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Original poster

Tell us something awful you did as a kid.

726 replies

Friedchickenrocks · 26/02/2024 20:59

Aged about 8 our grandad was staying with us and I hid his glasses. Nobody thought it was me but he knew. He was literally almost blind for a week and even went poking with his walking stick down the loo. "I know it's her. I just know it, little bitch" Eventually they magically re-appeared on the sideboard. I never did own up and my mum never thought it could possibly be her blue eyed girl.

OP posts:
JustEatTheOneInTheBallPit · 27/02/2024 12:53

I accidentally poisoned every single one of our chickens by feeding them all flowers from the lavatera bush (a kind of mallow). I pushed them through the gaps in the chicken wire.

The rubbery bits on the top of their heads turned a funny colour and they died one by one. I absolutely know in my heart it was me and, to this day, I still feel awful about it.

In defence of my crime, they gobbled down those flowers. They seemed to LOVE them. I fed them dozens of them every day while no one was looking.

I was horrified when my dad brought the chicken encyclopaedia in from the dining room one night, spent some time leafing through it and then announced gravely to my mum that “The girls must have eaten something they shouldn’t. Their combs have changed and that means poison.”

I stopped the lavatera feeding immediately but it was too late. Every single one of them ended up wrapped in a towel and chucked in the skip at my dad’s work. (Our 1980s family solution to all dead pets, I’m afraid)

ManchesterLu · 27/02/2024 12:54

I was on holiday in France and made friends with a few kids because we were all playing Pokemon on our gameboys. One of them temporarily traded a L100 Charizard with me so I could win the Pokemon league. He said I could keep it overnight until I won, and then trade back. I knew full well I was leaving in the morning, and I still have the little guy to this day. It was horrific. I was 8.

rouwina · 27/02/2024 12:55

I had this 'tit for tat' thing going on with a lad in senior school; so prob around 13/14 whereby we would try and sneak a drawing pin on each others chairs without the other noticing and hoping they'd sit on it.

I had similar with friends and the 'tit for tat' jokes. Especially one boy who was one of my best friends. Our parents, both sets, strongly objected when they became the accidental brunt of the joke (for example when someone arrived to do a home hearing check on an amusing version of friend's name - I think the company was called Hidden Hearing)

I remember that when my friend telephoned my house I would also pretend it wasn't me and would say 'sadly Rouwina passed away yesterday' and variations of. This joke worked best after my sister answered the phone one day when I wasn't home; he thought it was me and refused to believe her, telling her to stop it, calling her by our surname as he used to. He was very embarrassed afterwards.

I used to be a master of handwriting and would play lots of jokes that way. I left a note applying for the position of head girl (nobody wanted to do it) for one of my friends. Pledging, amongst other things, to set up a religious youth club for upper school (RC school). It was believed and she was asked about it.

These things were taken in good humour, though it was necessary to always watch my own back 😀

Mummyofbananas · 27/02/2024 13:01

DecisionFatigue · 27/02/2024 12:45

I know an ex-social worker who said she never believed any children were born evil until she had to look after Jon Venables in a secure home, he microwaved the house pet hamster one day and showed no remorse at all.

If my child received a Christmas card saying “I hope you have a shit Christmas” from a 6 year old I would really laugh, like what did they do to you?! Grin

I found the christmas card one funny too- obviously if it was my own child they'd be in trouble but a six year old would find that hillarious.

Jb2182 · 27/02/2024 13:05

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 26/02/2024 21:43

If it helps my brother used to set fire to ants with his magnifying glass as a kid. Grin

Show quote history

My brother used to buy that cheap, coloured hairspray in a can and spray paint ants silver because then it made them "robot ants." They died immediately obviously 😕

Autienotnaughtie · 27/02/2024 13:06

@UnctuousUnicorns I'm not a gardener either but I don't think so!!

11NigelTufnel · 27/02/2024 13:08

My nan had textured stripes wallpaper in the bathroom. I was compelled to pick bits off the stripes every time we visited. She asked me once why there were white bits over the floor, so from then on I made sure to flush the evidence. Poor nan never told me off or told my parents. I hadn't done it for years, but we went back to her house on the day of her funeral and I had one last go for old times sake.

Chattygirl123 · 27/02/2024 13:08

HelloDarlingWhatAreYouDoingHere · 26/02/2024 21:46

Leaving a note for the Milkman from the very sweet and elderly neighbour -

"No milk today, I'm sick of the crap."

Laughed out loud at this one!!

Poppasocks · 27/02/2024 13:11

I put blusher on our family dog when I was 7... my mum nearly took it to the vets...

Bookist · 27/02/2024 13:13

girljulian · 26/02/2024 22:42

I was a Machiavellian little bitch. I hated other children as a child because they were so (to me) boring and stupid and I wanted to be left alone to read my book, so whenever "playtime" was insisted upon, I'd be awful, but everyone thought I was so calm and solemn and clever that I couldn't possibly be the troublemaker.

  1. Was forced to have my mother's friend's daughter in my room to "play". I hated having anyone in my room. I tore bits off the frieze and said she'd done it, and cut the straps of her dungarees then told her mother she'd done both things herself. They believed me.
  2. The woman who came to our house to cut my mother's hair once brought her two children with her. They messed up my meticulously organised toys so when they went outside into the garden, I locked the door and they were outside shouting for about an hour while my mother was getting her hair cut. I tidied the toys back up and ignored them.
  3. Was tasked with "looking after" a poor boy in my class who clearly had special needs. We were supposed to unpin things from a board in the classroom. I dropped the drawing pins all over the carpet because I couldn't be bothered to put them back in the box; he sat down on them and started to cry. I told the teacher he must have been the one who'd dropped them there.
  4. There was a girl at nursery school with me (we were three) who had the same name as me, which I resented. She thought it made us friends; I thought she was thick and annoying so I scribbled all over her name tag thing that hung on the peg for her coat, and then told the teacher she'd done it herself because she didn't understand tracing (they often made us trace our names as a task)

...starting to wonder if I was a genuine psychopath now

That's ever so slightly disturbing.

