Everyone asking ‘when are you back to work?’ when you’re on maternity leave

[Mabelzx]

Maybe it’s partly because I hate my job and don’t ever want to go back… but I noticed it on my first maternity leave too. Within the first minute of bumping into anyone I know for the first time with the baby they will instantly ask when I’m going back to work. I then have to provide some vague answer, while having palpitations at the thought of it. Why are they asking? These people have never taken any interest in my work at literally any other time but suddenly when you’re off after having a baby it seems they must know when you’ll be back at your desk 🤦🏻‍♀️

It's a pass the time type of question, doesn't need to be in depth, just "oh around August " reply will do

It's just small talk.

Come up with a stock answer "after 9 months I expect" or "I think I'll take the whole year"

Then move on.

It's small talk, they don't actually care!

It’s called small talk

A bit confusing you’ve not come across the concept before

People can't win though because I got the opposite and I always hated the fact that they assumed or at least questioned if I was going back at all.

In reality, like pp's have said it is mostly just small talk.

It's a totally normal question. Just be honest with your answer 'I don't want to go back - I'm too busy enjoying this precious time' or 'never if I can help it but I'm sure I'll have to go back sometime' and move on.

Maybe is just small talk but it would never occur to me to ask that when meeting a new mum, I’d ask the obvious baby questions instead. Today I got asked how old my baby was, immediately followed by when I’m going back to work. As I say I think it is just triggering for me when I can think of nothing worse than going back and reallly don’t want anyone to start asking me about it

It’s small talk-it’s human nature. It’s like asking couples if there are wedding bells coming soon, asking newlyweds if there are baby plans, asking new parents when they’ll be having a second or if they’ll be trying for a boy/girl next time. Then you get people asking parents of more than two children if their telly is broken ;)

You’re probably just sensitive about it as you’re not looking forward to it. Just say, ‘not for ages!’ when asked.

Well, they’re not to know you hate your job. Other new mothers flinch from questions about the birth because, unbeknownst to the questioner, it was horrible, or about the size or health of the baby, because the child has been premature or ill. People are just making small talk. They don’t care when or if you’re returning to work.

'Triggering"? What trauma response does it trigger in you?
Honestly this constant looking to be offended or a victim is exhausting.

None of those things are ‘small talk’, though. They’re rude and intrusive.

Honest to God, it's getting so I'm going to give up speaking to anyone.

nothing is ever small talk anymore, it's triggering, offensive, intrusive, boring, predictable, some kind of ism or ist

It is just small talk, most women do go back to work. I agree that asking about marriage or babies is rude and intrusive but this really isn't if you were working before you had the baby the assumption is that you will be going back.

What obvious baby questions do you ask?

Maybe they are triggering for others.

Fine but you're expecting people not to ask you this pretty run of the mill question, when they are not to know.

They are just asking a question and as PPs have said, they really don't care what your answer is.

I can't believe you wrote that @FabFebHalfTerm am so triggered by your rejection of MY TRUTH!!

Are you mn royalty? Are we meant to know about you?

As questions go, that is probably the least offensive I can think of.

What do you think are the ‘obvious baby questions’? bumping could you ask about the baby that are less intrusive or triggering?

How was the birth? Way too personal and invasive, I really don’t want to hear about your stitches.

Sleeping through yet? There were times I would have murdered people if they asked that so, yes, also triggering.

Boy or girl? This is a tough one, without a pink or blue clue, parents might get offended. But even worse, you might get a lecture about letting children choose their own sex.

Definitely can’t ask feeding questions!

Personally, I took any comments about clothes to imply that DC was overdressed or underdressed for the weather. Even ‘what a cute outfit’ would have me double-checking. Definitely my hang up that nobody else could have anticipated.

And if you talk about something other than the baby, maybe Susan from work, they’ll be offended that you didn’t even mention the baby.

Honestly, I think maternity leave is the least offensive question people can come up with, OP.

Let’s face it. If you are bumping into someone in the street for the first time after the birth, you probably aren’t that close to them and they don’t actually about your answer unless they want to justify their own actions in a similar situation.

Is it work in general or that particular job that you find hard to contemplate going back to at the moment?

Blimey.

Oh it’s just small talk, you’re giving it too much headspace! As for it being ‘triggering’, well so could any other question really.

Yeah, small talk. They can hardly say what did you think of the meeting Friday.

It's just something to say, avoiding the minefield of baby related faux pas. If you're triggered, get in there quicker with how you don't even wanna think about work cos you're so absorbed in xyz whatever aspect of baby conversation you'd rather focus on. People aren't mind readers and unless you're a war reporter or somesuch they won't know how traumatic you find it to answer a basic bit of chit chat that they're not even really interested in anyway.

Small talk. Calm down.