Has anyone had/needed more than a couple of weeks off work following bereavement of a parent?

[Greenscarf1]

Seems around 2 weeks is pretty common but having just lost my parent, I feel no way ready to be back - exhausted and emotional. Wondering if the way they died or their age or something about the circumstances can make it harder. Plus whether work is a good distraction or not which is quite individual?

I went back as I was just sat around brooding, everyone else back to work/normal. In hind sight it was too soon.

My Dad died very suddenly & my brother & I were both off work for 4/5 weeks.

Though neither of us were in jobs where you could just take it easy or finish early if you were struggling

It was the right amount for us & both our employers were very understanding as were our GPs who signed us off

I went back after two weeks as I thought work would be a good distraction. It was too soon and I worked for another few weeks and had to go off again for a bit longer. Everyone is completely different though

I had three weeks off with my dad due to the circumstances of his death and the fact we had to sort out the estate. Mum died some years before him and I barely took any time off - I was in complete shock and kept going which was a complete mistake in retrospect.

My friend took a year off work. She spent that time eating and sleeping. It wasn't a good decision.

Grief is a thing that’s totally personal, how you cope would be different from how I would cope for example. Be kind to yourself and take whatever time you need and I’m sorry for your loss 💐

My dad passed in October, one of my sisters was off for 4 weeks, one of my brothers was only able to take off 2 days!! I think it really comes down to each individual person and how flexible the company they work for is.

When my mum died I went straight back to work, a couple of days off, a day for the funeral. It was the wrong thing todo, it hit me about 4 months later and I was a mess for a while. That was 27 years ago and I my first child was just 14 months old so a tough time. I still have my moments, think I always will.

when dad died, he lived abroad so it took me a week to sort out things and return to work, my stepmother did everything really, just needed to be there for the funeral and then travel home. I wasn’t close to my dad, and yes 16 years later I have sad days but at the time, I worked full time had 3 children and yes I just had to get on with it, I was fine.

I think what I’m trying to say is, everyone is different, and each lose is different, you need todo what you need todo. But I would advise you grieve but don’t let it consume you, you need to live.

Hae 3 days off and the day of the funeral. I think that keeping busy helps. Obviously depends on circumstances.

I just wanted to add, my rector said to me, my mother gave me live not to grieve, the best way for me to honour her is to live my life to the full

I needed, and took, three months off. I was signed off sick for that time. I had been unwell anyway and the toll of having to look after everything after she died just took me over the edge.

I don't think there is any one fits all rule - I was just very lucky to have an understanding employer and I'm still working for them 11 years on.

I took off over a year. My mother’s death had a catastrophic impact on me and my life has been changed forever.

My mum died suddenly. I took 4 weeks off. Went back and wished I took longer. It wasn’t a distraction as I was grumpy and not nice to be round.

but i never experienced this before and think was listening to people saying get back to normal

I worked pretty much straight away, my business was fucked from Covid and having to provide support to both of my DPs before my DF's death and I felt everything was just going to collapse if I didn't work. I felt I was okay emotionally, just stressed, but then I was diagnosed with cancer two years later and I will always wonder if the stress and its effect on my immune system was why. My parents refused to get care before all this happened and that's partly why my life was is thrown into crisis. I think the pressure to work when we are going through any issue like this is really hard.

I was off work for 6 weeks after my mum passed away, there was no way I could focus on work until after we had buried her. Even then I was still tearful and not very robust if work was hectic. 2 weeks is nothing.

My brother died December 2022 I was floored! Took 2 weeks of standard bereavement leave then it was Christmas break, but wasn't ready to go back so was able to take another month off after that. So had about 7 weeks off in total.
Then returned to work and was back 3 weeks and handed my notice in. I was so unhappy.
Had another month off then started another job. Stayed there for 8 months then left that job to return to my old company.
My head has been severely messed up and still is to a certain extent coupled with going through menopause too

I took 6 weeks off and was on restricted duties for another 4 weeks following my mums death. My job at the time meant I had to be on top of things all the time and I honestly couldn’t trust my judgement for complex situations and vulnerable people.