Spittykid · 27/02/2024 13:16

Name changed as a couple of people know about this in real life.
When I was a child if there was a grown up I didn’t like, I would spit in their drink when they weren’t looking.

GinAndJuice99 · 27/02/2024 13:18

Appleass · 27/02/2024 09:32

This is so spiteful even at 8yrs old, are you a psychopath?

Show quote history

If the old guy referred to his eight year old granddaughter as a 'little bitch' he probably deserved it

rouwina · 27/02/2024 13:25

If the old guy referred to his eight year old granddaughter as a 'little bitch' he probably deserved it

Absolutely.

Madlymumming · 27/02/2024 13:27

I was about 3 or 4. Playing in the garden with a friend. When friend went home mum thought she looked different but didn't think anymore, until she went to peg washing out and found the little girls curly hair in the peg bag.

I'd cut her fringe off. 😳

redalex261 · 27/02/2024 13:28

Not me (well sort of) I urged my younger sister to cut my dad’s hair off whilst he napped in front of the fire. I also got her to ask what sodomy and a wanker was during separate family dinners (I knew they were bad but had no clue). I also used to climb into her bed sometimes during night as we shared room. on one occasion I woke up as I had wet the bed. I returned to my own bed and she was blamed. Reading this I can see I was a bad sister! We are super close now!!🤣🤣

babyproblems · 27/02/2024 13:31

not me bit my brother - he shot my parents neighbour, who was in his garden, with a BB gun out of his bedroom window!! He obvs denied he did it. I remember him being severely grounded!!!

Nightowl1234 · 27/02/2024 13:32

girljulian · 26/02/2024 22:42

I was a Machiavellian little bitch. I hated other children as a child because they were so (to me) boring and stupid and I wanted to be left alone to read my book, so whenever "playtime" was insisted upon, I'd be awful, but everyone thought I was so calm and solemn and clever that I couldn't possibly be the troublemaker.

  1. Was forced to have my mother's friend's daughter in my room to "play". I hated having anyone in my room. I tore bits off the frieze and said she'd done it, and cut the straps of her dungarees then told her mother she'd done both things herself. They believed me.
  2. The woman who came to our house to cut my mother's hair once brought her two children with her. They messed up my meticulously organised toys so when they went outside into the garden, I locked the door and they were outside shouting for about an hour while my mother was getting her hair cut. I tidied the toys back up and ignored them.
  3. Was tasked with "looking after" a poor boy in my class who clearly had special needs. We were supposed to unpin things from a board in the classroom. I dropped the drawing pins all over the carpet because I couldn't be bothered to put them back in the box; he sat down on them and started to cry. I told the teacher he must have been the one who'd dropped them there.
  4. There was a girl at nursery school with me (we were three) who had the same name as me, which I resented. She thought it made us friends; I thought she was thick and annoying so I scribbled all over her name tag thing that hung on the peg for her coat, and then told the teacher she'd done it herself because she didn't understand tracing (they often made us trace our names as a task)

...starting to wonder if I was a genuine psychopath now

Honestly? Yes, you were (and maybe still are!). This is exactly the type of childhood behaviour I imagine psychiatrists studying to work out what caused someone to murder and dismember 42 hitchhikers 😬😲

Whataterror · 27/02/2024 13:32

My mum wouldn’t let me have a second helping of cake after dinner, so I sneaked upstairs with tomato ketchup, smeared it on myself and called Childline. How dreadful is that! The police turned up at the door soon after and questioned both myself and my mum separately and I was put on the at risk register for several years - or so my mum always told me.

Lorrymum · 27/02/2024 13:34

I fell in love with the tiny baby frogs produced from the frog spawn my fellow class mate had carefully collected. I desperately wanted one and quietly stole one in a jam jar. I smuggled it into my house and kept the poor little thing in a bathroom cupboard until he eventually died after being fed a constant diet of bread crusts. Can't believe I was so cruel although I must have only been 6 or 7.

rogueone · 27/02/2024 13:35

My young sister was a pain in arse so when she was in the bath I brought in a plastic cup and said it was juice. She drank some and spat it out- It was my wee
I was about 9 and she was 6

rogueone · 27/02/2024 13:36

hmm I also used to chase my sisters with a shitty stick

I am a better person now - I promise

Menomeno · 27/02/2024 13:40

When I was about 10 I broke into the meter on the back of the TV (back when TVs were rented) with a knife, stole all the 50ps and took all the kids on our close to the seaside for the day on the bus. We had a brilliant time! 40 years later my Mum still thinks we were burgled.

cannaecookrisotto · 27/02/2024 13:40

This is probably outing but I collected some young frogs and popped them in a celebrations tin. I'd cut holes in the lid, added water, some foliage and rocks. Thought I had a proper little frog oasis.

Left it on the back doorstep in direct sunlight on like a 27c day.

You can imagine what I was presented with when I opened the lid. Traumatised the fuck out of me 😂.

catsandcans · 27/02/2024 13:42

When I was like 11 we used to go to the top deck of the school bus and squirt water and throw yoghurt from our lunches at the people walking by. To be honest I did it because it made the older kids laugh and I wanted to be cool. Was all good till some guy flagged the bus down and started screaming at us and the driver had to stop him coming on and I started crying. He also reported us, so we got bollocked by the teachers and had to have a teacher come on the bus with us for a term. Lesson learned.

Red0 · 27/02/2024 13:52

Pooed in a B&Q display toilet. Didn’t wipe. Just closed the lid and went on my way.