Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

What to do about this dog walking man

63 replies

Odddogwalkyman · 25/02/2024 14:10

Every single day he is out with his very misbehaved dog, he's had at least one dog removed from him already.

Having spoken to a few other dog walkers this seems to be a common theme with him for lone women, shockingly enough, never men.

When I see him coming in my direction I move out the way, or change directions, and he always goes out of his way to follow and try and talk.

I'm currently doing offlead training, there's a massive space where I can do this, and I pop my dog back on lead when there's others about, but generally most people stick to the path and leave us to it, as I do when I'm walking and see others training in that space.

This bloke always comes over to the space I'm in and starts talking, I tell him that I'm busy and walk away, but he follows asking if I need poop bags or offering me his dogs old clothes (my dog is much larger and wouldn't fit anyway) or asking stupid bloody questions. Sometimes I just stand and not say anything, and just get my dog to sit and behave, it's impossible to carry on with her training as his dog is so jumpy and barky. He just doesn't get anything at all, and it's ruining my walks and my dogs training. He doesn't get being blatant, being rude, being polite, he acts the same regardless.

I've even tried going at different times but he's around 80% of the time.

I just don't know what to do, there's nowhere else to go walking really, definitely nowhere else to train her that's close by, and it's a really lovely space, that's just ruined by this guy getting in my space nearly every day.

I've spoken to at least 5 other woman he is like this with, and he does it if I'm talking to another woman too.

He isn't nasty or threatening so I can't report him to anyone.

I'm at a total loss as to what to do anymore.

OP posts:
EnterFunnyNameHere · 26/02/2024 14:27

RagnarRagnar · 26/02/2024 12:25

(Dons flack jacket)
apologies to anyone who feels mortally offended by my post that was not my intention. I just thought I should counteract the call the cops/ hang him now posts which seem to proliferate mumsnet these days. If OP feels is a wider problem then indeed try and get some help with it. Nor did I mean OP was not being kind or compassionate. A lot of posts above do not display this sentiment.

But why did you feel the need to counteract advice to ring the police? Why is ringing the police in a situation where multiple women are being intimidated and harassed by a man not an appropriate action?

I didn't notice any posters suggesting lying to the police to make them take action, or forming a mob to run this guy out of town. Letting the police know there's a fella who regularly intimidates and harasses women seems totally proportionate to me - I'm not sure why it needed "counteracting"?

Mumsanetta · 26/02/2024 14:46

@RagnarRagnar (Dons flack jacket)
apologies to anyone who feels mortally offended by my post that was not my intention. I just thought I should counteract the call the cops/ hang him now posts which seem to proliferate mumsnet these days. If OP feels is a wider problem then indeed try and get some help with it. Nor did I mean OP was not being kind or compassionate. A lot of posts above do not display this sentiment.

This makes no sense. Literally everything the OP has said points to a wider problem and she is indeed trying to get some help with it but you are telling her to consider whether the stalker is autistic instead.

You also said this “Please have some compassion and kindness.” in a post addressed to OP, which reads a lot like you did mean OP was not being kind or compassionate.

It’s one thing to add much needed balance to a thread, it’s quite another to just “counteract” what everyone else is saying for the sake of it.

SerafinasGoose · 26/02/2024 14:48

RagnarRagnar · 26/02/2024 12:25

(Dons flack jacket)
apologies to anyone who feels mortally offended by my post that was not my intention. I just thought I should counteract the call the cops/ hang him now posts which seem to proliferate mumsnet these days. If OP feels is a wider problem then indeed try and get some help with it. Nor did I mean OP was not being kind or compassionate. A lot of posts above do not display this sentiment.

