When should we tell in laws about pregnancy - poll

[News124]

DH’s parents will be out of the country while I am 12 weeks - 18 weeks pregnant. This is making things a bit tricky!

We are going to have a private scan and NIPT at 11 weeks. If the scan and NIPT comes back okay then we can’t decide whether it’s ‘safe’ to tell them in person before they go abroad.

Or, should we really wait until the NHS scan, which is the day after they fly, and tell them on FaceTime?

For context, this is a much waited for pregnancy and a bit of a miracle one after infertility. The whole family thought it was never going to happen!

Don’t overthink this, stay calm and positive

It’s entirely up to you! I told my parents and in laws not long after we first found out. Simply because I wanted to have a support network incase anything happened. I told rest of family after the 12 week scan.

Do what feels more comfortable to you!

We were visiting my husbands parents overseas when I was 9-13 weeks pregnant. While we were there we had a scan and also a low-risk NIPT result. My husband really wanted to tell them in person because we’d struggled for so long to even get that far so we told them before we left on strict instructions to keep it to themselves.

You don't need to tell them face to face - they'll be delighted for you over the phone I'm sure.

Wait til you're ready, and it that's before they go then great.

I'd tell them on their arrival home from being away. There's no rush to tell them.

The problem with this would be we would be telling others before 18 weeks and I couldn’t guarantee they wouldn’t find out from another family member, from a photo online or similar!

I'd tell them the same time as you tell your parents, regardless of where they might be.

Telling them face to face is nice but not essential. Tell them when you feel comfortable.

We told my parents just before I had a scan at 8w because we needed to stop them booking a holiday that included us. We told PIL a week later after the scan when we went to see them. Everyone else was told after the 12w scan.

We told all our parents (DH has 2 sets!) on the same evening, over the phone.

It was brilliant! I didn't feel like it was "less" of an experience. We all came off the call absolutely beaming.

I’d definitely wait til after the 12 week scan.

If it’s your first pregnancy, you can probably get away with not telling anyone til 18 weeks, then you could tell your in-laws in person once they’re back in the country before telling everyone else.

@News124 Completely agree with @InTheShiningStars 🤷🏻‍♀️😊 There’s no rush to tell people. Personally, we didn’t tell anyone at all until after the 20 week anatomy scan and knew everything was ok.

Video call them … they will be delighted

I would tell them after the private scan and NIPi results

It depends entirely if you’re comfortable telling them if your pregnancy ended in a loss. I decided that anyone I wouldn’t tell about a miscarriage wouldn’t hear until after the 20 week scan but I’m not close to my mother or in laws and wouldn’t want to have a conversation with them if something went wrong. I have friends who would want support from their parents and in-laws if they lost a baby and so they told them as soon as they saw them after the pee was dry on the stick. It totally depends on your relationship and how comfortable you’d be discussing any problems with them. Good luck. I’m sure it will go smoothly and everyone will be thrilled however they find out.

Depends if you like your MIL or not.

We told parents around 6 weeks, and everyone else after scan at 12 weeks

Congrats! To echo a PP, it depends if you would tell them if you had a miscarriage. If you would, then tell them as soon as you want, if not then wait longer. So we told my mum and my closest friends straight away because I'd have been wanting their support if things went wrong. We told DH's family after the first scan because he wouldn't necessarily have wanted to tell them about a miscarriage.

Sometimes the nhs scan is during your 11th week.
Definitely tell them when you tell others

Thanks all, this is really helping clarify my thinking.

I would definitely feel comfortable telling them if something went wrong. They’ve known about our failed IVF cycles in the past and other medical issues we’ve had to contend with.

I think we’re leaning towards telling them in person.

To be honest, I've never understood the waiting thing. It's the accepted norm, but I don't know why. Tell people when you want to!

Just tell them now. We told my parents and PIL pretty much as soon as we knew. Just over the phone, no big fuss.

The waiting is in case anything goes wrong. As pp have said, if you'd tell them if anything goes wrong, then tell them whenever.

Due to infertility and a previous miscarriage we told them all after the 12 week scan and told them in person. Mil and mother both have big gobs so no way was I telling them any earlier. Its up to you, but maybe tell them after the private scan?

When are you telling your own parents ? The obvious answer would be the exact same day ! Why would you not ?

We told people quite early. I had a few early bleeds so we were backwards and forwards for early scans and I was in a bit of a mess anxiety wise so we told people so they knew what was going on. It was before FB etc so we never made any big general announcement. We just told people as and when we saw them and word got round.