What shall my surname be when I get married?

[NameChangeHereandThere]

I currently still have exH's surname, same as the kids. I am due to get married in the summer but the kids don't want me to change. STBDH doesn't really mind and has offered to change his name to match mine and the kids but I think his parents would be funny about it as he is an only child. We do a lot of travelling though, so want to match the kids so I don't get any issues with passports etc.

So,

Do I stay Ms Jones and match the kids but not STBH?
Or Ms Jones-Smith and match both?
Or Ms Smith and but match the kids at all?

Would you think it was weird if I went Jones-Smith when I'm not married to Jones anymore? I'm a teacher too so I will hear whatever I choose approx a million times a day, so I need to be happy with it.

I'm so confused 😂

You won’t get issues with passports. That’s a very old fashioned idea. Lots of mums have different surnames to their kids.

I think I’d probably choose jones-smith. I wouldn’t think it was weird to keep your name after divorce at all - it’s your name now too.

I actually don’t think that’s true @Lumiodes - I got stopped last year because my passport has a different surname to my kids.

You could make a completely new name up and change all of your names (including children) to that?

Like Smones, or Jith, or something completely unrelated.

I’d stay Ms Jones. Lots of women don’t change their name on marriage.

I'm remarried. My sons with my ex-husband have his last name because I was young and foolish!
My married name now is (Ms) My Family Name - His Family Name. Husband double-barrelled too. Our daughter is also.
I'm also a teacher and go by Miss My Family Name as didn't want to change. The kids ask lots of questions when I tell them yes I am married, but I encourage that 😀

And then what? Since when has 'having the same surname' been proof of any kind of relationship? Let alone an indication that you are legally entitled to take a child out of the country?

And then what? Since when has 'having the same surname' been proof of any kind of relationship? Let alone an indication that you are legally entitled to take a child out of the country?

In my case I had to produce the notarised letter from DH saying I had permission. I did have a different nationality to DD as well but the surname didn't help.

I'd do Jones, OP. It's not your ex's name, it's your name.

Did you have a copy of their birth certificates with you?

They do ask you to prove your relationship to the child if you don't share a surname. Of course sharing a surname doesn't prove you're related but it makes it more likely that you are. I've travelled a LOT with DC (dad lived abroad) and I've been asked for a copy of the BC probably about 20% of times on the UK side. Never been asked to prove consent from the father though.

To be fair it's more likely to be the nationality than the surname. My XH (not EU/UK National) shares a surname but on one occasion they phoned me to check I consented to him taking DC out of the UK. I assumed because DC is British and he is not.

I'd keep your current name, especially as your kids have it. It isn't your ex's name, it's yours.

Never been asked to prove consent from the father though.

Canada. Which I've heard is really hot on it.

OP I would leave my surname as it is in your position. Why do you feel you have to add new husband's name? because you have old husband's name? It's not only his now, it's yours as much as your birth surname is. No need to change unless you really want to.

I've only ever been asked about our relationship at the UK border. Never anywhere else.

This ^^

Can't you change your name in work to Mrs Smith (if that's what you want?)
But be Jones-Smith on your passport?
I only changed my driving licence after 20 years of marriage.

If the surname did 'help', that really would be a worry!

Stay mrs jones. Your children are more important here. And why would your stbdh care? People dont usually use surnames in daily life.

i know lots of teachers who use two different names. They keep the original surname at work and use their husbands surname outside of school. I used both for years.

I have the same name as my kids. I have had to provide this letter too. It's not a name thing.

This. DH, DS and I all have different surnames and we travel a lot.

Let him change his name - who cares what his parents think? Or he could double-barrel if he wants to retain his name?

You can have the same surname as your kids, and get stopped and questioned.
Thankfully DH was in the airport.
I've carried birth certs and photocopy of DHs passport with a not from him giving permission since then, but never had to produce them.

So, take "same name for ease of travel" off your list.
What surname do you want?

I'd double barrel, let DH do what he wants. Is Ex likely to be bothered about your new DH taking "his" name on?

Keep your actual name. Let your DH make his own choice.