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Original poster

My mum died tonight

36 replies

Heartbrokenandguilty · 26/02/2024 22:39

That’s it.. I wasn’t there. I live in a different country. I was home with her last week. I can’t believe it. And I had a complicated relationship with her and I feel so bloody awful and guilty and like a shit daughter.

OP posts:
OneFrenchEgg · 26/02/2024 22:40

Heartbrokenandguilty · 26/02/2024 22:39

That’s it.. I wasn’t there. I live in a different country. I was home with her last week. I can’t believe it. And I had a complicated relationship with her and I feel so bloody awful and guilty and like a shit daughter.

I'm so sorry. You're not a terrible daughter. We do the best we can with what we have and what we know.

ManyATrueWord · 26/02/2024 22:40

Hugs and sympathy.

SweetBirdsong · 26/02/2024 22:40

So sorry to hear this, and how heartbreaking that you were in a different country. But you are NOT a shit daughter. Flowers Please don't say that about yourself.

TwylaSands · 26/02/2024 22:41

it is common for people to hold on until their loved ones have left. Im sure you're not a shit daughter.

FlippityFloppityFlump · 26/02/2024 22:41

I'm so sorry. You are not a terrible daughter at all.

SirVixofVixHall · 26/02/2024 22:42

I am so sorry OP. It sound unexpected? That is a huge shock. Even harder as you are far away. Do you have anyone with you ?

omega4ever · 26/02/2024 22:42

I'm so very sorry ... you were with her last week... that really matters and I hope in time will comfort you. Please be kind to yourself and let those around you help uo take care of you. X

Ohmum50 · 26/02/2024 22:43

youre not shit. You care.. you are caring hard right now so you’re not shit. We do what we can with what we are equipped and what we are presented with. deep breath and try to remember some positive times if you can

SkaneTos · 26/02/2024 22:44

My condolences, OP.

Be kind to yourself.

Fiddlerdragon · 26/02/2024 22:44

Honestly, no one’s normally there when their loved ones die. You don’t get a time of death in advance. I’m sure you’d have been there if you’d have known? You were there for her last week. And being very judgmental, I’d say that most complicated child/parent relationships were caused or at least not helped by the parent. You clearly cared about her

Squidwardthesnail · 26/02/2024 22:44

I'm so sorry. You're not a shit daughter. When it comes to a complicated relationship nothing is ever simple. But you are not a shit daughter. We all do our best with our families with the hands we are dealt. Doesn't change the pain xx

Original poster
Heartbrokenandguilty · 26/02/2024 22:45

She was just out of hospital. I looked after her when I went back but she seemed a lot better. She was elderly and frail but it was very quick. I rang her tonight and my sister told me to call back in 20 mins as my mum was in the bathroom. Then I got a call 10 mins later to say she had collapsed on her way into the kitchen . Just doesn’t feel real.
Thank you all so much for your support. Have to get through the night now before the flight home

OP posts:
pizzaHeart · 26/02/2024 22:46

Sorry for your loss Flowers

Thymeforbed · 26/02/2024 22:49

That's very sudden, such a shock for you. I'm sorry. Try to be kind to yourself. You did the best you could with the knowledge and resources that you had. She was in hospital, you visited her, you even were thinking of her and phoning her this evening.

Diamondglintsonsnow · 26/02/2024 22:54

I’m so sorry for your loss, having lost my dear mum just over three months ago. All I can say that in spite of any complicated relationship you had with each other your mother loved you regardless. Be kind to yourself.

whatausername · 26/02/2024 23:04

I'm sorry. Be kind to yourself, not just physically but emotionally and psychologically too. You evidently cared, you had called her tonight.

Moonshine5 · 26/02/2024 23:07

I'm sorry. Release yourself

Bringtheweatherwithyou · 26/02/2024 23:10

I'm sorry to read about your mum. You are not a terrible daughter. Guilt has a funny old habit of invading our thoughts and making us focus on our perceived shortcomings. Complicated relationships will always have guilt attached but it doesn't mean guilt is warranted. x

Soonenough · 26/02/2024 23:13

Sounds like it happened so quick that your mother had no chance to be in fear or pain. Be glad that your last visit was a happy one and she knew you cared about her . You were there when it mattered. May your good memories bring you some comfort.

Lovethistimeofyear · 26/02/2024 23:18

I’m so sorry you’ve lost your mum.

It sounds like, despite your complicated relationship, you tried your best and you were still there for her.

Sending you love and strength

Treehuggingmutherfunkin · 26/02/2024 23:19

It's not your fault and you will get past this

Luckyducky123 · 26/02/2024 23:22

My condolences to you during this very difficult time. Sending hugs your way xx

2024Melanie · 26/02/2024 23:24

Sorry to read this. Sending you a hug ❤️

TiredMum30 · 26/02/2024 23:28

So sorry for your loss. Be kind to yourself 💐

Wallabyone · 26/02/2024 23:29

I'm so sorry for your loss xx