I’m 23 stone + - I’m desperate to lose weight but don’t know where to start

[feelbloodyuseless]

I do have PCOS, and am on four meds for mental health - one of which says weight gain is an extremely common side effect - so I’m aware that isn’t helping.

But I’m sick of being this size now. I have no energy at all, I miss being able to go for a walk without having to stop to catch my breath every 10 minutes. I miss being able to climb stairs; stand up to shower, tidy the house. I’m permanently absolutely exhausted.

I’m about a 28-30 on bottom and 26-28 on top depending what I’m wearing. 30-32 for jackets now.

I’m addicted to food, I comfort eat and I binge eat. I eat for the sake of eating, I feel
happier if I have plenty of food.

I’m desperately lonely and unhappy, and have been for a very long time. I’m getting MH help and they keep saying my weight will get sorted in time but I’m desperate not to feel this way anymore.

I’ve been big since I was about 6 - by primary four I was 7.5 stone. By age 14, I was 15 stone.

I’ve four times lost significant amounts, the lowest I’ve been is 12 stone, but when I try to restrict or calorie count it feels like punishment and exercise is too bloody hard. And when life gets hard again I just regain 10 times more than I lost.

I’m trying to apply for jobs just now and I’m sure a fat, sweaty mess isn’t what people want working for them.

I don’t know where to begin. GP said all they can suggest is monitoring intake. I’ve got a coil for the PCOS as my periods stopped a few years ago (I’m 32). Nothing else.

I honestly wonder if I’m diabetic, my family have said they think I’ve got sleep apnoea, but I don’t know and I don’t know what to do.

Family have said to ask the NHS for surgery - two of them have had a sleeve - but I don’t think they’ll do it with my mental health being as it is.

Hi OP, I really understand your need to eat soo the time. I feel the same way.
I wish I felt sick after eating a large dinner followed by something like chocolate ice cream and chocolate cake but I don’t. I could just carry on and on. So you’re not alone.
But I did lose weight, I calorie counted and once I reached my limit I ate cucumber sticks and apple slices when I got hungry.
it was hard, but I did it in the end

It sounds like you're having such a tough time at the moment, I'm so sorry.

Do keep working on your mental health as top priority as everything else will get easier as that improves.

Is there any kind of exercise you could enjoy? Gentle walking, yoga, outdoor swimming? Not for weight loss but for your mental and physical health - I used to hate all exercise too but now it's a huge stress reliever for me.

Then it sounds like you're self soothing with food - I think this is a behaviour we learn when we're young and it's really hard to unlearn, but try and think about other ways to make yourself feel better. A bath, a book, a film, a craft project, doing your nails - whatever you're into. Just don't link it to food ie don't pick a film because you can snack during it.

I'd look at tackling these things first before you start thinking about calorie counting, on my experience you need to be in a better place mentally to be able to stick with it.

What worked before op? Possibly more importantly, what causes you to gain again?

Can you afford ozempic?

Get up and outside in the sunlight EVERY day before 10am.
Drink a glass of water before every meal.
Get a rowing machine and row every day start with three minutes and add another three every week.

Can you afford wegovy? Or talk to the GP about whether you're eligible for a prescription on the NHS? It really is amazing and will help with the cravings.

You need to tackle why you comfort eat, there is no point in dieting until then or you will end up putting the weight back on.
This level of overeating is self harm.

I dont know if it would help but I am obese and I found something called gloji, I don't know if they do it in your area but it's alot of videos to watch and think about.
Also it's free
You get calls each week and you talk through the videos that week.
You think about why you over eat, what emotions cause it ect

My biggest thing breakthrough was that i learned that just because i opened a pack of biscuits I didn't have to finish it or feel bad that I had done it but that I should be proud I was able to say that's enough.

Well done for reaching out for help x

If you think you have sleep apnea you should talk to GP and get a referral. It is very important.

I absolutely understand being obese. I'm currently on a weight loss journey myself. Like you, I struggle a lot with emotional eating. Someone recommended Allan Carr's book on stopping emotional eating so I'm about to start reading it!

My current thinking is that I just can't have my go-to emotional eating foods in the house. If there's a big bar of chocolate, my brain just niggles about it until I eat it, so I just can't buy it.

Fancy joining a thread over on the weight loss chat board? There are some for people with more weight to lose, and everyone is very supportive and using a variety of techniques to lose. Worth a nose!

It sounds like you have a lot going on and you'll get a million different responses but my two pennies is this: tiny changes. Swap a massive thick slice of white toast slathered in butter for two of wholemeal with marmite or a bit of peanut butter. Swap a bowl of creamy pasta for tomato pasta. If there's a choice of size of packet of crisps or chocolate take the smaller one. It's tiny little choices each time, not a huge overhaul until it becomes normal. Try not to change everything at once, no-one can do that especially not alongside living a normal life with work or whatever.

You need to see your gp about wls and try and get it. Also about SA and diabetes asap

Can you afford a women only gym or similar? Can you go for a walk instead of sitting eating? Think of getting healthy, not losing weight. Try to get counselling if you can. Good luck!

It can be hard to start by yourself. Do a web search of your local council's name plus "health and wellbeing".
Many offer a free support service for getting healthier through diet and gentle exercise and can signpost to local services as well as assigning someone to speak to. It will have a slightly different name depending on where you live eg

Calderdale Better Living Service
new.calderdale.gov.uk/health-and-social-care/better-living-service

Wigan Be Well Service
www.wigan.gov.uk/BeWell/Health-Services/Weight-management/Helping-you-lose-weight-and-be-more-healthy.aspx

Essex Wellbeing Service
www.essexwellbeingservice.co.uk/services/weight-management

I’ll speak to the GP again yeah. I suspect they’ll just say again that there’s not much they can do but I’ll see. No-one’s actually weighed me since 2019, I checked myself at Christmas and got 23 stone 11.

