see that he's being unreasonable taking it out on you.

littlegrebe · 03/03/2024 22:29

He needs to carry an emergency banana like me and @INeedNewShoes . In order to do this he needs to recognise he's an arsehole when he's hungry and that inflicting this on the rest of you is not acceptable.

Durdledore · 03/03/2024 22:33

Yeah I agree with PPs- there’s 2 problems here: his hunger and his agency. They both need tackling (by him) separately.

pikkumyy77 · 03/03/2024 22:37

Durdledore · 03/03/2024 22:33

Yeah I agree with PPs- there’s 2 problems here: his hunger and his agency. They both need tackling (by him) separately.

This is basically it.

He can learn to check his blood sugar levels and be more responsible for his food needs. Until he does I would just walk away when he starts blaming you and refuse to do events together. He has forgotten, if he ever knew, how to behave himself in public or private. He needs to relearn the art before you go anywhere with him.

catscalledbeanz · 03/03/2024 22:45

I'm very snappy when too hungry. I get properly hangry and I'm ashamed of it. I have found myself snapping and then apologising to my husband repeatedly. BUT fits my problem not his. I do my absolute best to carry snacks and eat enough protein to stave it off. Why isn't your husband 1- taking action and carrying snacks (or indeed waiting the ten minutes?! Surely that's less than the overall searching and failing saga?!?) and 2/ apologising for his nastiness? Or even better stopping it altogether?!?!

LizzieSiddal · 03/03/2024 22:52

I just don't know what to do.

DH's behaviour has spoilt yet another day out. He gets very cross and angry when hungry but is massively overweight and feels hungry all the time. A handful of nuts or fruit doesn't cut it. It's not thirst - he drinks plenty of water all day.

He’s not a child, he should be able to carry a snack around so he doesn’t get too hungry and angry! His behaviour is affecting you and it’s not on, I’d tell him quite simply, I would not tolerate him spoiling another day out, he sorts his hunger issues out or he can just stay home while you enjoy the day on your own.

He also needs to go and see a dr and get his blood sugar checked, plus advice on how to lose weight.

candgen625 · 03/03/2024 23:00

I can understand this. I get like this for one day a month, normally two days before my period arrives. It's like an all consuming hunger. It's horrible, I would hate ti feel like it all the time.

WoodBurningStov · 03/03/2024 23:15

I carry food around with me as I get really shaky, headachy and faint if I get too hungry. It comes out of nowhere.

But I'm a grown up and realise I can't spoil other people's day because I'm hangry. I make sure I eat a good breakfast and keep something filling in my bag whilst I'm out. My dh can go all day without eating, but I can't

He needs to eat regularly and make sure he has a snack available - and grow the fuck up and be an adult

aurynne · 03/03/2024 23:18

Well... he needs to do some growing up and maturing before he addresses other negative behaviours that come up as a result of his immaturity and childishness.

FlabMonsterIsDietingAgain · 03/03/2024 23:21

He needs to be a grown up and manage his hunger. The simplest and most obvious solution is to carry a snack so if he starts feeling hangry he can have something to tide himself over. I have a packet of beef jerky in my handbag, long expiry date and just enough to stop myself feeling too grumpy while I find some proper food.

SwordToFlamethrower · 03/03/2024 23:21

Why doesn't he pack himself some food before going out?

Why is it your problem to fix? You're not his mummy!

Original poster
MarchHatty · 04/03/2024 06:41

Thank you. I think the issue is it's a big behavioural shift to carry food around. But I can see it's one he needs to make. I can't see a banana working. He had a good diet except for volume - so breakfast only 3 hours earlier was a cooked breakfast with pork loins and a veggie omlette (spinach, mushrooms, etc).

Not diabetes - been tested as part of a 50+ check quite recently.

OP posts:
Phineyj · 04/03/2024 07:22

I used to get like this and eating oats for breakfast and snacking on oatcakes and flapjack helps me. Oats have a low GI. Your husband's breakfast was high GI so he had a sugar crash.

Asshewheelshereheelbarrow · 04/03/2024 07:33

SwordToFlamethrower · 03/03/2024 23:21

Why doesn't he pack himself some food before going out?

Why is it your problem to fix? You're not his mummy!

^^. I was just going to say the same thing.

I’m sympathetic as my dh is food obsessed and it gets very wearisome but this is not your problem to solve op! A firm intentional discussion with him about you really not enjoying getting the brunt of his irritation when he is hungry will suffice then it’s up to him to solve it. Tell him the next time it happens you will leave him on his own. And follow through.

As for the practicalities; he’s a grown man so he plans ahead like every woman in history with dc, and packs himself some cheese, nuts, apples, home made oat bars etc or he suffers the consequences and waits in line to be served like a grown up without complaining.

Or he gets some sort of beeping watch and he goes to a snack bar earlier before he gets to the cross/shaky stage.

Also suggest he starts eating more fibre, more protein, drinking more water, and going on a 15 minute brisk walk after every meal and gets a blood test at gp to test for diabetes type 2.

EspressoMacchiato · 04/03/2024 07:38

This is prediabetic hypoglycaemia whether is shows on a blood test or not.

He needs to sort his diet out and not by eating 4727282 times a day. High protein plenty of good fat and low carb.

THisbackwithavengeance · 04/03/2024 07:40

He needs to get to a doctor. To feel that hungry that he needs to eat to massive excess and cannot control himself? That's not right.

LizzieSiddal · 04/03/2024 07:40

MarchHatty · 04/03/2024 06:41

Thank you. I think the issue is it's a big behavioural shift to carry food around. But I can see it's one he needs to make. I can't see a banana working. He had a good diet except for volume - so breakfast only 3 hours earlier was a cooked breakfast with pork loins and a veggie omlette (spinach, mushrooms, etc).

Not diabetes - been tested as part of a 50+ check quite recently.

He has a serious issue if he’s so hungry after eating all that 3 hours earlier!

He needs to get a grip and sort himself out by healthily losing weight.