Your post doesn't display this sentiment either. You don't occupy any form of moral high ground here. Being kind isn't the job automatically allocated to women. Strange how no one ever suggests that they are the ones to whom 'kindness' is owed, particularly when they happen to be experiencing the discomfort they are expected to suck up by default.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

RagnarRagnar · 26/02/2024 15:34

I read the initial thread and immediately thought he was possibly autistic. The op also states he is not nasty or threatening. So I said be kind he’s probably just a bit lonely. But apparently I’m enabling all men to harass women. Wtf

Aquamarine1029 · 26/02/2024 15:40

RagnarRagnar · 26/02/2024 15:34

I read the initial thread and immediately thought he was possibly autistic. The op also states he is not nasty or threatening. So I said be kind he’s probably just a bit lonely. But apparently I’m enabling all men to harass women. Wtf

A man having autism does not give him a free pass to harass and follow women after being told to stop, which absolutely is threatening behaviour, and his supposed loneliness is not any woman's problem to solve.

pickledandpuzzled · 26/02/2024 15:58

Discuss with the other walkers.
Agree to film him as you tell him to please go away and stop following you as it makes you uncomfortable.

Inform police.

Do not use social media. Likelihood is that someone will take it upon themselves to threaten him.

pickledandpuzzled · 26/02/2024 16:00

RagnarRagnar · 26/02/2024 15:34

I read the initial thread and immediately thought he was possibly autistic. The op also states he is not nasty or threatening. So I said be kind he’s probably just a bit lonely. But apparently I’m enabling all men to harass women. Wtf

Parent to ASD son here.

DS has been taught he mustn’t follow people around talking at them- for his safety and do theirs.

The world does not owe DS an ear. There are appropriate ways to assess loneliness and isolation. Following women about talking at them is not one.

Odddogwalkyman · 26/02/2024 16:01

RagnarRagnar · 26/02/2024 15:34

I read the initial thread and immediately thought he was possibly autistic. The op also states he is not nasty or threatening. So I said be kind he’s probably just a bit lonely. But apparently I’m enabling all men to harass women. Wtf

Do you have a daughter?

Would you advise her to be kind to a guy was following her around the park talking to her every day for months when she made it clear that wasn't interested in conversation, and she had changed direction, stood out of the way, blatantly ignored him etc to drive the message home?

Would you really say "yes sweetheart I know he's following you and ignoring your express wishes to be left alone, but just be nice, he might be lonely".

I have been kind, it got me nowhere. I, and other woman in the park, just want to walk and train our dogs and pass pleasantries sometimes. It's not too much to ask.

I'm honestly too busy trying to deal with all the shit I have going on in my own life, this man isn't my responsibility, especially as he invades the only time I ever get to myself as well.

I'm so bloody done with this 'be kind' crap, and I am not raising my daughters to be kind to any old creepy guy for the sake of it either.

OP posts:
ownedbymydog · 26/02/2024 16:12

@RagnarRagnar
Don’t know about ‘enabling’ it, but you’re definitely excusing it.

Mumsanetta · 26/02/2024 16:13

Aquamarine1029 · 26/02/2024 15:40

A man having autism does not give him a free pass to harass and follow women after being told to stop, which absolutely is threatening behaviour, and his supposed loneliness is not any woman's problem to solve.

Quite.

The man doesn’t have to be threatening or nasty to be harassing and thus breaking the law.

@RagnarRagnar you can double (treble) down on your initial post which was wildly off the mark or just agree that you got it wrong.

Potentialmadcatlady · 26/02/2024 16:13

Wondered how long it would take before it got to the ‘he probo has asd’ route.
My adult DS has adhd/asd. He would never follow women and knows social cues.
I really wish everyone would stop with the ‘he must have asd’ tripe on posts like these.

DaftFlerken · 26/02/2024 16:14

Just tell him that you are training your dog & he is making you feel uncomfortable & to please leave you alone.

pickledandpuzzled · 26/02/2024 18:05

DaftFlerken · 26/02/2024 16:14

Just tell him that you are training your dog & he is making you feel uncomfortable & to please leave you alone.

Like she already has multiple times? As have the other women he pesters?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page