I had surgery back in 2019 (for an unrelated issue) and I remember they were concerned about sleep apnoea back then - and was admitted to hospital in July and when they did obs a few times told me my O2 was a bit lower than it should be.

I had covid over Christmas and was given steroids as deemed ‘high risk’ and that’s given me a shock, I couldn’t breathe for coughing at times.

Definitely can’t afford ozempic but I’ll ask if I’m eligible. It would be a help if I am.

When I’ve regained it’s been after trauma related stuff - I’ve lost four very close people in the last few years, losing another.

I had complex abuse in childhood that’s led to this situation, I remember cramming food when I was little as I couldn’t cope with life. By the time I started talking to others I was 19 and I was already obese with bad habits, the bigger I’ve gotten the harder it’s become as it’s harder and harder to move and your self esteem just drops more and more. I would agree re self harm, I do that in other ways and at times it’s almost like I’m crossed between wanting to soothe myself and wanting to punish myself and others.

When I’ve lost before it’s been a case of cutting out snacks and sweets, cutting out takeaways and smaller portions. I struggle to cook because of anxiety, my friend sent me a huge lot of recipes that were healthy with advice but I still eat rubbish.

I’d love to find a hobby or something that keeps my hands busy definitely.

Knit squares to make a blanket?
You can get knitting needles and random wool at many charity shops.
Put box sets on TV
Don't punish yourself with having miserable food in the house but limit your easy go to snacks

Jigsaw puzzles if you don't want to knit again charity shops are your friend here.

Think about how you will future feel say in July when it's hot if you were a bit, just a bit, lighter this year, lighter a bit more next.

It's going to be a marathon not a sprint.

Apples are amazing, they are crunchy, sweet take a while to eat and are just an apple

Baby steps OP.

You have had so much going on and i know losing weight feels like a massive thing to do. For me I have to retrain my brain, be open to the emotional eating and face it. You have to stop and think about everything you eat and why and it is really hard. It is so easy to inhale the chocolate without tasting it but thinking about what you eat and why will help you cut down. It can be done and you can do it.

Hello, I could relate so much to your post and am the same weight now. I've been massive my whole life but going on olanzapine three years ago has just piled the weight on me and I can't seem to shift it.

If you want a friend send me a message! You're not alone.

What area do you live in? Maybe you live close to one of us and you could start a walking group. Little walk and a chat. Mental health help and a little fresh air whilst moving a little x

To qualify for weight loss surgery in my area you need to prove you’ve been trying to lose weight for 2+ years then get a referral to tier 3 and lose another 5% in 6 months then get a referral to tier 4 which is another couple years of losing weight whilst you wait.

Id make a start on that so it’s an option to consider. Either join something like slimming world or weight watchers, or look up what the process is in your area to get a referral to those. Or go back to GP and ask for a referral to a weight loss program and a set of blood tests to check for diabetes, and whether there are any diabetes prevention programs you could access

OP you are being awfully unkind to yourself OP.

Try and focus on what you can do. Several small changes added up can make a big difference. And you don’t have to do them all at once.

You could take multiple short walks a day, being able to walk ten minutes a great start! Swap out drink calories for diet/ low sugar. Look at swapping snacks for fruit and/or veggies. Focus on making sure your first meal of the day is a good choice!

Just change 3 things that will make a difference: 1) no more takeaways - zero. You can buy supermarket food or cook but ordering a takeaway is not allowed. 2) measure your steps - start small and meet that goal every day just by walking. When you consistently meet the goal then add another 500 steps. Walking is the key to fat loss. 3) Start that hobby! It can be crochet or knitting or crosstitch or jigsaw puzzles, colouring, anything. Just make your hands busy.

Go to your GP and ask to be put on Ozempic or Wegovy. I lost 4 stone last year from the end of February until the beginning of November. I get chronic arthritis so I can't walk much in the cold as it flares up so I stay indoors most of the time over winter. Once it warms up in March I'll be out walking again and hope to lose another 2 stone this year. As you lose a stone you really start to get more energy back. Also ask your GP about Wegovy. These drugs have a few little side effects but after 2-3 weeks your body gets used to them.

Also drink 2-3 litres of water every day. Cut back on carbs. Sometimes I'll just have steak and vegetables or chicken and baked beans so virtually no carbs these nights. I found not buying things meant I couldn't eat them. It did mean no one in the house could have crisps, chocolate or ice cream but it was worth it and DH fitness improved a bit too.

@caringcarer baked beans are pretty high carb not low carb

Could you get a GP referral for slimming world? It isn’t restrictive so there are lots of options for eating and I find the organisation and meal prep is quite good for mental health as it’s a process led exercise. I’m sorry you’re struggling.

I had lunch with my 'fat friends' today. That's what we call ourselves btw, we met at a slimming club and are now heavier than ever! We really support each other, have such a laugh, listen to each others problems and know we are not alone.

We don't go on about food or diets or weight. We talk about our lives, vent and come away feeling lifted and more positive.

Do you have any friends who are supportive? Of you. Who you are, what's going on in your life, people you can moan to?

You will always find people who say, oh, just eat less, have you seen this exercise class, have you tried aqua aerobics, are you doing slimming world, have you tried fasting...etc, etc. I mean, as if we overweight people hadn't thought of any of that 🙄

Bollocks to that!

You need real friends who won't judge and who you can laugh with. You sound lovely and don't be dragged down by your own mind, you are amazing.

Ask your GP for mounjaro. It’s more effective than Wegovy. You can still do the healthy eating but it would make it much easier for you.