I wish I knew to go to the GP and get signed off, managers at work expected this, whereas I thought anything over the three day policy wasn't the "done thing".

I took a week’s special leave in the days before and after my mum’s death and went back to work 3 weeks after she died, the day after the funeral.

I kept insisting I was fine to cut short my fit note (and indeed did do a few bits) but really I wasn’t OK and was in not fit state to make any decisions or check anyone’s work.

It all depends on circumstances.

I took a week when my Dad passed away and I was a teenager at college, my mum thought is best at the time I didn't miss too much and was back to a sense of normality. It was the right decision for me.
When my mum passed away I took two weeks just from a practical point of view but dropped into work to check in. I took further time off in the 3rd week again for practical reasons .

There is no right or wrong , everyone is different for me I knew being at home alone would not be good for me. It was almost an escape during the day to be at work.

My dad died on New Year's Eve 27 years ago which was a Tuesday - I was due back in on the Thursday but took the rest of that week off and went back to work the following Monday. I had the day off for the funeral.

My boss was great. I had phoned him to let him know my situation, and he told me not to worry, sorted out my compassionate leave with HR and informed my immediate team so I would have no unexpected questions as to why I'd taken extra time off when I returned to the office.

Mum and dad had long been divorced, and my dad had remarried. He'd had a couple of minor heart attacks and angina for many years, so whilst his death still came as a shock it wasn't unexpected. I did grieve for a long time (and still do) but couldn't see what I could achieve by staying at home. I needed stability, routine, and the strength and friendship of my workmates around me. DH had to go into work so I would have just been at home on my own which wouldn't have helped.

Seems around 2 weeks is pretty common but having just lost my parent, I feel no way ready to be back - exhausted and emotional. Wondering if the way they died or their age or something about the circumstances can make it harder.

I’d also say that leave following bereavement is a business decision and in no way related to the process of grieving. Organisations give the time that they, as a business, can afford or consider reasonable.

The grieving process is very individual and yes the manner of death, age, quality of relationship can all impact. I’d say most people need more time than their employer gives as a standard, but many feel there’s an expectation that they be back at work after x days leave and try to fit their emotions into the time given.

As a therapist I often see people who just didn’t have time to grieve following a loss. If you think about it 2 weeks basically gives you time to plan a funeral and attend to practicalities - it’s often once those things are done that you actually have time to recognise and give space to your own emotions. If you need more time take it.

I went straight back to work. My Mum had been ill for a very long time and I had reduced my hours to help with her care at home. To be perfectly honest, I needed to get back to some normality as it was so so difficult and emotionally draining. It was the right decision for me. We have to accept death as a part of life and while we all need time to grieve, I personally don't think it's healthy to stop the clocks as it were. It is not going to bring that person back and it doesn't help your mental health. Obviously this is what was right for me based on my own experiences. Everybody is different. My Mum certainly would have told me to get on if she could have.

When my DF passed away I'd literally changed jobs three weeks before, got married and was booked off on honeymoon, so I took three days off officially due to his passing (extra two was included as honeymoon). I had to deal with opening wedding presents, sorting Probate and closing my DF's business down for my DM. Yes, I was exhausted, stressed, bereaved, but it was probably the weeks that followed that I'd have needed time off. We're all different though.

Where I work now, it's a strict five days off with one day being paid.

My DF died at 55 in a traumatic way. My MIL passed away at 83 following a battle with cancer, and we were present - DH said he was actually ok with what had happened, she'd had a good life, had been well looked after and supported in her last few months. He took day of death off and funeral and then flexi time for a couple of appointments. I think my DF's death hit me harder than DH but obviously I had other personal factors to deal with that lots don't, but it could be a case age and circumstances add to how someone grieves.

@TheFormidableMrsC death is very much a part of life and I think when someone has been poorly for a while and dies perhaps it's easier to accept than when it's unexpected.
My brother was only 47 when he died and totally out of the blue. I felt like I'd been hit by a train is the way I can describe it.
I don't feel guilty about the time I had off work.