First, I'm sorry you are having a tough time OP.
Second, apologies in advance for a very long reply...
I'm glad to be able to post my experience here as it's anonymous. I took Sertraline for 12 months and came off it last year.
I know we should all be talking about our mental health but I am Gen X 🤷, and was in a terrible, toxic relationship which appeared great to everyone outside, so I just couldn't bring myself to tell anyone that I had got so low I was permanently on the verge of crying and was having suicidal thoughts. I knew my thoughts were skewed/ messed up, but in the moment I couldn't stop myself finding everything a drag, seeing the negative in everything and just struggling to think straight.
So I rang the GP, apologised profusely because Covid was still impacting the surgery and when she asked the question- 'are you freeing suicidal?' I answered honestly and broke down into uncontrollable tears. Which was something of a relief in itself as I had felt like crying for months but hadn't actually cried.
She recommended anti depressants and I asked a lot of questions about side effects, the possibly of becoming dependent on them/ addiction, the potential to put on weight, and the fact I'd seen lots of online debate suggesting antidepressants might not actually work.
She told me about randomised control trials and a lot of other technical jargon, but basically reassured me that they do work for the majority of people.
So I started taking 50mg of Sertraline and took it for a year before I tapered off and stopped. For the first few days I could barely stay awake. I had to sleep for a few hours during the day. Thankfully I wfh but it was still a bit debilitating. I didn't really notice when it started working- I just found myself feeling more normal. Not high or even super happy or able to breeze through anything in life, but less doom and gloom. Just more normal.
I was still in the toxic relationship which was getting worse. The pills helped me see that it wasn't me - it was the relationship and him that were the problem. And honestly, I thank the pills for giving me the clarity to see it wasn't me (he had done everything possible to make it seem like it was me).
I kept taking the pills for another few months after the relationship ended as I knew it would be a tough period of adjustment. Then I slowly and deliberately began tapering off so that by the 12 month mark I was off them. I didn't have any withdrawal symptoms and I haven't had any relapse of depressive thinking or low mood since.
So I highly recommend Sertraline. I was very sceptical, worried I'd be on anti depressants for life, believed it was a cop out... but I was wrong. They work, they helped me immensely during a very tough time and Im thankful they allowed me to get through it and Im now getting on with living my life. I hope it will do the same for you OP.