Odd man who says hello

[Chilto]

I walk my year 6 child to school, crossing 3 roads. Sometimes we encounter a man who’s about 30s and he says hello. I mutter a hello back, but we don’t know him and tbh I get slightly bad vibes from him (hard to explain). But the man has obviously done nothing wrong.
To get ready for secondary school I am considering letting dc walk to school alone, but am worried they might encounter the man! I have explained to dc that we don’t actually know the man but that I respond to hello out of politeness and if it happens to them they can mutter hello but must keep walking, don’t stop. I also said that adults shouldn’t talk to kids on their own so if it happens they should let me know.
I am worried re letting dc walk alone. Grateful for any thoughts

Don't ever visit Scotland. Everyone says hello.

Sometimes even Good Morning or Evening. Some even start conversations. Or talk about the weather.

FGS, another generalisation about ND people.

I'm autistic and I don't speak to strangers, nor am I very sociable.

I'm Scottish and more to the point, Glaswegian: people would think you very odd if you didn't say hello or acknowledge them in passing, especially if you lived nearby or shared a common route etc.

Even when I lived in London, almost everybody I met of a day would exchange greetings or just a smile and a nod - I even used to quite regularly have casual chats at bus stops (not even instigated by me). I can never get over the slightly nagging feeling that maybe I was Londoning wrong.

He’s obviously a paedophile/serial killer if he has the audacity to say hello to someone he passes everywhere day 🤔

My husband, who is not nd, says hello to everyone. I'm from a city in SE so find it a bit strange but am. Used to it now as we live in SW in the country. He terrifys people in the street when he visits my family with me with his cheery hellos 🤣

Not at all. If you read my post, I was talking about my own autistic son. This post could literally be about him, when he grows up.

Like you say, all people, ND or not, are different & this is very much like my ND DS.

Sounds like the man could be ND to me

Then the whole of my city and town must be ND. It's normal and lovely here to say hello to anyone you pass on the street. We even strike up conversations with strangers at the bus stop. Imagine that

I’m in Scotland and, other than when I lived in Glasgow city centre only because you walk past so many people, we say hello to everyone we walk past. Even in Glasgow, when it’s a quieter time of day, you’d say hello. Everyone does. A hello/good morning etc. Everyone does. It’s odd to walk past someone, especially in the morning, and not say hello.

Indeed it has. This kind of thread, and they pop up quite frequently, makes me despair.

As we do in my village. But here is a post making it sound suspicious & that really makes me fearful of how easily innocent actions can be misinterpreted. Especially if you don't understand the world & its social cues, like my DS doesn't.

I'm talking about this very much from a personal point of view, as it feels like one of the challenges I have to face as mum to my autistic DS, with his own particular personality & traits.

It’s “hello”, not “come into my van to see my puppies, little child.”

Normal people say hello.

It's called civility.

You were not talking solely about your son.

You said - 'Sounds like the man could be ND to me.'

The man. Not your son. Hence being called out on your sweeping bullshit generalisation.

Think people are being a bit mean, I can see what you're worrying about! I agree with all the PPs, it's usual to say hello, and I'm sure you say hello to lots of other people on your walk to school, it's just this particular man worrying you. And you may or may not be right to be concerned.

I think your advice to keep moving is correct, and as long as it's a fairly busy route I would still let your daughter walk alone, or perhaps she could walk with a friend? Or with you sometimes so he's not sure on any given day if she'll be alone or not? He's probably fine but this might make you feel better?

Assuming he's not a 'generic northerner'?

I have explained to dc that we don’t actually know the man but that I respond to hello out of politeness and if it happens to them they can mutter hello but must keep walking, don’t stop.

That's fine except wtf tell them to 'mutter'? Just say hello like a normal human being, but don't engage in further conversation beyond conventional greetings like 'lovely day isn't it' etc.

I was saying that he could be ND as that is exactly how my ND person is. Could be, not definitely is. But could be, based on personal experience.

Normal people say hello to other people they see on a regular basis.

This makes me so sad... he said hello, he must be a predator. FFS.

Of course, it's perfectly reasonable to tell your DS that when he's alone, he shouldn't be stopping or getting into big chats with strangers, and definitely not go with them etc.

But actually, teaching him to politely greet random members of the community is a GOOD thing and can only help him. There's a lady who takes in sewing at our local dry cleaners. She' been waving and saying hello to me and DS since he was a baby. I dropped some stuff in there recently and she told me that DS regularly waves hello to her still when he's walking past and sometimes she bumps into him and they have a little chat. She told me she thinks he's a lovely boy and so polite. Similarly, as soon as he's old enough, he's at the top of the list for the local corner shop's paper round as he's been happily being polite and friendly to the man in there for years.

This is what I want from him. A kind, two way, positive interaction with other members of our community.

I'm gobsmacked at the thread.

It's always been completely norma to greet anyone as you pass by them.

Obviously not if you're walking up a packed high street but always if it's just you and them in the vicinity.

It would be bizarre not to acknowledge them
or offer up a greeting!

😂 at “he sounds ND.” This answer to every single thing needs to stop.

Every school day morning for 18 yrs(my children are quite spread out age wise ) we passed a man walking his two terriers. Every morning he waved at us and the children waved back at him.
One dog slowed down and eventually wasn't walked, at least one replacement dog came along. In a really bizarre way he became a friend who they never actually spoke to but acknowledged every morning.
There was a mugging on that road recently and my 25 yr old son phoned me in distress thinking it was the same man, fortunately it wasn't.Recently we spotted him out with his dog and he waved in the same way as always.Everyone felt so emotional, he's been a constant in our lives.Not all strangers are bad.

I think I would go with your gut feeling TBH .Maybe see if there is another girl to go with or cycle maybe .He is likely harmless but you can never be sure

Many people are ignoring the fact the OP said she senses a bad vibe from this man. It’s totally ok to find a man’s behaviour a bit odd and not feel comfortable with it. It’s ridiculous that women are just expected to put up with whatever behaviour comes their way for fear of being judged rude.

FWIW, where I live (London) it is not standard behaviour for strangers to say hello to each other. I’ve encountered dozens of ‘friendly’ men who’ve said hi and then proceeded to harass me. I don’t know a female in London who hasn’t experienced the same. So if I don’t wish to engage with a strange man, I don’t. I really don’t care if some poor guy ends up with hurt feelings because he was only trying to be nice.

All of this Be Kind shit is annoying. Men are never giving a hard time for ‘not smiling’ or being nice to random strangers on the street!

We go on holiday to different cities and rural locations every year and of course I recognise the ‘rules’ are different from London and smile and say hello back to the many strangers who greet me and my family.

Not ignoring it but a bad vibe says nothing.
You typically notice something that leads to that feeling. The way the person moved, the way they looked at you, other mannerisms. People see something. They may not be able to identify in the moment exactly what it was they saw but can often pinpoint it after the fact.

People 'sense' something and the sense they use to sense it is generally sight.

I can’t find it now but I do remember reading years ago about how both animals and humans have the ability to sense danger before even seeing it.

I can relate to that. Trust your instincts.