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Original poster

What % of invited guests won't come to a wedding?

33 replies

dooolly · 27/02/2024 20:30

Our ideal venue is capped at 100. We have 130 people on our list. Looking at where people stay, health, families etc, it could be quite feasible to get down to even 90 people- but they could also say yes, we'd love to come and then we'd be screwed!

OP posts:
ghostbusters · 27/02/2024 20:42

Depends on what day you're getting married and whether people won't be able to come mid week.

We got married on a bank holiday Saturday in the summer. Venue capped at 70 for the ceremony. Only 2 turned down the invite by the RSVP date. There was 4 or 5 more couldn't make it in the lead up to our wedding so we bumped a few of our evening guests up to day guests. People travelled much further than I thought to come.

I wouldn't invite many more than the cap in case everyone could come. Better to look at bigger venues. Unless you're getting married on a Wednesday and all your guests are teachers.

mnahmnah · 27/02/2024 20:45

We invited 50 and all of them accepted. Two didn’t attend last minute due to childcare issues. But they all accepted!

Precipice · 27/02/2024 20:46

All depends on your invitees. I wouldn't expect to lose 30 people out of 130!

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Original poster
dooolly · 27/02/2024 20:48

It's a Friday in the summer. My dad's family are all elderly and live 3 hours away so will get a courtesy invite but I genuinely don't see them coming. But then they might as we haven't had a family wedding for ages.

Then there's 4 or 5 cousins abroad who would either have to come with spouse + kids or would maybe come alone.

I'd be gutted to book a bigger place for 150 and then only 100 are actually there!

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 27/02/2024 20:53

Every wedding is different there is no correct answer

SpringOfContentment · 27/02/2024 21:01

We invited several extra people "knowing" they wouldn't make it.
They all accepted - including flights from the US, Asia and Australia....
I think you will get quite a high acceptance rate from those numbers.

Mumdiva99 · 27/02/2024 21:06

Why not pick up the phone to these people and ask? "This is what we are planning, we are trying to get an idea of numbers. Do you think you might be able to come?" Especially ask the overseas ones as you really need to accommodate them if they and their family can come.

LittleRedYoshi · 27/02/2024 21:07

It's a bit geeky but we used a formula to try and predict it. For each of the potential guests, we gave them a score of 1, 0.75. 0.5, 0.25 or 0 - according to the probably of them coming. Add those scores together for the whole list and gives a good indication of the actual number you're likely to get (assuming you're right about the likelihood of people coming). It worked pretty well for us - we guessed a few of them wrong but those wrong guesses cancelled each other out, which is the idea.

Original poster
dooolly · 27/02/2024 21:09

Some of the elderly ones will feel pressured to say yes if I phone them.

I've chatted to others and they're all a bit 'oh yes, we'll have a look at flights and let you know!' which isn't a yes and isn't a no.

OP posts:
Autienotnaughtie · 27/02/2024 21:09

I use to work in hospitality as a general rule expect 10% to decline/not attend. But it's not a definite.

For my wedding I invited 80 to the day, 3 declined and I replaced them with evening guests. Then a further 3 didn't come on the day. 2 had a good reason and 1 didn't.

Dacadactyl · 27/02/2024 21:10

I wouldn't expect 30 people not to come.

We invited about 125/130 to our wedding and only 3 didn't come.

gingercat02 · 27/02/2024 21:24

Off the top of my head (it was 22 years ago)

4 of DH cousins (2 live in Africa, 2 are dicks!)
My great aunt and uncle (v old and dementia)
1 school friend of mine 39/40 couldn't travel
We knew none of them would come

One of my cousins got the date wrong and was on holiday

Other than them everyone came, most travelled from all over the UK to a random bit of NI. One couple came from Australia

idontlikealdi · 27/02/2024 21:34

You have to factor for them all to come

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 27/02/2024 21:35

Most people will make an effort to go to a wedding IME.

TheRealKatnissEverdeen · 27/02/2024 21:40

Hi OP
I have an event planning business so get to see some of these numbers across a variety of weddings as guest management is one of the biggest ballaches if wedding planning!.
It's hugely unlikely 30 guests won't attend. I'd say maybe 5 to 7 but if enough notice has been given you'll get the majority on the day.

Good luck

RosesAndHellebores · 27/02/2024 21:44

We had 110. I expected at least 10 of dh's teenage cousins to duck the invitation. Sadly not. Overall one couple declined due to having a pre-booked holiday.

TheRealKatnissEverdeen · 27/02/2024 21:45

Also, as another poster suggested, explain that you're working though logistics so would like to get an indication on whether they think they could attend if (and insert your date, location, time) possible. Give them a few days to consider and then work from there.

Newtrix · 27/02/2024 21:46

Everyone we invited accepted.

NewName24 · 27/02/2024 21:50

It depends on all sorts of things.

Not least (if MN threads are anything to go by) if you are going to make ridiculous demands like making people wear a particular colour.

But I doubt very much that 30 out of 130 people wouldn't come.

But, like a pp said, I would have conversations with people first. If you think that you calling Aunt Mabel will put her under pressure, then get Grandma to do it, or your parents, or whoever chats to them regularly.

MadridMadridMadrid · 27/02/2024 22:05

By my calculations, 30/130 would be a 23% "decline" rate, which would really be very high. I think you'd be mad to book a venue with capacity capped at 100 if you're going to invite 130. A kindly friend or relative may offer to drive the elderly relatives. The ones who live abroad may decide to combine the wedding with a longer visit to the UK.

Bobbyelvis4ever · 28/02/2024 06:16

Going against the grain here, but we had probably similar numbers, and had to invite some people to avoid family tensions - we very much expected they'd decline, and they did. We invited them early, and as they (thankfully swiftly) declined invited others instead. It meant we had to order more invitations. No-one who was invited later would have known that was the case.
7 x declines from Australia
3 x childcare
5 x work
6 x pre-booked holiday
2 x estranged from in-laws
2 x didn't agree with child free weddings

Whilst we were capped at 100 in the day, we were able to have an extra 60 or so in the evening, which worked brilliantly

We very much expected around 15 of this declines

Overthebow · 28/02/2024 06:38

We only had 2 not be able to come.

EndlesslyDistracted · 28/02/2024 06:39

I don't think we had any declines, one pulled out at short notice but that was all.

duckduckgo13 · 01/03/2024 13:49

It sounds like only 10-20 of your guest list lives overseas, in which case I think inviting 130 and expecting 100 may be risky. Are there 20 people that you can keep on the B-list? A guest list of 110 for a venue that fits 100 is much better as you can probably expect 10 to not be able to make it. With overseas guests, you will know pretty well in advance whether or not they can come just because of flights etc so can then extend B-list invitations.

TBF we are expecting 110-120 and invited 160 but a significant proportion of the list lives overseas and we are having a second wedding overseas, which made it much less likely that these guests would come to the UK wedding. And we started with a guest list of 145 expecting 25 drop outs.

Lanawashington · 01/03/2024 14:09

We had quite a few people say to us that we should expect some people not to turn up on the day. We invited 135 people and every single one of them turned up